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Summer
last online: 02/20, 18:14
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Difference between help and advice?


Hey guys!

So here's kind of a problem I feel: the older I get, the more cautious and wary I become of giving anyone any advice. This is partly because I realise that I do not have all the answers, do not know the full context of the person's situation, or simply don't want to be wrong--which is kind of paralysing me from replying to posts, or in my personal life being a help to my friends. How do you give help (and/or advice) without overstepping your bounds and potentially leading someone astray with your own biases? On the other hand, if you do not offer advice, how do you make sure the help you provide is still somehow meaningful?

Peace and Love from a late-night rambler.

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Since writing this post Summer may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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love, advice, kind, late-night, rambler
Replies (14)
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Padre_J_Roulston
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1713403684" title="Apr 18, 2024 1:28">Apr 18, 2024 1:28</time>
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(3 minutes after post)
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As long as you make it known that the advice you are giving is based on your opinion of the information given, that is all you can do. You can't not help... at least I can't. 😄

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PepperJ
last online: 08/22, 17:46
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(15 minutes after post)
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I give advice based on my personal experiences. I always appreciate advice and I'm a "researcher" in that I look at all scenrios/options....and then make up my mind, sometimes not using ANYONE'S advice. But, hearing all points of view helps me to feel more comfortable in what I ultimately decide on.

I think on help, all viewpoints are welcome and all personal stories of how situations turned out are useful to a person facing a dilemma.

But it all comes with an unspoken (and maybe spoken, as in... "when that happened to me....") knowledge that most of us are not experts.

I think that just having another layer of support is great. This place can be in lieu of real life support systems that may be crumbling...

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sophieshizuko
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1711873551" title="Mar 31, 2024 8:25">Mar 31, 2024 8:25</time>
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(22 minutes after post)
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all you can do is give advise .... it turns to help when the person you are giving it to gets positive results from it ... not everyone acts on the advice they are given.

Often to get true help you need advice from a number of different sources, so it appears no single individual has given any help... but did as a group.

Yorick
Yorick
last online: 02/28, 23:53
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(35 minutes after post)
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its the trolling causing all the confusion.. i play along, until if im not sure or i dont actually confide in genuine responses and if it goes on long enough then i know they're pulling your leg.. i try to keep it short as possible..

a true heart is not easy to mend in the internet world, when it does it a beautiful thing.

Fairies in the woods
Pixels
last online: 01/13, 17:36
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(51 minutes after post)
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You can only give your point of view. Whatever you are inspired to offer can be of help to anyone reading the post. I like that questions often open the door to exchange and communication between users. And sometimes, we start with an opinion that evolves into something else, a few replies down the line.
Either way, as long as it is done with the right intention, it's all good. Speak your heart and mind. Often, you'll find that the original poster will find his/her own solutions just because there was someone there who was willing to listen... Pretty cool website. :)

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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For me I suppose it all comes down to the amount of passion behind it. You can go anywhere and get advice. To have someone put some thought and care behind that advice shows true passion and therefore - help.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Dollypic
Dolly
last online: 06/16, 20:16
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Bea this is why we stayed in chat lol

Electric
BA1
last online: 01/25, 20:20
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(6 hours after post)
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Help has a price.
Advice is free.
----
My advice is based on personal experience, education, knowledge and the experience of others.
----
Quality of advice given is based on assessing the person who is asking (or needing) it.
The ability to determine or speculate beyond what is merely presented, helps to outline the scope of the matter. This helps to determine what kind of action should be taken to find the remedy.
Great advice usually comes from a slow cooker - someone who says, "I'm going to think about that and get back with you in due time," gives the matter better consideration.

Victory
Red1263
last online: 09/03, 16:18
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Like others who have posted before, whenever someone comes to me for advice/help, I repeat that this info that I'm giving them is from my own opinion/perspective/biased thoughts, so it should be taken with a grain of salt or modified to suit their situation or even not taken at all. It gives you the satisfaction that you attempted to help, whether our not they take it, is entirely in their hands. You did right by you.

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Ameliorate
last online: 11/30, 13:43
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(10 hours after post)
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Sometimes it's good enough just to lend an ear and listen to people verbalizing their problems.

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(10 hours after post)
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It still comes down to compassion and a willing heart. This place was conceived and built out of a compassion to help others. It is the reason we are all here.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Me
Silverset
last online: 01/24, 19:56
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(20 hours after post)
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Often the case many people don't want advice, they want someone to listen to them express their feelings, whether they are aware of it or not. Also allowing them to work out a problem for themselves can empower them.

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aeolian
last online: 10/10, 23:38
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It has been my experience to not expect any advice i give to come to fruition. I realise that no matter how great and how tried and true motions people are going to more than likely follow their own path. I also realise helping someone with an emotional problem isnt doing me any good. Im a guy and see a problem and want to fix it. It doesnt work that way. From my experience people looking for help with mental illnesses are venting. They want to realise their pain and feel loved. They ate not really looking for a solution. So i am toning down my fix it personality and trying now in 2017 to just listen and assure the person they are much more than they believe they are and are very much loved. Amwn

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Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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I will give unvarnished advice. Often the person asking for guidance has undergone some trauma, and their mind is a trainwreck--so telling them they have to make a decision is counterproductive. They CANNOT make a decision in their current state without some solid input. Wishy-washy advice is no help, and just gives them more variables to juggle. That is why I tell others what I would do in their place.

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