Bejbybird
Mya
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Domestic violence and abuse..

i'm not copying. i'm REALLY struggling. no matter what i do, nothing changes and the same abuse keeps happening..and has been my whole life.

..just now, i am so messed up, that i am physically violent myself, too. :(

i'm broke and i'm broken. and don't know how to go on anymore..

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Since writing this post Mya may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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Anonymous
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The nature of your violence is a defense mechanism against the abuse you have endured.

It's time to go. I think you know this. Starting over is much easier than suffering out the remainder of your years with abuse.

At some point, we get to a point where we become numb. You don't seem suicidal, just desperate and depressed at the same time.

Get out. Contact friends or family. Find a resource shelter. Develop employable skills. Find a new begining.

There are people who care about you - maybe people who even depend on you.

I would say, don't let them down, but in all reality, don't let yourself down.

You're a decent humanbeing. That alone should be worth protecting.

Bejbybird
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Thank you, Anonymous, i don't live with him..

And the same abuse keeps happening with different men. I don't have any family or friends who care. I have been trying to get help for years..but nothing's changed.

I didn't date for 8 years, and didnt want to date, but somehow allowed this one guy into my heart recently... it was all just lies and deceipt! :(

Happy earth
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@Mya being alone is so much better than being in a miserable chaotic relationship. You've internalized the violence and you need time to heal, maybe counseling will help too. Find something that you enjoy to keep yourself busy with friends that there's no chance of a romantic pairing (like same gender friends if you're straight, for example.)

You can get through this dear. I'll just take time for you to let yourself heal.

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Thanks, smiley. I was very happy alone..and maybe i again will be happy alone.. :/

I have had lots of counselling and help in the past 10 years, but nothing's changed and i havent changed - that's why im so sad.

I have arranged some sports with people who i dont know. My friends dont know me and it seems are not able or willing to either.

Just now im struggling to find motivation to carry on (and im not suicidal, just feel hopeless).

Screenshot 20201225 201925 google
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Get out of that relationship asap.
It isn't going to change for the better.
Be on your own again.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
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Where are you meeting these men? Stop doing that!! And stay the course with your counselling. It will definitely get better. Soon rather than later.

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ive been alone the past 8 years, and its been the happiest of my life

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Jebus-Zeus wrote:
ive been alone the past 8 years, and its been the happiest of my life

Aaaw! Well, for me it was the most peaceful..

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soco wrote:
Where are you meeting these men? Stop doing that!! And stay the course with your counselling. It will definitely get better. Soon rather than later.

Lol, thanks; i attract an abusive a**hole from miles. They just know that they will have an easy job with me :/

This last one repaired my car..

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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
Get out of that relationship asap.
It isn't going to change for the better.
Be on your own again.

:( I dont know; despite all i miss him like crazy! Not the abuse, of course. But i never had anything like it before he turned out to be messed up :/

He blocked me now as i hit him on Sunday (I couldnt take it anymore how he was mistreating me); so zero chance of anything.

Feels like a black hole in my soul..

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Show him the door and tell him to never come back. You deserve your right to not live your life in fear. He either goes or you call the police. THEN DO IT!

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
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I recently went through a similar thing. I just started trying to get back out on the dating scene and realized I am not ready. I think you have 2 options. 1 take more time and focus on you, make new friends and create a good support system (this is what I’m try to do now). 2 get back out there but go at your pace. You set the rules and make it clear that he knows that. And don’t take ****shit from no one. If you are being deceived or hurt SHUT IT DOWN. you have all the power!

Bejbybird
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soco wrote:
Show him the door and tell him to never come back. You deserve your right to not live your life in fear. He either goes or you call the police. THEN DO IT!

Thank you, soco, but he all twisted it now and threatened to call the police on me when i hit him on Sunday. And he blocked me online; yep, he wrote that he was scared of me! And i think he should be as i really struggle not to smash his face and car now :(

Bejbybird
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music=life wrote:
I recently went through a similar thing. I just started trying to get back out on the dating scene and realized I am not ready. I think you have 2 options. 1 take more time and focus on you, make new friends and create a good support system (this is what I’m try to do now). 2 get back out there but go at your pace. You set the rules and make it clear that he knows that. And don’t take ****shit from no one. If you are being deceived or hurt SHUT IT DOWN. you have all the power!

