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I cant decide whether to buy a caravan or rent a room to get away from my abusive brother.

My older brother is abusive and doesn't treat me as a human being.

he has yelled verbal abuse at me and followed me round my house to my car and wrote "GET OUT" on my door. I dont want to talk to him and he says my behaviour is "unacceptable" and then justifies himself. I yell him its my legal right to be left alone and he tells me "I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR LEGAL rights i can speak to you how i want!!!" . I had to call the police on xmas day because pf his behaviour. My mum has given him free everything and in return he is always so rude. He once told her to tell me to get out the house and she gave into his narcissistic abuse. I was expected to stay away one night but i knew he'd do it again.

I get disability benefits, but if I rent I wouldn't be able to gain any more from doing a short term job which id do for 5 months.

If I stayed at my mums I would gain and I could buy a nice caravan to live in.

I dont like taking money from tax payers, but if i work its frustrating knowing I can't benefit much more than if I were not.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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buy, abuse, rent, gain, caravan
Replies (39)
Helpbot
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If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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Have you considered applying for accessible housing?
https://www.scope.org.uk/support/disabled-peopl...
Don't know whether the stipend would be retained, but it might be better integrated than rent.
Is this short term job a certainty?

You deserve to have a safe abode. You're not taking money.

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12
(11 hours after post)
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sounds like my brother

Anonymous
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(13 hours after post)
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if the abuse is verbal than I would stick it out and save for the caravan (If thats where you want to live).

9 times out of 10, completely ignoring the abuse will cause it to stop. Your brother will no longer gain anything from attacking you and will hopefully leave you alone.

Do you have any friends you could stay with? Not sure where you are from but maybe you could get on the list for a council house and housing benefits.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(13 hours after post)
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I think every brother is abusive, mine sure was. And not just verbally, but physically. Of course in the 1960's it was legal to beat the crap out of your little brother once or twice a week, as long as you didn't break any bones. Plus he's 6 years older than me and a giant, 6 feet 8 inches tall! Yeah that's over 2 meters for those metrically inclined.

But enough about me, I would definitely stay and save money for the caravan. Just lock yourself in your room or fight back. Easy for me to say, right? I used to just break my brother's stuff when I was little. Coundn't fight him so I'd tear up whatever it was he had that meant the most to him. Smashed the windshield on his Camaro at least twice... my parents were talking about putting me in a mental institution and I kept telling them he was the one that needed to go. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

12
(13 hours after post)
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DocteurRalph wrote:
I think every brother is abusive, mine sure was. And not just verbally, but physically. Of course in the 1960's it was legal to beat the crap out of your little brother once or twice a week, as long as you didn't break any bones. Plus he's 6 years older than me and a giant, 6 feet 8 inches tall! Yeah that's over 2 meters for those metrically inclined.

But enough about me, I would definitely stay and save money for the caravan. Just lock yourself in your room or fight back. Easy for me to say, right? I used to just break my brother's stuff when I was little. Coundn't fight him so I'd tear up whatever it was he had that meant the most to him. Smashed the windshield on his Camaro at least twice... my parents were talking about putting me in a mental institution and I kept telling them he was the one that needed to go. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

id bash my brother in the head when he wasnt looking then run like hell, lmao, also store eggs under the house til they were rotten then hit him with them and run, rocks too, but that was when i was a kid, now we share a house, we havent been in a knock down drag out fist fight in about 6 years when we pretty much beat the ****shit out of each other, he's still an asshole though and mostly i stay in my room when im not working. so just hang in there and avoid the crap out of him.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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You need to have an ally in your corner. Is there someone you trust that you can go to? Someone that you can talk to face to face, not over the phone? I also would reach out to a lawyer that is familiar with disability benefits. Ask them questions. You want to gain knowledge. What you can or cannot do, including what threats you can report to the police.

There is an underlying reason your brother behaves this way. If it is from his own disability or a result of medication he takes, it needs to be recorded per event. Do not engage him. Simply record and track these outbursts. He obviously is trying to get under your skin. If you leave, he will take that as a win. I would not give him that satisfaction. When he crosses the line report it to the police. Every single time. If that means he spends a night in jail, so be it.

Bottom line, YOU have as much right to live there as he does. Don't give up that right. Fight with knowledge and wisdom. You are extremely bright. Stand your ground and have your supporters with you. We are...

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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By the way, do you live here in the US or across the pond...?

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Also, your mum is an enabler. She does not like his behavior any more than you do. She just is unwilling to parent. So that means you have to assume that role. Is there a father-figure anywhere in the picture? I'm not trying to pry, just want the whole picture.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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He is just extremely verbally abusive.
I do feel like i dont want him in my life. Hes narcissistic and always thinks hes the victim. He would drive off with my car, at a period when i was generslous to allow hon to use it, without asking and didnt considerate my needs.

Im a vulnerable person and feel having him in my life affects my emotional and mental wellbeing.
On xmas day he had a massive tantrum and my sister has been too scared to see him since.

He always takes and gives nothing to anybody and always wants more. If u dont do what he wants he has a tantrum.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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I live in the uk

12
(18 hours after post)
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Anonymous wrote:
He is just extremely verbally abusive.
I do feel like i dont want him in my life. Hes narcissistic and always thinks hes the victim. He would drive off with my car, at a period when i was generslous to allow hon to use it, without asking and didnt considerate my needs.

Im a vulnerable person and feel having him in my life affects my emotional and mental wellbeing.
On xmas day he had a massive tantrum and my sister has been too scared to see him since.

