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Religion - Sad or Angry


I was born in 1956. My parents divorced in 1968. My father remarried, to a strict Mormon woman with two sons. I know there was no love in that marriage. He just needed someone to tend to his children while he was frequently out of town for work. My father was killed on the job in 1970. It made him famous. My step-mother contacted my mother and by some arrangement I knew nothing about, I was sent to my mother and her new husband in Washington. Both were abusive (not sexually) and heavy drinkers. I have heard my mother say many times, to my face, "I wish you'd never been born". Upon high school graduation I enlisted. Uncle Sam had me in northern Illinois when I was discharged and I settled in Milwaukee, WI. I met a woman who told me all the dreams for her future. I found her intelligent as well as physically beautiful. We married. Four months later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. After healing from a radical bi-lateral mastectomy she went into surgery for breast augmentation. She developed an infection, implants were removed, and left nothing but a patchwork of scars from beneath both arms and covering her entire chest. She never again *********undressed in front of me. I stayed married to her, in a nearly totally sexless situation for over twenty five years. One morning I came home and found she had had a man I only knew casually with her overnight. I wanted to reconcile the marriage, but we slept in separate rooms and she frequently told me, " I love you, but I'm not IN love with you.". Two years later when I had reached the age and job seniority which allowed me to do so, I retired. I cashed in mutual funds, paid off her car and the house, signed them both over to her and left. Both our eyes were dry when she dropped me off at the airport. I moved to Alabama where sometime later I met a woman who was going though a divorce from an abusive husband. I met her family, and nearly a year after that asked her father's blessing on me proposing. In May of this year, two months shy of our eleventh anniversary we went to bed, I kissed her goodnight, told her I loved her, she put on her CPAP mask, rolled over and died. I have yet to receive the Death Certificate, but the consensus among the first responders is she died of a blood clot. Since her death, in the course of dealing with her personal items I found, in graphic detail, she had been having a sexual affair with a man I do not know. I also found she had maxed out credit cards with cash withdrawls in the area of $30,000 for the purchases of cocaine. So hear I am at sixty two, dealing with her huge outstanding debts and medical bills, and only my pension and Social Security as income. I ask you: Should I be sad or angry? I don't even know what kind of help I need, but admit that I do need help. While I have never truly considered completing the act, I know a two pound pull on a trigger will end either emotion, but I want someone to tell me: Should I be sad or angry? Maybe if I was thirty two I could try to put the pieces together and start a new life, but I see it as being too late in my life now. It's just me and my dog. The only people I know here are her family and I can't tell them what I've learned about her since her death. I'm trying to hold it all in. I just don't know. Should I be sad or angry? Sad or angry. I look at myself as a good person. My entire life I have worshipped God, taken His son Jesus Christ as my Savior, and tried to live a life as much like His as possible. I am not perfect, but He doesn't seem to be paying much attention to my life or to my prayers. I just want an answer to a single question. Should I be sad or angry? Sad or Angry? All I am asking for now is the answer to a single question. Should I be sad or angry? Can you give me an answer? Please

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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life, sad, answer, angry
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soco
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Should you be sad or angry? I humbly say neither. You should not feel any obligation to pay these bills. Get a lawyer and let him/her deal with the emotions.

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That is the one thing that frustrates me the most. Is it people say you shouldn’t feel sad or angry or you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself and you should just move on If moving on was that easy I would’ve done it by now and so would’ve you. Taking the lawyer route is going to kick you in the ***ass and probably make you more sad and angry. If moving on was that easy I would’ve done it by now and so would’ve you. Taking the lawyer route is going to kick you in the ***ass and probably make you more sad and angry I do agree that you shouldn’t have to pay her debt but is it worth going through this whole façade?

Someone once told me behind every Mad is sad. If I were you I would feel angry. But I agree that behind that anger is sadness

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I cannot say what emotions you should feel. You have the right to feel both great anger and deep sadness. You are grieving not only the loss of your wife who you loved but also the loss of the memory that she was faithful to you these years. You are trying to make sense of that along with the revelation that she was taking advantage of you to support a drug addiction. On top of that, it sounds like you are still trying to come to terms with all that happened in your first marriage. It is more than a person can emotionally process at once and you would not be human if you did not go through a wave of emotions.

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I'd be sad but you should see a therapist to help you through this. Its a lot to deal with.

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You have good reason for both. Let yourself feel, it's part of the process. Then let it go.

Your life has been full of hardships and you've probably learned a lot of things you'd rather not know, but let that knowledge make you into a wiser and more empathetic person, not a bitter one.

You can get through this too.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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I sense that your first wife thought that you no longer desired her, and sought validation from another man. That was a real shame. Your second wife obviously had some problems you didn't know about. You could tell her family--but they'd probably just shake their heads and decline to pay off her bills in any way. She probably loved you but she was severely flawed. In any event, you can't fix the past. All you can do is look toward the future. Plan for your retirement. Do things you enjoy. Remove all the pictures of your deceased wife from your home and lock them up somewhere--or give them to her family. Find a good church where you live and attend it. The things in this life are transitory, and most people have feet of clay. Forgive--and try to forget.

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beautycomesfromwithin
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smiley wrote:
You have good reason for both. Let yourself feel, it's part of the process. Then let it go.

Your life has been full of hardships and you've probably learned a lot of things you'd rather not know, but let that knowledge make you into a wiser and more empathetic person, not a bitter one.

You can get through this too.

I totally agree with your statement and all of the above. I have nothing else to comment. Just like what other people have said 'neither.'' However, you have definitely been experiencing many emotions when each event has occurred in your life. You should not be paying any of the debts because what she did is clarified as ''fraud'' my friend. You can get it cleared and get some advice within this matter so that you can enjoy your pension money.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Debts she made before your marriage died with her. Debts she made during your marriage will fall to you. If they are too much, consider bankruptcy. That would teach a lesson to those idiots who finance pathological spending.

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