Thank you, music=life. Im sorry you have been through the same ordeal :( Hope you feel better now.

And yes, #1 for me as i can not do #2 :(

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Get a restraining order put on him. Abusers like to also play the victim. They think that it might convince you to lower your guard just a little. Don't play his games. You can do better than this guy. Hell, I can find you a true gentleman in one day for you.
A restraining order is court ordered. When he violates it you call the police. Do not engage! Let the police handle it.

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@Nevermind Care to share your wisdom please?

soco invited 1 user .
Bejbybird
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soco wrote:
Get a restraining order put on him. Abusers like to also play the victim. They think that it might convince you to lower your guard just a little. Don't play his games. You can do better than this guy. Hell, I can find you a true gentleman in one day for you.

Thank you, soco, you are right, now i see it - his sick mind games and how i fell for it :( And for his lies..

There will not be a need for a restraining order; he will leave me alone now - he has succeeded to break me; im emotionally and mentally a wreck; would quit my job and went walkabout if i didnt have a daughter. Im going out of my mind.. :/

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Thank you all for your messages! I did really badly at work today, deserve to be fired; your support got me through today. Thank you! xx

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Mya wrote:
I'm going out of my mind. :/

Actually, your mind is seeing the truth because the blinders have been removed. With a different perspective comes the truth. Today is new. Make it the first day of the rest of your life. We've got your 6.

Bejbybird
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Thank you, soco <3

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is ur partner a narcissist?

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Silverset wrote:
is ur partner a narcissist?

He behaved like one, yes. (But not a partner, just a guy i dated for a very long month.)

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she has many posts. his behaviour has nothing to do with you

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Silverset wrote:
she has many posts. his behaviour has nothing to do with you

Thank you, Silverset. Her description was 99% accurate of him. However, as she says at the end - the question is: if you will listen (that he is saying he is narcisstic) before it's too late. I NEVER do! :(

Anyway, within that month there were some positive changes in him from which i would presume that he is not pathological. But done so much hurt and damage.. - i let him :/

Thank you. xx

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What u mean by you never do?

I think by the sounds of it so much has built up and u reached breaking point ***xxx
look after urself :)

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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My advice is to never hit anyone unless it is pure, physical, self-defense. And if you have to hit someone to defend yourself, you are in a very toxic relationship.

There are plenty of decent men out there. I am reminded of one young woman I know who seemed to go out of her way to date the worst men in the city. In fact, she wouldn't date anyone unless he was an "underdog," i.e., a member of a minority group, fat, poor, persecuted in some way, a rejected by his family, etc., etc. She wasted about five years of her life on guys with whom there was no future. Now she finally has a decent boyfriend who treats her like a lady.

Are you, dear Mya, someone who seeks out underdogs out of some misplaced sense of guilt?

Dating and relationships should be totally separate from social work. You should be looking for someone who will be a reliable, trustworthy partner--and who will treat you and your daughter right.

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Silverset wrote:
What u mean by you never do?

I think by the sounds of it so much has built up and u reached breaking point ***xxx
look after urself :)

Yes, you are absolutely right - so much had happened and i did reach a breaking point.

However, as Sherlock writes, i am fully aware that hiting him was wrong (and after he 'politely asked me to leave' or he would call the police, i also hit a mirror on his car as i eventually left).

I agree there is no excuse for hitting someone or their property. It was wrong of me.

And to answer why i NEVER listen which will answer also Sherlock - yes, in the past i went ONLY for underdogs! For various reasons as i tried to figure these out for the past 10 years. That is when i began to live a celibate life on a recommendation of a therapist - she said two years celibacy before a therapy can start.

However, after two years i had no money for a therapy and i thought i was all 'cured', i began dating and after just one date with maybe a fifth guy from a dating site, i was extremely lucky to survive and in good health! :(

I realised i am not capable of dating safely and i was a danger to myself, so stopped dating altogether. As i became a Christian at that time, i offered my celibate life to God and asked him to heal me of my selfdestruction and i would serve him by fostering children...

