In some cases, biological fathers are overrated.

I'm sorry you had one of the shitty types. I know exactly how it feels. :(Only sadly, my dad did have high intelligence. Just not enough compassion and too much psychopathy to use it in a positive way.

Of course he taught you something.....

How not to do it.

It can be a lifelong struggle healing from toxic parent/s; I'm sorry that is your case, too.

There are many helpful resources out there, and help groups on fb, for example.

It can be long and painful journey to get freed from our past, but it is doable, and it does get better x

https://cdn.shortpixel.ai/client/q_glossy,ret_i...

When people tell me stories about them and their dads growing up it makes me sad cus me and my dad never had a warm relationship.

Culturally enforced masculinity is probably just one major cause for this. Also komodo dragon males are absent from the rearing process.

And if you keep saying it's not, I'll have 1 bitty lady from CPS hike you to the psychaitry ward and a warrant that spells out the details of what is to be done with you.....

I'm currently not speaking to my dad. We have a very... tumultuous relationship. I find myself jealous of people, like my husband, who have loving fathers. I know my dad loves me but he can be such a narcissistic, selfish jerk sometimes.

Can you cut off contact?

Mine didn't teach me much either. Past 11 or so anyway. It wasn't really his fault tho or nothing. But still sucks he wasn't around.

Oops wrong post lol

I think my dads dad was not very nice to his mam and then dad learnt that it was ok to treat woman/people that way.

But now i know he knows its wrong n he hasnt hit us for since... i was a teen. I remembwr having to defend myself with the chair between us.. n when i fot the chance i ran out the house and his down the park in the bushes. This girl saw me n asked if i was ok and said i had no socks or shoes on n my feet getting a wet.

I was thinking... seriously girl. Your concerned about me getting wet feet!

And now i got a dad who actually loves me n i cant spend time with him cos im ill.

He feels guilty about the past. He didnt even remember it n thought i had a screw lose until he asked my sister if certain things really did happen n she said yes.

I know he wud nevwr do that to me or us ever again now. And when i cut fam off for about 2 yrs wen i saw dad again he hugged me tight and long ans had tears in his eyes.

Night before he had said to my bro in law, do u know what i miss about jessica? He said what? Dad said everything. And he listens alot more to me now.

Im gobby n say wgat i think n he appreciates it somehow. It were my little gob about 7yrs old who got him off cigarettes. Dad why do u smoke in car n we cant even open a window and cant breath and couching. Next time he came bk frm the rigs he never smoked again.

Sorry im going off on one

Parents are not mythical creatures. As children we see our parents as all knowing all wise. That is far away from the truth tho. Its comforting to think that our parents know it all...

The truth is, they are just regular humans with a lot of imperfections.

You are more likely to be like your father than not. We learn from our parents, the things we like and the things we hate...

I haven't spoken to my father in over 10 years now, and that 10 years ago, was 10 years after I ran screaming from him. I completely understand the jealousy part. I have a wonderful stepdad now who I adore as much as he does me, but we have a different relationship, and our respect is much different to what the "typical" father/daughter relationship should be. He was a family friend long before he and my mother married when I was almost an adult. I met him years before my parents even split.

If OP lives on his own, then I definitely see no loss of cutting contact. Back in 2008, I met with my father only three times, and it was an emotional nightmare. I hadn't seen him before that since before I was even a teenager, and within one conversation, he had me agreeing to move to another state with him, and give him access to all my money in an account he would "look after". I was 22.

I got away as fast as I could. My brother, his first born from his first marriage, was contacted a couple of years ago when my niece was born and our father found out about it (how, I could only guess by looking up our profiles). I attempted to try and talk with him, maybe seeing if things could be mended, but all I got was a paragraph of him being angry that he was told he was too "toxic" for us. I never responded back, and put his number in my phone under "Satan" (ironic, considering I'm Jewish, and he's an atheist Jew, and blocked the nuber from ever contacting me, just in case he tried. That one paragraph, left my physically shaking and wanting to vomit.

I can't even stand being around anyone who has even a personality trait close to his. Worse still, anytime I notice that I do something, or reminds me that he's a DNA relative, I can get pretty suicidal. My therapist has told me that the fear of being a narcissist/psychopath or the like, and the violent self-guilt and hatred I get when I am terrified I am cause of a negative feeling in someone else, is proof that I'm not like him...but the aftermath of psychological abuse is so much harder to just "un-do". And it certainly won't be undone with a therapist saying one sentence.

I can say with brutal honesty, I constantly wait for the "next of kin" contact phone call to tell me he's dead. He cares for no one, not even those who think he is a friend to them...he somehow, will screw them over eventually once he is done getting all they will give him - unless they figure it out before he gets tired of them and moves onto another victim.

I should also note, it took me far too long to realize that at the time, a person I thought I could confide it, had me blindsided and used every. single. tactic that my father did to keep me from getting around from THEIR toxic self. It took more than one close-to-me person to point it out that the the person was actually using the issues with my father, as a way to emotionally control me in the same way. Threatening to cut themselves, using passive aggressive moods and sometimes silent treatment in order to "punish" me...for really stupid things. Like needing to go see a doctor, or needing to sleep after being awake for 48 hours.

I recognize those signs a lot better now, but my trust has been destroyed and there are very very few people I trust at all now. When it used to be that I just didn't trust myself and actually believed I was the one who was always wrong.

No. That would not have been better, because you recognize that his behavior was cruel and wrong, and you didn't deserve it. There is no reason to punish yourself for something he did.

I get it. I understand. Hell, the things I could tell you from my own childhood myself. I may not know of the insanity from YOUR perspective. But I know how much it hurts and how much of a weight it is on someone's soul.

You're absolutely right. And while damage was done, there is a lesson to be learned from it, even though it may not seem like it; in an open letter my brother wrote to our father a few months ago, he said it brilliantly (our father walked out on him when my brother was only a baby) that even though our father was never around to teach him anything, my brother learned how NOT to be like him. And he isn't in the slightest. He's a brilliant father who loves his daughter to pieces, and grieves for his son that passed away a few years ago.

My point here being; he did teach you something, though it wasn't something he intended to teach. You know compassion, empathy, care and morality. Those are some really important lessons. But I hope one day, you will also realize he taught you that you are WORTHY of care, and of yourself. All because he failed to give it to you when you deserved it.

You're very welcome. I hope anything I said might help you find some solace some way. I know you're posting under anonymous, but please feel free to send me a shout if you ever need to talk or something. I believe there are options for private messages now, which the old version of this site (as far as I knew/remember) didn't have.

Think of me as a soundboard if you like. You can vent, or share frustrations and have an outlet, or if you're just needing a pick me up, I can badly attempt to share my sense of humor. :)

If not, that's okay too! Just remember that there is nothing bad about being the opposite or "too much". Unless of course, you may be putting yourself in danger of letting yourself get harmed by being "too nice" to people who don't deserve it. Then be careful and always remember that it is okay to self-care!