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Have you ever loved someone you shouldn't have?

I was already in a relationship that was dying off slowly, but I got rules regarding these things. No cheating, no nothing. 1 partner is all you can have in my eyes. But I started to work a new job, and I met this new girl who started with me. She introduced herself, and days went on great in learning the new work.

As time went on, I would catch her looking at me, with a small hidden smirk that she just couldn't 100% hide, more like.....96% hidden. So we kept working, talking, and eventually started to hang out outside work, and an internal romance started by accident. Coworkers joked about us hooking up when we'd hang out, but I guess I was in total denial at the time.

We never got physical, or even said anything to one anothe,r but we both knew by that little sparkle you see in someone's eyes, the way they look at you, how long they look at you. Well, she was already ina relationship, so was I, and I decided to just keep my respective distance. Like I said, nobody cheats, 1 partner only.

But I cant deny the feelings I started to develop. eventually, I think I 100% fell in love with her. I know this because we had a final test;so to speak, to get off of the training for work and start working for real. She failed it and she was kicked out for good. She was, of course, devastated. I tried to contact her, but she stopped answering for a while. In the moment that I heard that she was no longer working with me, I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I somehow knew that she and I would no longer exist.

eventually, we started talking again, but its different. She's embarrassed about not making the cut, and see's me as just a constant reminder of the very thing she lost, considering she only knows me because of that job. She's distant, lacking communication like we used to have, we never see each other.

Back to what i said before. You know how I knew that I fell in love? I was more heartbroken and honestly, I still grieve her loss more than the girlfriend I was with when we broke up(yes, she and I broke up anyways). I was never with my co-worker, yet I hurt more for her, than my recent ex........GOD I sound like such a s***-head when I put it like that....

My coworker and her gf are still together, and I hope they have a happy life together, but I'm torn. I know that if I tell her what I felt back then....that I'll kill what little connection we have now. I mean back in the working days, oh it was magical. the feelings, the flirting, conversations and studying over wine and hookah on the balcony of a restaurant with the wind blowing the cloth-curtain beside us....I know those days are gone with no hope of return......but I keep finding myself wondering........did she feel the same? I want to know, but I dont want to damage her love-life. Neither of our significant others deserved any of that......and her gf doesnt need this. I'm better off staying out from now on, but that curiosity is hurting me.

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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What’s wrong with loving somebody? I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Maybe don’t broadcast and confess to her- but what about trying to rekindle the relationship? It could build into a close and strong friendship. Or it could lead to something more, but wouldn’t even just being friends be a great thing when you’ve got a magical connection?

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Because its a secret love that developed behind two other people's backs. And I know that we will never be the same. Once she was forced to leave the job, she could barely stand to see me without remembering that the only reason I even came into her life was because of the job she just lost. I still have it, she doesn't. Not to mention, her and her girlfriend seem so happy together, and it just feels like we haven't been honest with either ourselves or our partners(my FORMER partner). It's like we've been living in emotional infidelity.....even IF what we might have felt was the genuine article.

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soco
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You cheated. Plain and simple. Your rules played no role in it. That is why the pain of the loss is so strong.

The only way to know for sure is to pursue it again and ask for final closure. You don't have that yet.

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It is a star-crossed relationship. You would always remind her of dashed hopes, of failure. You succeeded: she went down in flames. She does not want a constant reminder of that. Because of what happened, the two of you cannot be equals.

Did you ever think of asking tge employer to give her another chance? Some people just freeze up on tests.

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Pardon me, but rather than love I see here fraternisation of two coworkers of equal standing with a good measure of chemistry,
retrospectively painted with shades of oneitis due to solitude.
I don't quite fathom why she'd be so severely upset with your acceptance (just a job, after all), unless there were very few slots available and she felt like you stole the position from her; in which case envy would be difficult to appease whence you stand (aside from utlising affiliations to pull her in, as sherlock suggested).
Whilst it isn't so terrible, basking in fancies of guilty pleasure, you still have time to attempt opening up to new possibilities. The capacity to do so is impeded by second guessing every step of the path.

Postscript: If it's all the same to you, I'd appreciate some feedback, anon. Even if you disagree, I'm not sure I can fully understand through soliloquies.

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twosocks
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I think you did the right thing by respecting your at-the-time girlfriend. I think you're still doing the right thing by respecting your friend you have feelings for since she is still dating someone else. It wouldn't be right of you to confront her with your feelings and make her choose. Your best option is to stay friends with her, try to keep that friendship alive at least. And if her relationship doesn't work out, you can always swoop in and let her know how you feel. 💙

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aeolian
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I know this is off topic but people who are in relationships are more into getting off and less into being friends. I dont know where we're,going with this. Add to the mix of cyber cheating ***********pornography cheating. Im sick of todays relationships. If you can find an old fashioned relationship you found paradise. End of rant carry on

Anonymous
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Sometimes I think I fall in love with people I see on the street. Or people in pictures on the internet. Like, I see them and I think; "Wow, they're beautiful/cute/fun/sweet/awesome looking. I bet I could fall in love with them." And weirdly I'll feel something stir inside me. But it always goes away, like when you see something you want to buy online and then decide you really don't need it and you just want to spend money.

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