So now when i am at a position to finally foster as my daughter is going to uni, i realised that if i was pregnant with this guy (which is almost impossible as i had a sterilization), i would not keep the child even if it miraculously survived - i'd get it adopted! :(( Two men left me when i got pregnant. I aborted the second baby - the guy told me for almost 10 months every day how much he loved me and how he wanted to marry me, and then wben i told him i was pregnant, he didnot say a word; he went out to have a cigarret, and when he got in the house, he picked up a few things which he had in my place, and he left - without saying one word! :(

I have spent the past 10 years reading about pathologicals, having counselling and recovering as i have been suffering with all sorts of mental issues since then. I 'became a Christian' because when the last psychopath destroyed all he could and wouldnt leave me alone and i had no support, and couldnt even get a restraining order, i began contemplating to kill him. I wasnt copying at all and i didnt see any other way. However, up to that oint i was against violence or killing my whole life; and i remember sitting there thinking how wrong i had been and that some people do need to be killed as they are so dangerous.. It was at that time when i 'heard' (what i believe was) God, to tell me that i didnt want to do that, that i wanted to go to church instead. And i went! I always hated religion and nobody could believe that i would go as i was behaving like a total rebel..

Anyway, so here i am, after 10 year celibacy, never wanting to date again, happy with attempting to follow Christ, and looking forward to finally foster kids; i allowed this guy to talk me into going on a date with him ,which he said was not even a date, and i told him only one date, and then i won't see him again.. (and shall i even mention having ***sex which i didnt want at all to happen!) Yep, what a fool! All destroyed.. i just want to run away and live somewhere in a jungle :((((

And praying that God will give me that self control not to smash the guy's car and his face..as at this point all is hopeless, all is broken; i dont know how to go on anymore!

I say thank you again, guys, you are keeping my sanity, im struggling to carry on going big time..

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If he ain't actin' like Jesus, then he ain't the one.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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My dearest Mya, you can follow Christ and still have a decent man in your life.

I stress that word "decent." I have noted, over decades of living, that approximately 70% of the population do not make good life mates. They are either too selfish, too demanding, too immature or abusive. When looking for a possible lifemate, you want to concentrate your efforts in that upper 30% "band of excellence," or really within the upper 5%!

I will note one thing about being a Christian. When you decide to follow Christ, Satan will throw everything at you--including the kitchen sink. He leaves spiritual couch potatoes alone, as he figures they are already in the bag. Always remember this!

You may wish to talk to a minister of your faith for spiritual advice. If your minister does not do pastoral counseling--find another minister!

You have gone through some terrible experiences. I remember one of my female warrant officers telling me about being married to a doctor, accompanying to Sweden for a sabbatical, and then being left alone in the airport while she was nine months pregnant! Yes, there are plenty of rotten men out there in that bottom 70%! And, I might add, rotten women, too!

It is quite natural to contemplate wiping your enemies from the face of the earth, but we must dismiss such thoughts, as such judgments and punishments are reserved to God. We all have that "reptilian brain" in the core of our consciousness--that id--that spurs us to take the most primal of actions, but we have to suppress that while living in a civilized society.

You can still be in a committed relationship--but, as you know, you must stop accepting underdogs for dating purposes. And, if you "fell off the wagon" just recently, forgive yourself and move on. Just set your sights higher.

I recommend becoming more active in your church, and not worrying about doubts--but explore these doubts and seek knowledge. The answers to your doubts are out there, and they will be unlocked as you seek the ultimate Truth!

Bejbybird
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Anonymous wrote:
If he ain't actin' like Jesus, then he ain't the one.

:) i dont act like Jesus either; but thank you!

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Mya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If he ain't actin' like Jesus, then he ain't the one.

:) i dont act like Jesus either; but thank you!

If we did, we wouldn't have needed Him, right? ;-)

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Dear Sherlock, thank you so much for your post - I totally agree with you on almost everything!

