The nature of your violence is a defense mechanism against the abuse you have endured.

It's time to go. I think you know this. Starting over is much easier than suffering out the remainder of your years with abuse.

At some point, we get to a point where we become numb. You don't seem suicidal, just desperate and depressed at the same time.

Get out. Contact friends or family. Find a resource shelter. Develop employable skills. Find a new begining.

There are people who care about you - maybe people who even depend on you.

I would say, don't let them down, but in all reality, don't let yourself down.

You're a decent humanbeing. That alone should be worth protecting.

@Mya being alone is so much better than being in a miserable chaotic relationship. You've internalized the violence and you need time to heal, maybe counseling will help too. Find something that you enjoy to keep yourself busy with friends that there's no chance of a romantic pairing (like same gender friends if you're straight, for example.)

You can get through this dear. I'll just take time for you to let yourself heal.

Get out of that relationship asap.
It isn't going to change for the better.
Be on your own again.

Where are you meeting these men? Stop doing that!! And stay the course with your counselling. It will definitely get better. Soon rather than later.

ive been alone the past 8 years, and its been the happiest of my life

Show him the door and tell him to never come back. You deserve your right to not live your life in fear. He either goes or you call the police. THEN DO IT!

I recently went through a similar thing. I just started trying to get back out on the dating scene and realized I am not ready. I think you have 2 options. 1 take more time and focus on you, make new friends and create a good support system (this is what I’m try to do now). 2 get back out there but go at your pace. You set the rules and make it clear that he knows that. And don’t take ****shit from no one. If you are being deceived or hurt SHUT IT DOWN. you have all the power!

Get a restraining order put on him. Abusers like to also play the victim. They think that it might convince you to lower your guard just a little. Don't play his games. You can do better than this guy. Hell, I can find you a true gentleman in one day for you.
A restraining order is court ordered. When he violates it you call the police. Do not engage! Let the police handle it.

@Nevermind Care to share your wisdom please?

Actually, your mind is seeing the truth because the blinders have been removed. With a different perspective comes the truth. Today is new. Make it the first day of the rest of your life. We've got your 6.

is ur partner a narcissist?

I recommend looking at this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru6LmRkTD7M

she has many posts. his behaviour has nothing to do with you

What u mean by you never do?

I think by the sounds of it so much has built up and u reached breaking point ***xxx
look after urself :)

My advice is to never hit anyone unless it is pure, physical, self-defense. And if you have to hit someone to defend yourself, you are in a very toxic relationship.

There are plenty of decent men out there. I am reminded of one young woman I know who seemed to go out of her way to date the worst men in the city. In fact, she wouldn't date anyone unless he was an "underdog," i.e., a member of a minority group, fat, poor, persecuted in some way, a rejected by his family, etc., etc. She wasted about five years of her life on guys with whom there was no future. Now she finally has a decent boyfriend who treats her like a lady.

Are you, dear Mya, someone who seeks out underdogs out of some misplaced sense of guilt?

Dating and relationships should be totally separate from social work. You should be looking for someone who will be a reliable, trustworthy partner--and who will treat you and your daughter right.

If he ain't actin' like Jesus, then he ain't the one.

My dearest Mya, you can follow Christ and still have a decent man in your life.

I stress that word "decent." I have noted, over decades of living, that approximately 70% of the population do not make good life mates. They are either too selfish, too demanding, too immature or abusive. When looking for a possible lifemate, you want to concentrate your efforts in that upper 30% "band of excellence," or really within the upper 5%!

I will note one thing about being a Christian. When you decide to follow Christ, Satan will throw everything at you--including the kitchen sink. He leaves spiritual couch potatoes alone, as he figures they are already in the bag. Always remember this!

You may wish to talk to a minister of your faith for spiritual advice. If your minister does not do pastoral counseling--find another minister!

You have gone through some terrible experiences. I remember one of my female warrant officers telling me about being married to a doctor, accompanying to Sweden for a sabbatical, and then being left alone in the airport while she was nine months pregnant! Yes, there are plenty of rotten men out there in that bottom 70%! And, I might add, rotten women, too!

It is quite natural to contemplate wiping your enemies from the face of the earth, but we must dismiss such thoughts, as such judgments and punishments are reserved to God. We all have that "reptilian brain" in the core of our consciousness--that id--that spurs us to take the most primal of actions, but we have to suppress that while living in a civilized society.

You can still be in a committed relationship--but, as you know, you must stop accepting underdogs for dating purposes. And, if you "fell off the wagon" just recently, forgive yourself and move on. Just set your sights higher.

I recommend becoming more active in your church, and not worrying about doubts--but explore these doubts and seek knowledge. The answers to your doubts are out there, and they will be unlocked as you seek the ultimate Truth!

If we did, we wouldn't have needed Him, right? ;-)

Everybody, no matter how damaged, deserves a decent person or no romantic partner at all. Nobody, not one person on Earth, deserves a partner who hurts them on purpose.

You've apologized to the man for hitting him. Let him go now. The thing that caused you to lose your temper will happen again. You should work on loving and accepting yourself before you will be able to recognize it in someone else.

Mya, we are ALL damaged. It's true. The experiences we have, the things that are done to us, and even the things we do to others take a toll on us.

All we can do is forgive ourselves and work on transcending those things. Bad childhood? OK, that is quite regrettable. But to continue to nurse that pain won't help anything. You must transcend it--rise above it.

Many people have been abused. Many have been told that they were worthless. And many of the most successful people in the world today were abused and were told they were worthless.

It is a lie that you are too damaged for human companionship, or that you are too damaged to talk to a minister or too damaged to be of service to God. And you know who is the author of all lies, right?

Now is the time for "damage control," for repairing the damage you have suffered and for transcending all the things that make you feel you don't deserve the best in life.

