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I get overwhelmed with feelings of failure

I have been brought up in a family with very high standards of what is acceptable.
members of my familoy can be judgemental towards others and say negative things about other people.
They talk positively about intelligent people and negatively about those who they consider aren't.
I try to tell my mum I don't like it when she does it but still carries on doing it.

I feel like a failure not getting into grammar or private school and not being accepted.
I feel life would be better if I got to enjoy my education. My 3 siblings had done well and got into good schools and can acheive well effortlessly.
I feel like the runt of the litter. I am not academic, didn't get diagnosed with my disabilities untill later on in life and
feel very restricted living with my inhibitations. There are very few jobs I can do and feel angry with life and think how unfair it is. I hate being at the bottom of society in regards to how my intellect is. I hate being the one insecure people like to use to make them feel better about themselves when they feel the need to put someone down.

I find when I feel like this it stops me feeling and being productive. And I feel paralysed.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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feel, people, life, hate, failure
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Helpbot
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Fern
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Intelligence is a very subjective thing!

If you grew up in a factory that made a "thing" you would shine in a test that asked about that "thing" and how it was made. I have no doubt you could further explain the history and brilliance behind such a "thing".
It is no different for any area of study. Dive in deep, and you will be the expert. It is exactly what is meant by "you can do anything you set your heart to".

The real issue here is not your intelligence, rather why you are listening to such idiots ;)
My point is, we all have strong points based on what we are passionate about.
Find your passion

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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I advise people to take diagnoses from psychiatrists with a grain of salt. Well, maybe with a truckload of salt.

Quite frankly, they will hang labels on people when they have absolutely no idea what is going on. Remember, this is the group of people who still practice electroshock therapy, turn people into zombies with psychotropic drugs, and have one of the highest suicide rates for any profession.

I would sooner accept a diagnosis from a Bantu witch doctor than a psychiatrist.

Now, there ARE people with mental illnesses, and there are some severely autistic people who cannot learn simply because they cannot concentrate on anything for more than a microsecond.

However, I am willing to bet that if you told yourself, "I can do that," you would be able to "do that" at least as often as your siblings.

Set goals for yourself. And take those "labels" and insert the into your mental shredder!

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soco
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First. Welcome to Help2.0 Our hope is that you will receive advice of how to move forward from This point on, so much so you will want to comeback to offer your assistance to another stranger.

The "smart" genes are handed out at random but it was the genes of your parents that you came to be. If they don't wish to accept that fact the onus does not fall on you to change their minds.

You are NOT dumb. Or STUPID. Or any other similar label given to you. We can't all be Einstein's. You may desire to take some short-term therapy to help but I think you have the intelligence to not surround yourself with people who wish to devalue your potential.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

Helpcomanimatedyetiwithdot256
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I am reminded of a psychological concept called "egoistic relative deprivation", which asserts that in order to assess your own value, you compare yourself to people you know are similar to you in a way, contrasting the differences to their perceived image. Objectively, there may be others more or less gifted than yourself, yet they aren't in that circle.

I don't know what the aforementioned disabilities entail, but you don't have to play their game. This view of social hierarchy is an illusion. The world is chock full of problems, and the smartest person could not solve a fraction of them alone. There are people out there who could use your help, would be grateful for what you can offer, if only your circle expanded.

Furthermore, notwithstanding a possible cliche status in social networks, would be remiss to leave this quote unmentioned: Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

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[quote]Test.[/quote]

Electric
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You don't need to be 'educated' to be sophisticated. Your 'being' has intrinsic worth. I'm sorry to say that most of your family may have the view that education defines the quality of a person - it does not. Morality and virtue defines the quality of a person.
College grads act infantile when they find themselves at the footstool position when it comes to their career choices. They think they're just going to slide right into high positions with high salaries - not the case.
Those people who do are very select and based soley on the desires and whims of the elite. They don't have to have an education because they are taken into a near-cult fold. The human at that point is ruined because inhuman actions are what keeps corporation and powerful industries alive.
Best to be a field worker.
It wasn't meant to be, for the very sake of your life. You will understand this as you become older. Meanwhile, consider all the wonderful things you can do.
Hope this helps.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Ah, Big-Al-One--very wise words, indeed!

