A Nanny From Hell..
:((((
..so, my boss thinks i'm having an affair with her husband!! :(( Yet, we have barely even ever spoke..
He could not stand me for months and would avoid me. I dreaded the handover when he came home from work as he was so grumpy most of the time I just wanted to run..
However, something happened at the beginning of June - my car broke down and he had to rescue us. At the same time I began seeing this guy and my 'daddy boss' seemed to get jealous and all changed..
'Mommy boss' noticed. I am quilty of staring at him - he is really fit and looks really good.. However, I'm a freak and I stare at any fit and cute guy, but my mommy boss doesnt know that.
I have two more days of work. I don't want to leave with her thinking I was after her husband when, ironically, I am mad about another guy, or ehm, an asshole who will hurt me in any way, but yeah I still love him..
Of course, I need a reference, but is there any way to fix this..? :(((((
um, tell her that her husband is disgusting and you vomit when you think about him, and oh yeah, he's probably gay.
Dress professionally. Nothing tight or even remotely sexy. Speak to him only when spoken to. Eye contact only. Chill and keep it light. Do not assume what others are thinking. You simply do not know, nor could you change their minds if you tried. If you stay professional there is nothing they can say.
AND GET AWAY FROM THAT MASHER!!!!!
Help me with: We have another hurricane coming this way.
Lol wish i could say that @Jebus-Zeus! :D or better still if i actually could vomit..
Thanks @soco, only two days left. I am guilty of wrong clothes - started dressing up for the other guy who i like, but otherwise i believe am professional and a minimum talk - a sentence or two.
Am just so sad that i worked so bloody hard for over a year and now it is all destroyed :(
Can you use the dad as a reference instead?
WEll that’s good that you got a good online review.
Shoot I was thinking if she wrote the review it might have worked out better. I can see it now, "this nanny had an affair with my husband" and suddenly your phone starts ringing off the hook, you could even get the dirty old men in a bidding war for your "services".. ha ha!
Help me with: I need help.
DocteurRalph wrote:
Shoot I was thinking if she wrote the review it might have worked out better. I can see it now, "this nanny had an affair with my husband" and suddenly your phone starts ringing off the hook, you could even get the dirty old men in a bidding war for your "services".. ha ha!
DocteurRalph would be happy to give you his post office box address to send videos.
Help me with: We have another hurricane coming this way.
Yeah, guys @soco & @DocteurRalph - not funny! :( two more days and it is over for me (hopefully!), but she is really unhappy and hurt, and will have to live with this..
I don't want to be a nightmare in their life especially when nothing happened and i am mad about another guy.. :_(
Ps: i went for a walk yesterday and i saw him there; what a coincidence! I chose the place as it was our first date place with the other guy.. I hate these demons messing with me, and I hate the way I am always messing things up and causing pain :(((( it's been like this for the past 22 years and I need it to end.
True story: The other night I was working as a waitress and one of my tables was a group of 6 girls, all dressed to impress. All very attractive if you met them one on one in the street. However it was obvious to me that there was one that was more attractive than the other 5. I could see it and so did them. They asked me to take their picture on 4 different phones. They all stood up and moved against an empty brick wall as the background. Between each shot they would quickly rearrange themselves so they could stand next to this one more attractive girl. Even after all the pix had been taken they each gave the other 5 a hug. And when it came for them to hug this one that was stunning, they stayed hugging her longer than the others. It was noticeable.
Now I tell you this because even though we have never met and I have no idea what you look like, you are that one attractive woman that stands out. Not your fault but not everyone can look like Christie Brinkley. Now when we dress we don't dress to impress men. We dress to impress other women. If we can get their approval when we pass each other we feel we got it right. The clothes. The outfit. The hair and makeup. Even our shoes. The whole package. If we can get even a little smile from that total stranger we reciprocate with a smile back as a "Thank you".
Now in a work situation some women that are a little insecure with their current male companion can make the jump to jealousy. And this is the situation you now find yourself in. No truth to it yet your beauty and attractiveness is slightly more than their own self esteem. Not your fault. But try telling that to the other woman. It won't work.
Help me with: We have another hurricane coming this way.
Soco, well said.
