- written Aug 19, 2018 3:55

I'm in the same boat at the moment! My eldest dog, almost 10, seemed to be like a breeze when I got him as a puppy. It flew by so fast and he's the calmest, smartest and sweetest dog that apparently is loved by everyone who comes to visit. My mom even calls him her grandson.

Three weeks ago, I got a Husky mix - a far cry from the traits and characteristics of my Golden Retriever. He's 10 weeks old and has managed in 21 days, to turn my nice, neat clean home into something that looks like it was raided by and anti-terrorist unit. I've had to replace my new brand new quilt, my teddy bears are in witness protection and every morning, I had to play the fantastic game of What Have I Stepped In Today?

He's now just realized that "no" means he gets to run away with whatever he has in his mouth, or that it's an invitation to attempt removing my nose or finger with his teeth.

Surely my oldest wasn't that bad?! He probably was. In fact I remember that he took out an entire sofa by the time he was 6 months old and I probably went through about 50-something packets of 6 toilet paper rolls by the time he was properly housebroken.

It's exhausting, it can leave me frustrated, losing sleep and even being woken up by an excitable pup jumping on my head at 6AM (if I'm lucky for it to be that close to sunrise). I haven't yet broken down in tears, but I know it's going to happen at some point.

You're doing fine. I promise. You care and that shows that you're not failing. It's hard work. They're like toddlers without the inability to communicate. But it will get better. I promise!

You didn't say how old the puppy was, but could you look into what's called "puppy pre-schools" in your area? Here in Australia, they do them through various vet clinics when the pup is between 8-16 weeks. It goes for about 4-6 weeks and the puppy socializes within the grounds with other puppies and their owners, you can learn how to focus on housebreaking and some "problem" areas that you might find some advice for. My Eli starts his this coming Thursday night and I'm looking for a solution to his nibbling problem. He definitely has his bite inhibition, but it only kicks in AFTER his teeth are around what it is he's hurting. Well, that, and he seems to think that his "older brother" is also a chew toy and is constantly trying to pull folds of skin.

It definitely is a tiring time in our house.

I suddenly have the Bye Bye Birdie soundtrack in my head from this...

We won't have to taaaaaalk at aaaaaaaall.

I thought you might be. Sometimes it's good to let it out, though. It can release endorphins and heighten your adrenaline, which can release excess stress.

I don't think anyone would have taken your post personally, though. We all get like that from time to time, it actually is considered healthy to let go of pent up anger and hurt. Sometimes I feel like I want to find a way to make the world implode, but it'll never happen, and I feel guilty if I accidentally injure a fly.

I do hope you feel better soon though. As Kalinihta said, if you need to talk/rant; we'll listen.

I ask this with sincerity, and no sarcasm at all; has this made you feel a least a little better now that you've said it?

I agree with what @music=life said where it's hard to try and find something to say in a desire to help, because you've written this extremely raw - and perhaps that's a good thing. To get it out somehow. It whatever way in order to try and sort out the chaos in your head. It is something I can relate to as well. Words are my emotions that are given ammunition; for lack of a better way to explain it.

I do wish to say a few things though. I don't know if some sort of filtering or any sort of given perspective will be appreciated, but I needed to feel like I could maybe say something - anything that properly conveys my hope to try and help ease a little of your pain? I know sometimes it has helped me in the past.

This screamed out at me. It says everything. On September 13th, I'll be 2 years clean after a near fatal overdose. The price I paid was that I felt like the monkey on my back was forced onto my mother - and that is a currency I refuse to pay ever again. My demons should be mine alone, and I refuse to force someone I love as much as my mother, to carry any of them.

For over half of my already lived life, I believed that I hated my mother just as much as I hate myself - sometimes, there were times when I thought I hated her even more that that; especially in the times I was actively hurting. There was a lot of unspoken pain, resentment, confusion that was left over from many years that we both found ourselves in a place where we thought nothing could fix the caverns in our relationship.