He always takes and gives nothing to anybody and always wants more. If u dont do what he wants he has a tantrum.

is he 10?

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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My mum wont support me anf when he is abusive she does nothinf to support ne. She backs his side all the time.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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Hes 33 soon

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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Probl3m is when he followed me round the house being vetbqlly abusive to the car abd he told me to get out she wudnt help me. She just enables him. For a vulnerable person like me the both together are horendous. They dont considerate my needs and feelings at all. Its isolating. My sister felt the same way.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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I receive emotional abuse and my reaction to it becomes my fault. He thinks i should be a perfect non thinking feeling being who should give into his needs. If i want anything im seen as selfish.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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You should not be reacting. Turn around and start recording video on your phone. If you need to prevent a physical attack buy some pepper spray.

But say nothing. He is trying to provoke a reaction from you. When you say anything back in your defense he wins. And he is not listening to you anyhow.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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soco wrote:
You should not be reacting. Turn around and start recording video on your phone. If you need to prevent a physical attack buy some pepper spray.

But say nothing. He is trying to provoke a reaction from you. When you say anything back in your defense he wins. And he is not listening to you anyhow.

True but my anger builds up and up. It wont go away and my mum gives into him. If i had her support it would be different. She sets no boundaries and he lives that.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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I recordered him on xmas day. He doesnt know

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Which is why I said you need to be the adult here, cause she's obviously not. Call the police and have him removed until he calms down.
Repeat as often as necessary.

Mum cannot be your body guard. If I was extremely wealthy I'd buy you a personal body guard. Six foot ten and built like a Mack truck.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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Wheni spoke to the police they said they vsnt do anything if he follows me around being verbally abusive. In domestic environment no, public area no

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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Public area, yes*

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If You call frequently enough they have to do something. And if your recordings show zero aggression on your part they deal with him, not you.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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Ill consider going to police again and speak to them.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Your bedroom has a lock on the door correct? Use it. Put on some headphones so you don't hear him screaming.
Ignore completely.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Anonymous wrote:
Ill consider going to police again and speak to them.

Gain knowledge and wisdom. That is the best way to defeat this.

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(18 hours after post)
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soco wrote:
Your bedroom has a lock on the door correct? Use it. Put on some headphones so you don't hear him screaming.
Ignore completely.

Im about to arrange with locksmith to put one in.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Good for you!

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Keep in mind your personal safety. In case of fire you need to be able to exit quickly and safely. I back you 120% taking this step.

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Anonymous
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(18 hours after post)
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One time i stuck up for myself and my mum told me off. She enjoys being his parent and doing everything 4 him. She bought him ยฃ7000 car. He claims no benefits cos she provides him everything. Hes not had a long term job cos hr likes to be treated like a child

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(19 hours after post)
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soco wrote:
Keep in mind your personal safety. In case of fire you need to be able to exit quickly and safely. I back you 120% taking this step.

Ill have lock and chain plus inside lock

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
(20 hours after post)
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You are living in a toxic environment. Your brother is mentally ill. While I have sympathy for the mentally ill, their illness doesn't give them the right to harm other people. Your mother is, indeed, an enabler. He couldn't pull it off without her. Your choices are:

1. Get everyone in family counseling.
2. Move out.
3. Write to Hillary Clinton and tell her that your brother has some big-time dirt on her. She'll take care of the rest.

Your police are worthless like so many in the US. If your brother puts you in the hospital, they would go "Tut! Tut!" to themselves and eat four more doughnuts.

I recommend moving out. You have two people in your household who are a sandwich short of a picnic. If you stay, you will eventually end up as crazy as they are. There must be some kind of agency in your area that can help. In the meantime--yes, record his tirades. Put them on an SD disk and keep it well hidden. I think that, next to moving out, your best bet is to have him charged with making terroristic threats. THAT is actionable, and he'd end up in jail. Of course, your dear mum would bail out his sorry behind, and then he'd probably try to kill you before the court date--unless, of course, you got a restraining order against him--and that would keep his sorry behind from coming back to your house!

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(23 hours after post)
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soco wrote:
Also, your mum is an enabler. She does not like his behavior any more than you do. She just is unwilling to parent. So that means you have to assume that role. Is there a father-figure anywhere in the picture? I'm not trying to pry, just want the whole picture.

Father died years ago. Im sure he'd have chucked my brother out long time ago if he was still around

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(23 hours after post)
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Yes it is toxic here. They are both in a dysfunctional relationship.

I went to look at a room yesterday and considering renting.

Hard to adjust but he has too much power and abuses it.

Both of them blame me for his problems

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Sherlock wrote:

3. Write to Hillary Clinton and tell her that your brother has some big-time dirt on her. She'll take care of the rest.

Better idea: Get the Queen Mum to have your mum followed by papparatzi into a dark chunnel. Accidents happen everyday in them.

6ac6ec97 7651 45c5 b346 63c4b75d6c66
(2 days after post)
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Sooner your outa there the better!

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Anonymous
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(2 days after post)
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Soon will sign a tenancy agreement and ill be out. My brother said he wants space from me.i got so overwhelmed with the abuse i said something very negative. Thing it gets to a point where there is so muchbto take.

8c4b2750 eacb 4bb1 8471 bb64a37cbd76
(4 days after post)
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I hate that it had to come to that. โ˜น๏ธ
But at least you're out? So where are you going?

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Hello everyone!

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Anonymous
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(4 days after post)
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staying in same village and will save up to buy a caravan. I wont be much worse off and can stay now and then. I need somewhere safe to sleep. I also had locksmith round yesterday and have inside lock on bedroom door with chain

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