I don't know if I deserve a decent guy though, and certainly if they are any around me; they make sure they stay well away as i am so damaged. Anyway, I wouldnt be looking for one now..

I will need to move in September 5hrs from here, and i am dreading the change from practical reasons.

I dont have a church :( i had to give up on going as people found it hard and unpleasant to be around me. I am too damaged.. So, can't talk to a minister, or get more active in church.

I am angry with myself for falling for Satan's lies and deceipt again; and why Papa up there let's me fall on my face all the time! Im over 40 now! :( But i have asked Him for forgiveness and i know i have to forgive myself now.

I struggle to figure out if i need to apologise to the guy, which i had already done by texts as i wanted us to figure things out and to try again. But he just yelled that he was scared of me and he wouldnt let me hit him again..

I think it is his birthday on Monday so i will struggle until then not to contact him to apologise as yes, i am so sorry for hiting him. :( i still love him and miss him so much; we could have maybe figure things out if i had not done it..

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Everybody, no matter how damaged, deserves a decent person or no romantic partner at all. Nobody, not one person on Earth, deserves a partner who hurts them on purpose.

You've apologized to the man for hitting him. Let him go now. The thing that caused you to lose your temper will happen again. You should work on loving and accepting yourself before you will be able to recognize it in someone else.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Mya, we are ALL damaged. It's true. The experiences we have, the things that are done to us, and even the things we do to others take a toll on us.

All we can do is forgive ourselves and work on transcending those things. Bad childhood? OK, that is quite regrettable. But to continue to nurse that pain won't help anything. You must transcend it--rise above it.

Many people have been abused. Many have been told that they were worthless. And many of the most successful people in the world today were abused and were told they were worthless.

It is a lie that you are too damaged for human companionship, or that you are too damaged to talk to a minister or too damaged to be of service to God. And you know who is the author of all lies, right?

Now is the time for "damage control," for repairing the damage you have suffered and for transcending all the things that make you feel you don't deserve the best in life.

You are still young--really, you are! Don't sequester yourself for another 10 years while believing lies about yourself. Get out in circulation. Be a friend to others. Contain your anger (we all have to do it). Find outlets for your energies. Set goals for yourself!

You should always have goal on the horizon!

Go to church on Sunday. If your last church wasn't warm, welcoming and supportive, go to another church!

God did not intend for you to sit on the sidelines and be a mere spectator. You have an important part in the Divine Plan. Now you must find out what it is and fulfill your part!

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these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

Bejbybird
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smiley wrote:
Everybody, no matter how damaged, deserves a decent person or no romantic partner at all. Nobody, not one person on Earth, deserves a partner who hurts them on purpose.

No romantic partner for me then.. :•]

smiley wrote:

You've apologized to the man for hitting him. Let him go now. The thing that caused you to lose your temper will happen again. You should work on loving and accepting yourself before you will be able to recognize it in someone else.

I agree, but would you mind restraining me until Tuesday, please? 0:)

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Anonymous wrote:
these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

:(((( how come?

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Sherlock, thank you. As i suffer with cptsd i know a bit about damage in people. However, i'd argue that i am damaged a little bit more than most, as so far i have been bullied out from every single place where i have been (apart of one job where i was the only woman among 5 men, and wore high heals and short skirts). On bad days i can't even go to a shop without someone attacking me in some way. And last year i began getting attacked by animals, too!

And talking to a minister? Ha, if only i could say..! :(

People in my last church did try to be nice. But it was a lot of efford for them and i didnot want to be a burden..

I have quite a few friends, but none understand me..

My goal of fostering has just been crushed! :,(

My five year battle for a certain cause seems to be just lost now as i can no longer concentrate on it because of the guy.

And sadly, for my age, i look too good :( people guess at least ten years less, but it is all due to my immaturity..and it still gets me in lots of trouble with men; although i try to dress as dull as i can and am overweight now.

I can (now) forgive myself. However, what keeps me trapped in the past is my inability to forgive other people who hurt me.. No matter how much i want it, and try, and pray for the grace to do it; my heart is rock solid with unforgiveness..