The wife is not mad at you. She is mad at her husband. She trusted him and now he is acting like most men do and she is scared. She is putting her anger towards you bc it is easier to blame someone other than the man you are in love with and trusted. It sucks that women so easily blame other women. We need to stick together. But you don’t have to feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. So you dressed how you like to dress and you stared at a good looking guy. Men get the privilege of doing that all the time without any consequences. It is better that the wife is seeing that her husband might not be the man she married now than be completely blindsided.
As for this other guy. I’d say drop him but I am currently doing the same thing. What I am trying to do is remain myself and continue to be friendly. But I am trying not to have any expectations to avoid getting my hopes up. I know im already failing at this but sometimes you need to stop pushing people away in fear of heartbreak.
There's no way to fix it. I kind of had the same thing happen to me. It was 30 years ago and me and a friend had gone out and got drunk and went back to his house and we both fell asleep in the living room on couches fully dressed... so I wake up at 4 AM or something and have to pee so I go down the hall where all the bedrooms are and his wife and daughter are and use the only bathroom in the house. I flush the toilet and start walking back to the living room and he wakes up and says "what in the hell were you doing back there?". So I'm like I just woke up and used the bathroom and he goes nuts.. yeah right sure you just came out of my bedroom you were with my wife yada yada yada. Then he goes back and starts screaming at his wife it was crazy. We had been friends for years, best friends, and that was the end of it. Plus his wife and I pretty much openly detested each other, I was the younger, wilder, single friend who took him out bar hopping without his wife.. no way she would sleep with me especially in their house with him and her 13 year old daughter both there. It was very strange but he still thinks it happened.
Once somebody has it in their mind that their spouse is cheating they never change it. I feel sorry for the guy, he's probably getting an ear full from her about you, and it really is your fault. Girls aren't allowed to stare at guys, only guys are allowed to do that. Naturally Mrs. Boss doesn't like you any more you are openly lusting after her husband. It's like an open invitation for him to sleep with you.
Help me with: I need help.
Lol, Doc, thank you, so nice to read your response - Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa (yep, I was born a Catholic.. will die as a wh*re)..
I am now certain that it is the way I dress what the problem is (in this case).. A relative arrived to visit the family today, and made a comment about my dress suggesting - what the hell are you wearing in this house?
But I am not lusting.. It's just looking; I wouldn't touch.. Even today he walked there topless.. Would you resist looking at a topless woman, Doc? Btw, I managed to say no to marrying a 'heap of muscles' (but mostly as his brain and heart was messed up)..
But, DocteurRalph, I AM truly sorry about your friendship :(( All my friends kinda let me off the hook, but again, i am that dreaded friend who their husbands lust about..aaaaargh
Dear @soco and @music=life, your comments are very kind, but I dread that in my case it is a pure evil..
I have been thinking, and analyzing, and overanalyzing, and praying.. and 'the voice' says that - because when I was trapped in my abusive marriage unable to get out (oh, if only you knew how messed up i was by his abuse!), he also cheated on me.. For years i had to lie to myself that he was not, but then in one quarrel i stupidly confronted him, and he even more stupidly admitted to cheating, and of course blaming me - 'if i can't have it at home..'
And btw, did i mention that EVERY SINGLE GUY i ever been with cheated on me? (well, i didn't catch one and never confronted him, but i think he did also as when we broke up i found lots of p*rn on my computer in his account..)
Anyway, the messed up me now unconsciously does something around men to get their attention to make their wifes suffer like i did.. I am afraid this is indeed the true reason for my sickness :(((
And now, i really want it to stop - but how?! :(((
music=life wrote:
As for this other guy. I’d say drop him but I am currently doing the same thing. What I am trying to do is remain myself and continue to be friendly. But I am trying not to have any expectations to avoid getting my hopes up. I know im already failing at this but sometimes you need to stop pushing people away in fear of heartbreak.
As for the other guy.. thank you, music=life! Well, i just need to drop him from my mind and heart.. we don't see each other, although a week ago on Monday after probably like 50 text messages, a few phone calls, and one or two visits to his place, I managed to get him to meet me..
I couldn't sleep and just texted him that Papa (God) told me that I will be happy once I let go off him and forgive him.. I wrote to him after midnight that i forgive him and letting him go.. but i will be dating again as i can't forget..
IMMEDIATELY he replied asking me to call him and apologising for not answering my messages.