You are still young--really, you are! Don't sequester yourself for another 10 years while believing lies about yourself. Get out in circulation. Be a friend to others. Contain your anger (we all have to do it). Find outlets for your energies. Set goals for yourself!

You should always have goal on the horizon!

Go to church on Sunday. If your last church wasn't warm, welcoming and supportive, go to another church!

God did not intend for you to sit on the sidelines and be a mere spectator. You have an important part in the Divine Plan. Now you must find out what it is and fulfill your part!

these are very bad times in general but for what its worth sorry
as for me i've never even been allowed to be in a relationship thats a non marriage relationship

somehow i doubt Jesus is the answer to these problems. no offense

If I were in a tree in the middle of a flood, I would not insist on Jesus personally coming down to me and getting me out of that tree. I would avail myself of anybody coming by in a boat or a helicopter!

From my vantage point, I see a world that is lost without God. I do not see humanity as having the will to prevent the destruction of our planet. I look around and see the common good being sacrificed for the personal gain. Look around you--do you feel optimistic about the future? You have all of these preppers--they are preparing for an apocalypse, because they don't have faith that our government or the governments of the world will do the right thing in time. Where I am right now civilization is unraveling. I see a long night of barbarism descending upon the world. The will to resist is lessening. In the Western countries, the birth rate of the "native" people is not enough to offset the death rate.

I see that night coming. And I see only one Light that is able to dispel the darkness.

my parents' religion :((

theres really no need for sarcasm and bitterness over my views

No sarcasm or bitterness. Just my evaluation based on a lifetime of observations. Why would you think otherwise?

If he has blocked you he has made things easier for you to stay away.

If he wont work at changing, getting therapy for his actions, you need to walk away.

You only miss him cos of the control he has over you.

To be that evil in privacy but have such a nice persona on the outside shows clear psychotic traits, this just makes him more dangerous.
He doesn't see his behaviour as wrong, he never will .

Get out b3fore he kills You!!

May be going for a walk tomorrow, haven't fully decided yet...

thanks but it'll be hard because theyre pushing for it very hard and you know what other problems i have, well some of them

well i thought it was being aimed at me, it sounds like that. also you know why they call them the dark ages its because christianity has quite a dark side to it no one can deny it

well i got into that religion several times and left several times because its anti female and anti something else very important. Jesus actually tells you not to look at women with lust i mean its too much just too much or else youll go to hell. thats too much so i left but theres another religion i have to deal with at home thats just as bad or worse.

anyway hope you stop attracting wrong kinda guys

"Churchianity" has a dark side. But not what Jesus taught: love, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Many churches today have doctrines and practices that are far from what Jesus taught. Example: the Catholic Church, which denies communion to divorced and remarried persons.

Some CHURCHES made it anti-female. St. Paul recognized and honoured women who were the LEADERS of their congregations.

He asked the women in Corinth to "pipe down" because, being former pagans, they kept interrupting the minister with questions.

The Nicene Creed first draft was written by Barbara, bishop of Nicaea. It was the Roman Empire, which didn't allow women into leadership positions, that squelched the role of women in the churches.

As St. Paul said, in Christ there is neither Greek nor Jew, or male and female. We are all ONE.

"denies communion to divorced and remarried persons"

thats right outta the bible

It's probably better. You're only missing out on a lot of damaging drama that ends in sadness and frustration.

I hope when you do marry, your spouse is a good one and the two of you are happy together.

no my parents are forcing me in an arranged marriage... for years

You are Muslim?

If yes, a forced marriage is not a marriage at all. Arranged is fine, but only if both parties agree to it. If both parties don't consent without coercion, the marriage is invalid and any physical relations would count as ****rape, which is punishable by death of the attacker if an Islamic society existed. (It doesn't exist.) I hope you and your parents know this.

You are allowed to say no. If you aren't comfortable with it, you should say no.

theyre hindu
i'm i guess agnostic atheist but they keep insisting on their traditions/pushing em on me even tho i keep refusing

I'm so sorry. I don't know much about Hinduism, but I can't imagine there's any religion that says it's ok to oppress your own family.

Not having to go through dating isn't necessarily a bad thing. It definitely produces more harm than good. But forced marriage is abuse.

well theyre toxic as hell. neway thx

but looking at women isn't a sin and shouldn't be something you get sent to hell for because mythology says so, you know what I mean. Yes God is anti female. Theres something wrong seriously wrong with most religions i've looked at. cant we all get along without religions getting in the way

Well, Anon, things get really complicated when Christians get caught up in MISTRANSLATIONS of the Bible. In Exodus, the Greek word for "wife" in the "Do not covet your neighbor's wife" context is the same Greek word translated into "woman" in Matthew 5:27-28. The passage should read, "Whoever looks at a wife to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Yes, you can "lust" after your wife, or your fiance--and that's perfectly normal. Just do not look at her like a piece of meat. You should see the child of God first--the human being first--the soul first. Obviously, if we could not act on legitimate sexual attraction, we would go extinct as a species.

What the early Christian translators did not "get" when translating the Bible--because they lacked a background in Jewish custom and culture--was the meaning of "coveting" in the context of the Tenth Commandment. You have to know that when the Hebrew חמד or Greek ἐπιθυμέω are used as verbs in the Old Testament, it means desire directed at physically possessing the actual thing in question, and not merely the existence of the desire itself. So coveting actually means thinking about how you are going to GET the thing you desire, i.e., how you are going to take the man's wife or the woman's husband away for yourself. That's why coveting is so wrong!

Don't even get me started about Jepthah supposedly sacrificing his daughter as a burnt offering!

Sooo much consternation from these mistranslations! And the fundamentalists who insist that there is no translation but the 1611 King James version are the worst!