One 'good' thing about this guy was that he was more unforgiving than i am, and the first guy ever who had an ego bigger than me! It, interestingly, helped me.. ;D

I need to somehow survive this weekend without contacting him :( Hope you will have an excellent weekend time!

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somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

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Anonymous wrote:
somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

If I were in a tree in the middle of a flood, I would not insist on Jesus personally coming down to me and getting me out of that tree. I would avail myself of anybody coming by in a boat or a helicopter!

From my vantage point, I see a world that is lost without God. I do not see humanity as having the will to prevent the destruction of our planet. I look around and see the common good being sacrificed for the personal gain. Look around you--do you feel optimistic about the future? You have all of these preppers--they are preparing for an apocalypse, because they don't have faith that our government or the governments of the world will do the right thing in time. Where I am right now civilization is unraveling. I see a long night of barbarism descending upon the world. The will to resist is lessening. In the Western countries, the birth rate of the "native" people is not enough to offset the death rate.

I see that night coming. And I see only one Light that is able to dispel the darkness.

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Mya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

:(((( how come?

my parents' religion :((

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Sherlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

If I were in a tree in the middle of a flood, I would not insist on Jesus personally coming down to me and getting me out of that tree. I would avail myself of anybody coming by in a boat or a helicopter!

From my vantage point, I see a world that is lost without God. I do not see humanity as having the will to prevent the destruction of our planet. I look around and see the common good being sacrificed for the personal gain. Look around you--do you feel optimistic about the future? You have all of these preppers--they are preparing for an apocalypse, because they don't have faith that our government or the governments of the world will do the right thing in time. Where I am right now civilization is unraveling. I see a long night of barbarism descending upon the world. The will to resist is lessening. In the Western countries, the birth rate of the "native" people is not enough to offset the death rate.

I see that night coming. And I see only one Light that is able to dispel the darkness.

theres really no need for sarcasm and bitterness over my views

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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No sarcasm or bitterness. Just my evaluation based on a lifetime of observations. Why would you think otherwise?

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Anonymous wrote:

my parents' religion :((

I would find it hard, too. Hope you don't have to have an arranged marriage! :(

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Anonymous wrote:
somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

I didnt take an offence, thanks.

If you dont know Jesus, it's hard to know how much you need Him..

I am absolutely certain Jesus is THE ANSWER to my problems; and the reason i got into this mess with this guy is that I did not put Jesus first.. Although i wanted to and tried, my faith was weak..

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Mya wrote:

BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
Get out of that relationship asap.
It isn't going to change for the better.
Be on your own again.

:( I dont know; despite all i miss him like crazy! Not the abuse, of course. But i never had anything like it before he turned out to be messed up :/

He blocked me now as i hit him on Sunday (I couldnt take it anymore how he was mistreating me); so zero chance of anything.

Feels like a black hole in my soul..

If he has blocked you he has made things easier for you to stay away.

If he wont work at changing, getting therapy for his actions, you need to walk away.

You only miss him cos of the control he has over you.

Bejbybird
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:

If he has blocked you he has made things easier for you to stay away.

If he wont work at changing, getting therapy for his actions, you need to walk away.

You only miss him cos of the control he has over you.

Yes, you are right, he has made it easier..

And, no, he will not look for a therapy.. he lives in oblivion and a total denial. Maintains a public persona of a gentlemen and a religious person.

Perhaps, i do miss him because of the control he has over me. He was very good at that - had done things what no guy ever did for me..in one moment..and in the next he would say that i mean nothing to him.. :( that's when i lost it and now feel that i am the one who ruined everything!

Thanks, JN, i so would like that walk now! When are you going next? :)

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To be that evil in privacy but have such a nice persona on the outside shows clear psychotic traits, this just makes him more dangerous.
He doesn't see his behaviour as wrong, he never will .

Get out b3fore he kills You!!

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May be going for a walk tomorrow, haven't fully decided yet...