We met (like before) in a car park after 1am.. He sat in my car (first time) and we talked for an hour.. yep, didn't argue, didn't want to kill each other, and when he got too *****horny he took a runner (as i had blamed him well enough for just wanting a free s*x).. oh, we even discussed a marriage - but he concluded that something about me is not right (oh, boy, if he only knew! ]:P )
Anyway, the next morning.. 'i think we should stop this' 'thank you for understanding' 'stop sending messages' 'you are moving away' 'no, don't bother to stay' 'you can go on date without any problem'.. and a silent treatment.
But somehow i have peace after that.. :((( But (almost) all women would be so happy if i married another abusive guy - ha, how they would be laughing!
Anyway, dear music=life, i so hope, believe and pray, that you will meet that Mr Perfect who will treat you with respect and love and you will live happily ever after.. <3
Lol this guy literally sounds exactly like the guy I’m talking with 😂. We need to find a better type.
music=life wrote:
Lol this guy literally sounds exactly like the guy I’m talking with 😂. We need to find a better type.
Yes, narcs are all the same.. :/
The tragedy for me is that there is a better type in my life.. He's had feelings for me for well over two years. I just never had the confidence or believe that a guy like him could possibly like someone like me :_(
Of course, I have regrets now :( Ever since I knew I was gonna move, I realised I would miss seeing him around..
But it's all messed up now as i stupidly went out with the messed up guy instead!! And im moving next week 4-5 hr drive from here.. :/ I never learn - did the same thing 20 years ago (and even had a child with the messed up guy..)
Girls, I have to tell you something, and I believe that Docteur Ralph--and many others--will back me up
In the past, you wouldn't look twice at a decent guy. You found decent guys boring. You wanted pizzazz, panache. So you only accepted dates from the bad boys. You never gave any of the good guys any sign that you were interested. Again, they were boring and unimaginative.
Most of you ended up with one of the bad guys. You found them sexy--so you ended up having a kid or two. Then you made an amazing discovery: the bad guys were not very supportive or good father material. Most of you ended up divorced, and single mothers. Now you are able to appreciate the good guys--and most of you want one, but some of you still chase after those guys in the lower 70% of the male spectrum.
You might want to take a swing at me, but if you will think about it, you will see that I am right. I have seen these scenarios play out time and again. I have seen friends get a woman away from an abusive boyfriend or husband--only to see her go right back to him. Am I wrong?
Women are not as smart about men as they used to be. Thirty or forty years ago, women had a set of criteria that men had to meet. Men who didn't make the cut--well, they ended up without a woman, or they inevitably met up with one of the skank-types. Then--then--women started seeing a boyfriend or husband as a status symbol. If their girl friends had a guy, they had to have one, too. It was rather like accessorizing--like having a purse or a scarf. Their criteria went out the window, because in this "new culture," women were seen as being defective in some way if they couldn't get or keep a boyfriend or husband. The bad guys exploited this paradigm shift to the hilt.
I am still seeing it play out around me. Decent guys don't stand a chance unless the woman has had some hard life lessons taught to her. There are exceptions, of course--but by and large this is the rule!
Yes dearest @Sherlock, you are right.. However, what is the solution?!? :(((
Got a magic wand to wave? ;) if only it was that easy.. Im so messed up that dont realize a bad guy is bad until it's too late.. And sometimes i see the red flags, but still fall. It seems like a curse which i am unable to brake.. Will you say a prayer for me/us?! PLEASE! :)) xx
Ps: In the last at least three years i have noticed that all the good guys who i meet are hooked up with abusive/controlling women, HA!!!
Two suggestions from the same author, Dr. Phil McGraw.
Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009CG8Z3C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_I55vBb02XKMYW
Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0069YN4O0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_-95vBb354TT5B
If you get the Kindle versions they are dirt cheap and can be loaded on just about every device around.
Help me with: We have another hurricane coming this way.
And yes, praying.
Help me with: We have another hurricane coming this way.
soco wrote:
And yes, praying.
THANK YOU, Soco xx
..i've read loads of books already on this topic; i will look into that one, too but doubt it will work.. :(
I remember what the guy asked me last Monday - Mya, why dont you believe that somebody can love you? And i was going to argue with him about it.. but i knew he was right - the root of my problem is that i dont believe that someone can love me.. :/
Not sure what the root is for other women..but hope and pray that they will find it and overcome it.