It has only been in the last five years where we have grown -together- and we have been able to begin to heal some wounds that were festering for far too long. The fear and helplessness in my mother's eyes the morning she rushed me to the hospital is one I will never forget; and while it may have been the epiphany I needed to finally see that I truly love my mother, I wish it had been another way. I should not have needed to hurt her so badly, before I realized that I actually gave a ****shit, and I was finally convinced that she did.

My mother is now, my best friend. Something I thought I would never say, or have.

That went in a whole other direction than I originally intended here, but it doesn't sound as simple or effortless as "I get it." I truly do.

My use was used to numb. To become emotionless, or at least not be aware or care of the emotions because they would rip holes of pain through me. I felt I had no other way to stop my soul from screaming. Even if it was just turning it's volume down for a short time, and letting the record play without hearing it. It didn't go away, or stop. It was just temporarily covered up.

I *get it

I'm exhausted, and there's times when I think it's even so beyond that, that there isn't even a word for it. I get so angry that it's even something that is a part of my life. In fact, it was only just the other day I had the second-worst day in two years. The only way it would have been in first place, would be if I had given in. Miraculously, I didn't. Or maybe the new Australian law is to be given the most credit. I think it is more likely to be the reason, rather than any kind of miracle.

I guess what I'm trying to really say here, is to possibly give words of comfort, and though I know it's so cliche, and I know that when we feel at our utter most low-point, we don't even believe the words, but; you are not alone.

Away from the self-deprecating humor, and underneath it all, no matter how much ****shit we might throw at each other in some form of weird performance dance, I care about you, and I just needed you to know that. I always have cared for you since I first met you. I've admired, and respected you. I am so so sorry that you are hurting, and like @music=life also said, do not forget that is is okay to throw a pity party. It's okay to be angry, or self-loathing or whatever you need to feel right now. And yes, we sometimes do need to feel some of that pain before we can begin to heal. It's just important to remember too, that as much as it can be believed that "I need to do this alone" sometimes. Sometimes, we really can't.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost someone in such a way, Jeb. As a recovering addict of opiates myself, and knowing how it feels to lose people to the same demons, my heart hurts for you.

Have you got someone you can talk to about how you're feeling?

Aww, thanks! I hate me too! It used to get me into a lot of trouble during my early school years when the bullies would get mad and tell the counselors on me.

The was a day in fourth grade after an incident (which I can't remember what it even was now) but I was almost "announced" into the classroom to find that the day I'd been away previously, she had made all the students handcraft me Christmas cards that were displayed on my desk and chair for when I got there...it was awkward as hell. But I knew the reason behind it. It was basically a punishment for them all because apparently it was the teacher's way of making them apologize for "making me say awful things about myself". I think she gave them far too much credit. I beat them to it years before and they didn't make me do anything. Lol.

Truthfully, I still feel sorry for all of them for having to do that. But I suspect they might have thought it was a good excuse to miss the German portion of the day (it was a bilingual class).

That doesn't make sense the way I worded that; seventh attempt to rewrite it:

No one can hate a person who hates themselves more than that person already does. I'm sure there probably could be some people who will try, though. But I find that people really don't like it when I can prove I do it better. It tends to really irritate them for some reason. Maybe they feel like their glory is being stolen? I don't know.

I probably wouldn't recommend my own personal experience and coping choice to anyone else; I learned to hate myself more than the other person could - regardless of why or whatever their reasons for it are. You cannot hate a person who hates themselves worse than you do.

Sometimes, it's actually baffled the person that I can honestly look them in the eye or...whatever the interaction platform is, and just go "yup, that's true." I actually had an argumentative troll get so angry at me he kept saying he was going to report me for bullying.

Apparently self-insulting was offensive to him somehow. It made for a rather amusing time when others who saw the thread were completely lost as to why he was annoyed that he was being told/shown that his insults weren't harsh enough...

I still laugh about it whenever I think of it. It's not the first time someone has gotten really mad at me that I was saying s**t about myself before they could - and amplify it, it was just the first time that someone went "stooooop! I'm gonna tell on you! You're being mean to yourself and I wanted to do that!"