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Mya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

my parents' religion :((

I would find it hard, too. Hope you don't have to have an arranged marriage! :(

thanks but it'll be hard because theyre pushing for it very hard and you know what other problems i have, well some of them

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Sherlock wrote:
No sarcasm or bitterness. Just my evaluation based on a lifetime of observations. Why would you think otherwise?

well i thought it was being aimed at me, it sounds like that. also you know why they call them the dark ages its because christianity has quite a dark side to it no one can deny it

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Mya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

I didnt take an offence, thanks.

If you dont know Jesus, it's hard to know how much you need Him..

I am absolutely certain Jesus is THE ANSWER to my problems; and the reason i got into this mess with this guy is that I did not put Jesus first.. Although i wanted to and tried, my faith was weak..

well i got into that religion several times and left several times because its anti female and anti something else very important. Jesus actually tells you not to look at women with lust i mean its too much just too much or else youll go to hell. thats too much so i left but theres another religion i have to deal with at home thats just as bad or worse.

anyway hope you stop attracting wrong kinda guys

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Anonymous wrote:

Sherlock wrote:
No sarcasm or bitterness. Just my evaluation based on a lifetime of observations. Why would you think otherwise?

well i thought it was being aimed at me, it sounds like that. also you know why they call them the dark ages its because christianity has quite a dark side to it no one can deny it

"Churchianity" has a dark side. But not what Jesus taught: love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Many churches today have doctrines and practices that are far from what Jesus taught. Example: the Catholic Church, which denies communion to divorced and remarried persons.

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Anonymous wrote:

Mya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

I didnt take an offence, thanks.

If you dont know Jesus, it's hard to know how much you need Him..

I am absolutely certain Jesus is THE ANSWER to my problems; and the reason i got into this mess with this guy is that I did not put Jesus first.. Although i wanted to and tried, my faith was weak..

well i got into that religion several times and left several times because its anti female and anti something else very important. Jesus actually tells you not to look at women with lust i mean its too much just too much or else youll go to hell. thats too much so i left but theres another religion i have to deal with at home thats just as bad or worse.

anyway hope you stop attracting wrong kinda guys

Some CHURCHES made it anti-female. St. Paul recognized and honoured women who were the LEADERS of their congregations.

He asked the women in Corinth to "pipe down" because, being former pagans, they kept interrupting the minister with questions.

The Nicene Creed first draft was written by Barbara, bishop of Nicaea. It was the Roman Empire, which didn't allow women into leadership positions, that squelched the role of women in the churches.

As St. Paul said, in Christ there is neither Greek nor Jew, or male and female. We are all ONE.

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Sherlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sherlock wrote:
No sarcasm or bitterness. Just my evaluation based on a lifetime of observations. Why would you think otherwise?

well i thought it was being aimed at me, it sounds like that. also you know why they call them the dark ages its because christianity has quite a dark side to it no one can deny it

"Churchianity" has a dark side. But not what Jesus taught: love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Many churches today have doctrines and practices that are far from what Jesus taught. Example: the Catholic Church, which denies communion to divorced and remarried persons.

"denies communion to divorced and remarried persons"

thats right outta the bible

Happy earth
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Anonymous wrote:
these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

It's probably better. You're only missing out on a lot of damaging drama that ends in sadness and frustration.

I hope when you do marry, your spouse is a good one and the two of you are happy together.

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smiley wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

It's probably better. You're only missing out on a lot of damaging drama that ends in sadness and frustration.

I hope when you do marry, your spouse is a good one and the two of you are happy together.

no my parents are forcing me in an arranged marriage... for years

Happy earth
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Anonymous wrote:

no my parents are forcing me in an arranged marriage... for years

You are Muslim?

If yes, a forced marriage is not a marriage at all. Arranged is fine, but only if both parties agree to it. If both parties don't consent without coercion, the marriage is invalid and any physical relations would count as ****rape, which is punishable by death of the attacker if an Islamic society existed. (It doesn't exist.) I hope you and your parents know this.

You are allowed to say no. If you aren't comfortable with it, you should say no.

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smiley wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

no my parents are forcing me in an arranged marriage... for years

You are Muslim?