An UPDATE (if anyone is interested):
My last day yesterday.. Mommy boss and daddy boss both away; i worked over 12 hours and left the kids with a relative (managed not to cry until i got to my car. The little one waving bye to me for the first and last time when i was putting him to bed.. :_( )
They left me a huge box of chocolates and a card with a gift voucher. Both older boys signed the card, although the younger one told me that he did not want to write anything as he hates me, but mum made him do it - he drew a gigantic heart - well, i've got a lot to learn from my nanny kids. (First time i saw their hand writing, wow! Been with them for over a year..)
(I presume) mummy boss wrote apart of thank yous that they will miss me a lot.. and hopes to keep in touch. Ehm, am I right thinking i should not?! 😄
I swear, may Papa help me, this was the LAST TIME this happened..! Gonna kill this Mya b*tch and gonna be the best nanny in my next job.. by Papa's grace and deliverance from all my demons and traumas.
So, who needs a nanny..?! O;)
Ah, yes, the solution! Here it is!
1. Be brimming over with self-confidence. Don't worry, most of us don't have enough of it. We fake it. It's true!
2. Set your sights high. Do not compromise on character. Don't even date someone whom you could not see as a possible life mate.
3. Don't reveal too much of yourself at first. Let the guy earn your trust.
4. Don't go overboard. Bend over backwards in the initial stages, and he'll think you are desperate--that is the kiss of death.
5. Be a complete person in your own right. Don't look for someone to "complete" you.
6. Never date someone because you feel sorry for him, believing him to be an underdog. If he's an underdog, it's probably for a reason.
7. If you see red flags, heed them--and cut things off immediately. Trust your gut. Your gut is almost always right.
:)) Thanks, Sherlock.. wish it was that easy @ #7. -> I'm messed up, i can't even trust myself. It's a constant confusion.. Been through too much abuse - they have broken me completely!
(I liked that article under your 'Help me with:' - it is gone now! :( )
#1 Can't do that - need to trust God, not meself :/
#2 How do you know a person if you don't date them (if you already don't happen to know them)?
#3 I think I learned this lesson.. Took me ages.
#4 Ehm, I did not this time.. Made no difference.
#5 Never ever looked for someone to complete me.. Maybe to compete with me.. ;D ..and I am not a complete person.. Demons are taking over my mind and body most of the time. It is a constant battle..
#6 Did that only once - dated because i felt sorry for him, but not because i believed him to be an underdog.. (because i believed i messed up and did not want him to suffer because of me)
I hate dating.. and was so happy not having that option. Now i'm all broken and don't know what next.. need to reconnect to God to know what His will is for my life.
Thank you xx
PS: Found this today on fb (don't agree with everything)
My issues briefly explained:
https://scontent.flhr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9...
https://scontent.flhr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9...
What my mother put me through, and I spent a lifetime recovering from -
https://scontent.flhr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9... ..and still not completely free!
I got a work related email from my mommy boss a few days ago.. also mentioning how they miss me 'almost EVERY DAY', and if they are around where I live if they can meet with me for a coffee! I don't know, I thought I was the crazier one..!! But I offered them that they can stay in my place if they ever need to..
Last Monday I went to pick up my daughter from her Australian adventure to an airport 6 hours away from our place. After 4.5 hours when I reached a town where we used to live, I could not drive any more :((( Asked the guy I was mad about, if he would drive for me the remaing 1.5hr to the airport. To my great surprise, without hesitation he agreed! While I was waiting for him to get ready, I broke down in tears from exhaustion..
Anyway, he dressed up like on our first date, and behaved like then as well! Asking me to trust him again..?!? Yes, I am crazy, but not that crazy.. I enjoyed being with him again, however, he had to spoil it by dangerous driving and smoking in the car which my daughter did not like.
I sent him a text message that we returned home safe at almost 1am at night. He replied 'nite nite', and that was it.. Haven't heard from him again, although I had to send him another text as he asked while he was driving me, if he could have my old job!! (He never worked as a nanny!)
I was getting so over him when I moved here, and after seeing him on Monday I can't stop thinking about him again.. so, made things worse for meself. :((
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