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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I'm the faliure of my family.

I left them when I was 15, over time had less and less contact with any family member, and broke contact with them completely a couple of years ago.

My family are good people, I just can't have them see my many fails and let them down and be judged, so totally disappearing was the only way.

They have high standards and many extremely successful people in the family.
I've prob saved my parents a lot of shame by the rest of the family not knowing my screw ups.

Sometimes removing yourself is the only way to avoid the shame and judgement.

Electric
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J.N-Bucking wrote:
I've prob saved my parents a lot of shame by the rest of the family not knowing my screw ups.

Sometimes removing yourself is the only way to avoid the shame and judgement.

Isn't there a difference between sibling rivalry and the view of expectations a parent may have?

I would like to think beyond the views of success your parents may have envisioned for you, they would be more concerned for your happiness and well-being.
If you've cut all ties with mom and dad, you've put them in a position of worry...
Are you certain that alienating yourself from them is the best solution?
My experience with parents is; regardless of the up's and downs and differing views, you get them only for a very short time in life.

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Keep in mind that our feeling and brain will not be true all the time. Judging ourselves and guessing what other people think only makes you feel worst. Having someone to trust helps only if you're honest:) One life, one turn and no repeats. Hurt..hurts. Worry hurts! Keep it real and it's easier:)

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Big-Al-One wrote:

J.N-Bucking wrote:
I've prob saved my parents a lot of shame by the rest of the family not knowing my screw ups.

Sometimes removing yourself is the only way to avoid the shame and judgement.

Isn't there a difference between sibling rivalry and the view of expectations a parent may have?

I would like to think beyond the views of success your parents may have envisioned for you, they would be more concerned for your happiness and well-being.
If you've cut all ties with mom and dad, you've put them in a position of worry...
Are you certain that alienating yourself from them is the best solution?
My experience with parents is; regardless of the up's and downs and differing views, you get them only for a very short time in life.

I often feel bad and a lot of guilt for cutting all contact as I know they aren't getting any younger and they won't be here forever.

My mum worries excessively about things, I was a constant source of worry for her.

My life is a complete mess.
The less she knows the better.

I am the 1st person in the family to be divorced.
My world ended when that happened.
None of the family know about it so I have been able to avoid their judgement and shame.
They really liked him so I'd have no end of criticism for causing it, and I've enough self criticism going on, I don't need theirs as well.

There is no way I'm making contact again and having them see the mess I've made.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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I am quite certain, Miss BF, that your husband had an oar in that water, too!

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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And you are no failure!

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Max2 wrote:
Keep in mind that our feeling and brain will not be true all the time. Judging ourselves and guessing what other people think only makes you feel worst. Having someone to trust helps only if you're honest:) One life, one turn and no repeats. Hurt..hurts. Worry hurts! Keep it real and it's easier:)

Because members of my family judge people and say negatuve things about them behind their back i walk around paranoid in life.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Confucius said, "Never let others judge your potential based on their limitations!"

Electric
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Anonymous wrote:
Because members of my family judge people and say negatuve things about them behind their back I walk around paranoid in life.

Life is brutally unjudgemental - you should not be wary of life as it deals with you according to the measure of your being.
It also does the same for everyone including your family. Don't worry about what they're saying about you behind your back. Fear for them and the bed they make for themselves.

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Anonymous wrote:

Max2 wrote:
Keep in mind that our feeling and brain will not be true all the time. Judging ourselves and guessing what other people think only makes you feel worst. Having someone to trust helps only if you're honest:) One life, one turn and no repeats. Hurt..hurts. Worry hurts! Keep it real and it's easier:)

Because members of my family judge people and say negatuve things about them behind their back i walk around paranoid in life.

Very common today sadly.
We all deal with this and you can't change them or even teach them. We invite these people hoping they'll be on their best behavior. lol..crapshoot. New hobby's and meeting new people help. Moving around and keeping very busy helps also. Work in progress:) If we both had the answer we'd be on a mountain wearing a white robe and people would travel to see us...lol.

A
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