If yes, a forced marriage is not a marriage at all. Arranged is fine, but only if both parties agree to it. If both parties don't consent without coercion, the marriage is invalid and any physical relations would count as ****rape, which is punishable by death of the attacker if an Islamic society existed. (It doesn't exist.) I hope you and your parents know this.

You are allowed to say no. If you aren't comfortable with it, you should say no.

theyre hindu
i'm i guess agnostic atheist but they keep insisting on their traditions/pushing em on me even tho i keep refusing

Happy earth
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Anonymous wrote:

theyre hindu
i'm i guess agnostic atheist but they keep insisting on their traditions/pushing em on me even tho i keep refusing

I'm so sorry. I don't know much about Hinduism, but I can't imagine there's any religion that says it's ok to oppress your own family.

Not having to go through dating isn't necessarily a bad thing. It definitely produces more harm than good. But forced marriage is abuse.

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smiley wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

theyre hindu
i'm i guess agnostic atheist but they keep insisting on their traditions/pushing em on me even tho i keep refusing

I'm so sorry. I don't know much about Hinduism, but I can't imagine there's any religion that says it's ok to oppress your own family.

Not having to go through dating isn't necessarily a bad thing. It definitely produces more harm than good. But forced marriage is abuse.

well theyre toxic as hell. neway thx

Bejbybird
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Sherlock wrote:

"Churchianity" has a dark side. But not what Jesus taught: love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Many churches today have doctrines and practices that are far from what Jesus taught. Example: the Catholic Church, which denies communion to divorced and remarried persons.

anonymous wrote:
well i got into that religion several times and left several times because its anti female and anti something else very important. Jesus actually tells you not to look at women with lust i mean its too much just too much or else youll go to hell. thats too much so i left but theres another religion i have to deal with at home thats just as bad or worse.

anyway hope you stop attracting wrong kinda guys

I agree with Sherlock, Jesus and the church are two very different things.. The church does not get it right most of the time. Why Jesus allows it is another question. But have you tried having a relationship with Jesus instead of just going to church?

And are you actually a female or a male? Sorry, I'm a bit confused here.. I also found not only Christianity, but God Himself anti female, and been battling with it for years. Despite this, I know only Jesus is the answer for me..

Jesus can give you grace and help 'not to look at females with lust'.. or whatever other sin you are struggling with.

Thank you so much - yes, please, can I stop attracting wrong kinda guys! And thank you for contributing to my post. It did bring it into a perspective. I do not know how I could help you; just hope and pray that there will be a way that you do not have to be forced into an arranged marriage. :( May Jesus touch the heart of your parents, or take any action so you can be free to marry who you will choose. A big hug! Stay in touch, please xx

Bejbybird
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
To be that evil in privacy but have such a nice persona on the outside shows clear psychotic traits, this just makes him more dangerous.
He doesn't see his behaviour as wrong, he never will .

Get out b3fore he kills You!!

Well, psychotic.. i am not a shrink, but the boy is deluded! I know he had abuse in childhood, and a broken heart, and did not cope well with it - he did not resolve his hurt and pain, so now he came up with a twisted solution..

Killing is something what I dread that I would be capable of when i don't cope with abuse.. :( Not mentioning all the lies and deceit; he tortured me emotionally, and tried to control whatever he could - including my thoughts, feelings, and behaviour; and punish me for not conforming or 'rejecting him' etc.

And no, he does not see anything wrong with that; no insight whatsoever, so blissfully unaware.. However, the reason why I don't think he is pathological is, that we did make some small progress together. He did care enough about me to attempt changes, but these turned out to be too fast or too much.. he had to retract into his shell of ignorance to protect himself and his illusionary world.

I am still battling whether I should go up there to his place and leave him some birthday present.. But I agree, the 'relationship' should not continue the way it is, else we will destroy each other completely.

BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:
May be going for a walk tomorrow, haven't fully decided yet...

Oh, hope you had a good one if you went! I met a friend just for a local walk around a lake, but we ended up in a cafe chatting instead.

