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Happy earth
smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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Ex-husband wants overnight visits with my daughter.

He abandoned her as an infant, and has repeatedly threatened to kidnap her, and even threatened to kill her once. Should I get a lawyer or wait and see whether he's willing to push the matter? I do not have any documentation of his threats.

Edit: all these threats were years ago. None are recent. None within the past five years, to my best recollection.

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Since writing this post smiley may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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smiley edited this post .

Ex-husband wants overnight visits with my daughter. He abandoned her as an infant, and has repeatedly threatened to kidnap her, and even threatened to kill her once. Should I get a lawyer or wait and see whether he's willing to push the matter? I do not have any documentation of his threats.¬ ¬ Edit: all these threats were years ago. None are recent. None within the past five years, to my best recollection.

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soco
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Lawyer.
I would want to know his reasons for these visits. 80% of the time it has nothing to do with the best interest of the child but to at some point, get back at the other parent i.e. you. If he knows you are willing to drag this into the courts he may just shut up and blend back into the background. The other thing I would want to know is how your daughter feels and is she capable of getting to know her father who all of a sudden wants back in her life. Under age 15 I'd say no way. When she turns 18 she can make that decision herself.

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Happy earth
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smiley
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About the time I demanded divorce, he suddenly had a "change of heart" and tried to convince me to return. After that, he's been human, not awful. We've been divorced for almost five years. It is concievable that he has matured, but I'm afraid to take the risk.

When I confronted him about the threats one time before, he said "I was just kidding." That was always his excuse when called out on abusive words or actions.

This time when I explained why I will only allow supervised visits he accused me of making things up and being paranoid. The inability to take responsibility for his past actions indicates to me that he has not changed and is still a narcissistic deciever. If he had been apologetic, I might have considered allowing longer or less supervised visits.

I'm not trying to prevent my daughter from knowing her biological father. I only want her to be safe.

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Araz
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I know two people who have had their child taken away by an ex. Get a lawyer, get something in writing, and then take that step. Always better to be safe than sorry.

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DocteurRalph
last online: 10/23, 23:49
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How old is she? I have a bad feeling about this.

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Electric
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☁
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Happy earth
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DocteurRalph wrote:
How old is she? I have a bad feeling about this.

She is seven years old. We were divorced when she was two years and even before then, he never lived in the same house as us.

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So was he even alone with her when she was younger? It seems like he really doesn't deserve to spend much time with her. Does he pay child support and do all that? Has he been doing supervised visits with her all along and this is just the next logical step, or did he just show up and say he wants to take her with him?

I'm with everyone else. Normal people don't threaten their children. I mean I'm half crazy and I've never done anything like that. He seems really out there and untrustworthy. I wouldn't do it.

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Happy earth
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smiley
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He has never been alone with her, in her life. He didn't live with us when we were married because he didn't want me and my two kids from my first marriage to move to where he lived (I tried, he said don't.) Since his sudden "change of heart" right after I demanded divorce, he has been paying child support, not court ordered. He has also visited once per few months, and recently since he's moved closer to here, about once per month. So far, I've always been present for these visits, which are not court ordered, but I try to disappear into the background so they can have time together without interruption. I bring a book or play with an electronic device. Unfortunately, my observation has been that every time I bring out my phone or a book, instead of visiting, he starts playing with his gadgets too.

Electric
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soco
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If you don't have a lawyer already in mind start searching today. Usually initial consultations are free of any fees. Ask lots of questions including who they would recommend other than themselves. Lawyers often get together to chew the fat. If somebody's name comes up more than once you just found the perfect lawyer for you.
If your ex decides it is worth it to him to go through the courts, only then will you need to start using legal representation.

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Hayao
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I wouldn't want it to happen, and I would try to do my best to make sure it didn't. I don't know about legal matters but it's a safe bet to look into it.

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What does your daughter think about it? Not that I'd let her decide but if she doesn't want to, then hell no I wouldn't make her go with him no matter what.

Even if she does want to spend some time with "daddy", and I use the term loosely, I wouldn't do it. It sounds like an accident waiting to happen. I just figured she wouldn't want to and that would be a good excuse to say NO!

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Happy earth
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smiley
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She has her own Amazon wish list, and whenever she adds any item to it, it magically appears two days later, and she likes that, but she's very, very (almost unhealthily) attached to me. She's not going to want to spend the night at his place.

But I haven't asked. I should.

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soco
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She's 7? She needs a new stereo with a curved LG. Screen TV. When it somehow gets delivered to an unknown address in Florida tell her she's welcome to come visit anytime....

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Happy earth
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soco wrote:
She's 7? She needs a new stereo with a curved LG. Screen TV. When it somehow gets delivered to an unknown address in Florida tell her she's welcome to come visit anytime....

We've joked about her needing new curtains, cleaning products, toilet paper. I don't think it would work. When she has added expensive toys, they do not magically appear. Just the cheap toys and clothes and art supplies that all kids have too much of do.

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Cregyn
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sorry.. wrong edit

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Cregyn
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I haven't been able to read all the replies, I'm sorry, but from what I have read - no, be careful, this does seem suspicious!

He does not seem to have a genuine interest in her and in her wellbeing. Try to get an advice perhaps form women's shelter; they might be able to advice what legal action or any other, would be best.

If it was my daughter, I wouldn't leave her with him unsupervised. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. Hope all works out for the best.

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