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Mya wrote:

Sherlock wrote:

"Churchianity" has a dark side. But not what Jesus taught: love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Many churches today have doctrines and practices that are far from what Jesus taught. Example: the Catholic Church, which denies communion to divorced and remarried persons.

anonymous wrote:
well i got into that religion several times and left several times because its anti female and anti something else very important. Jesus actually tells you not to look at women with lust i mean its too much just too much or else youll go to hell. thats too much so i left but theres another religion i have to deal with at home thats just as bad or worse.

anyway hope you stop attracting wrong kinda guys

I agree with Sherlock, Jesus and the church are two very different things.. The church does not get it right most of the time. Why Jesus allows it is another question. But have you tried having a relationship with Jesus instead of just going to church?

And are you actually a female or a male? Sorry, I'm a bit confused here.. I also found not only Christianity, but God Himself anti female, and been battling with it for years. Despite this, I know only Jesus is the answer for me..

Jesus can give you grace and help 'not to look at females with lust'.. or whatever other sin you are struggling with.

Thank you so much - yes, please, can I stop attracting wrong kinda guys! And thank you for contributing to my post. It did bring it into a perspective. I do not know how I could help you; just hope and pray that there will be a way that you do not have to be forced into an arranged marriage. :( May Jesus touch the heart of your parents, or take any action so you can be free to marry who you will choose. A big hug! Stay in touch, please xx

but looking at women isn't a sin and shouldn't be something you get sent to hell for because mythology says so, you know what I mean. Yes God is anti female. Theres something wrong seriously wrong with most religions i've looked at. cant we all get along without religions getting in the way

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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anonymous wrote:
but looking at women isn't a sin and shouldn't be something you get sent to hell for because mythology says so, you know what I mean. Yes God is anti female. Theres something wrong seriously wrong with most religions i've looked at. cant we all get along without religions getting in the way

Well, Anon, things get really complicated when Christians get caught up in MISTRANSLATIONS of the Bible. In Exodus, the Greek word for "wife" in the "Do not covet your neighbor's wife" context is the same Greek word translated into "woman" in Matthew 5:27-28. The passage should read, "Whoever looks at a wife to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Yes, you can "lust" after your wife, or your fiance--and that's perfectly normal. Just do not look at her like a piece of meat. You should see the child of God first--the human being first--the soul first. Obviously, if we could not act on legitimate sexual attraction, we would go extinct as a species.

What the early Christian translators did not "get" when translating the Bible--because they lacked a background in Jewish custom and culture--was the meaning of "coveting" in the context of the Tenth Commandment. You have to know that when the Hebrew חמד or Greek ἐπιθυμέω are used as verbs in the Old Testament, it means desire directed at physically possessing the actual thing in question, and not merely the existence of the desire itself. So coveting actually means thinking about how you are going to GET the thing you desire, i.e., how you are going to take the man's wife or the woman's husband away for yourself. That's why coveting is so wrong!

Don't even get me started about Jepthah supposedly sacrificing his daughter as a burnt offering!

Sooo much consternation from these mistranslations! And the fundamentalists who insist that there is no translation but the 1611 King James version are the worst!

Bejbybird
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Anonymous wrote:

but looking at women isn't a sin and shouldn't be something you get sent to hell for because mythology says so, you know what I mean. Yes God is anti female. Theres something wrong seriously wrong with most religions i've looked at. cant we all get along without religions getting in the way

There are many types of sin.. murder, stealing, lying, etc. not only lust. (They talk about 7 deadly sins). I struggle with many sins, and lust used to be one of them. By God's grace I did overcome it! You can do it too, if that is the only thing which worries you..

And God does not want anyone of us to end up in hell! He wants us all to be saved.. but we need to ask Him for that - to be saved, and for help with our sins.

Hell is not only a place where we will spend eternity - we can live in hell right here on this planet! Sin messes up our mind and our heart and our relationship with God. Think about a marital infidelity, and what damage it does to the relationship.

Biblically, Jesus is our groom - we are married to Him (regardless whether we are a male or female). He wants to have a happy, loving relationship with us! And as in a marriage you wouldn't want your spouse to cheat, He does not want us to cheat on Him either.

I hope it makes sense...?

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