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Helpcomanimatedyetiwithdot256
๐•อคอญอฅฬ‡๐•–๐•ฅ๐•šใ€‚(Yeti.)

I've been scared of someone for years and because of the illness I had feel bad for even considering contacting them.

He used to be scared of me to the point he used to cross the road to get away from me. then I would do the same back to him. the second time I dont it to him he crossed the road and deliberately walked past me.

I had enough of walking around to where I need to go and have to see him now and then and feel scared.

I want this tension to end considering I got the vibe he wanted my attention.

for over 15 years theres been this problem.

I was considering sending this via facebook but do u think this could be a bad idea?

"Please don't hurt me. why do u want to hurt me? Im scared you want to hurt me. I just tried to leave you alone because I thought thatโ€™s what you wanted.
Taking into consideration the illness I had, If I donโ€™t get a response I take it you donโ€™t feel comfortable round me and I will be KEEPING my distance."


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I used to have attachment problems triggered be him trying to hurt me after I rejected them years back. been scared of him since I was 15. we are both over 30 now.

because of my attachment problems he become scared of me

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soco
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How much do you know about him? Name? Residence? Parents? Where he works?
Have you ever talked to him or is it more a staring contest until the threat passes? Is how you feel just related to this one guy?

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Anonymous
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went to school with him used to be in same classes as him so spoke fairly frequently then.
think he works near where I use facilities.

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soco
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No, I would not send what you wrote to him via Facebook. That would just affirm what he may be trying to make you feel.

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what do u mean try to make me feel?

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soco
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You would be making it known you are very frightened of him when you see each other. And when you spot him I bet your eyes are laser-focused on his.

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Do you carry any protection such as pepper spray or a small revolver?

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Anonymous
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when near i look away very quick because im terrified.
I dont think he'd attack me physically

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soco
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You said he crossed the street after you had done the same. That to me is behavior of a molester. Your only options is to either confront and get closure or continue to keep away.

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Anonymous
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why a molester?
what is the best way to confront?

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soco
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Not alone! You should not say one word to him. Take someone you trust to confront him for you. He should be aware that if his odd behavior continues you will press charges.

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Original Poster
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but would it be unfair on him to send that message?
would it be wrong?

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soco
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Yes! He knows nothing of your past. It is not something that a stranger needs to be made aware of. Also, anything you send on Facebook is not secret. Enemies and friends and anyone in between can read it. And if 40 people read it there will be 40 different versions as to what happened to warrant such a post.

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Just what is it you think he would do to you? You said you didn't think he would physically attack you.

Fifteen years is a long time to be running scared of someone. If you think he is stalking you, then that is an actionable offense and you can have him arrested for that. Years ago stalking was not an offense. Someone could follow you around, and if you talked to the police, all they'd do is say, "We can't do anything until he does something." Now the situation is different.

One thing you could do is set him up. You could have either a police detective or a private detective positioned to film his stalking behavior. Then you'd have evidence that could have him arrested and charged.

As a former private detective, I would also do counter-surveillance to determine if a client was, in fact, being stalked or followed. You might consider that option. It might cost you a few hours of billing, but you'd have the goods on the guy. Or, if you can persuade your local police department to have someone watch him following you, then you could have him dealt with for free. Note, however, that most police departments are not very proactive, and only respond to crimes. They are pretty rotten at preventing crimes in the first place.

Personally, I know that I could destroy any creature that walks the earth. So I am not worried about a physical attack. I have the means, skill and mindset to repel any attack from any predator--two- or four-legged. That power is available to anyone who is serious about acquiring it.

You could acquire that power, also. But you need to do SOMETHING, because life is too short to live a decade and half in fear, with no end in sight!

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soco wrote:
You said he crossed the street after you had done the same. That to me is behavior of a molester. Your only options is to either confront and get closure or continue to keep away.

she said that HE was scared of her and crossed the road to avoid her. did I get something wrong? then, when she did the same, they started something like a game. no, he's not a molester! he's playing games with her! she said that he wanted her attention!
in my opinion, you shouldn't send him anything like that. he either likes you or doesn't know how to behave in front of you for some reason.. there's no reason to tell him not to hurt you, because I don't think that's what he wants from you..
you could ask him to tell you why he behaves this way.
(wait, is this post in relation to the other, where some woman scared a person off by thinking he was into her?)

๐•อคอญอฅฬ‡๐•–๐•ฅ๐•šใ€‚(Yeti.) edited this post .

I've been scared of someone for years and because of the illness I had feel bad for even considering contacting them.ยฌ ยฌ He used to be scared of me to the point he used to cross the road to get away from me. then I would do the same back to him. the second time I dont it to him he crossed the road and deliberately walked past me. ยฌ ยฌ I had enough of walking around to where I need to go and have to see him now and then and feel scared. ยฌ ยฌ I want this tension to end considering I got the vibe he wanted my attention.ยฌ ยฌ for over 15 years theres been this problem.ยฌ ยฌ I was considering sending this via facebook but do u think this could be a bad idea?ยฌ ยฌ "Please don't hurt me. why do u want to hurt me? Im scared you want to hurt me. I just tried to leave you alone because I thought thatโ€™s what you wanted.ยฌ Taking into consideration the illness I had, If I donโ€™t get a response I take it you donโ€™t feel comfortable round me and I will be KEEPING my distance."ยฌ ยฌ ยฌ Its in relation to this postยฌ ยฌ https://www.help-qa.com/posts/498-im-not-sure-whether-i-should-walk-past-this-guy-near-or-leave-him-lots-of-space-still

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After reading your other post which you wrote this one relates to, i wouldn't recommend you sending anything to him. If you are able to, do get that counselling help for yourself. All the best! Hope you can become free from this burden and enjoy a healthy life and love xx

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If you feel scared, can you explain to us what it is you are afraid of? Is it just the awkward tension or are afraid he will hurt you physically?

Based on reading the other post (thanks Yeti for updating the link), it sounds like he is not a danger to you. I would suggest that you don't go out of your way to avoid him but don't go out of your way to communicate with him either. Try not to read anything into eye-contact or a passing glance. People make brief eye contact sometimes and it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

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Anonymous
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You're 31. This has been going on for over 15 years - (which puts you at about 15 years of age or younger when this all began).

You have had an awkward crush on this guy since you were very young. There's nothing wrong with that.

At the same time, you have a style and a way about you that is different and very unique from other people... the problem is, people your age are too mentally busy or too lazy to figure you out.
It's a bit of a shame, really.

How often do you feel mis-read and misunderstood? Often? I'm guessing so.

The guy you are crushing on doesn't understand you. The fact is you were (and still are) too timid and shy to make your feelings clearly known to him - maybe you tried but it came out all wrong.
Now he is spooked by you because you have already done things at a young age to instill that into him and you still continue to do things to re-enforce that behavior.

You scare him and his reaction scares you - it's a cycle now....

Neither one of you have the maturity or the skills required to break that cycle.

You're 31-years-old writing in with a problem that is largely associated with adolescence. Who is it between you two that has brought this problem into adulthood?

Our inner child is going to be with us until the end of our days - but children cannot be allowed to make decisions or behave in ways above their grade of pay (so to speak). This is true about children both actual and conceptive.

Give yourself a break and find an end to this. There's more going on than meets the eye (and you know this).

Sometimes relationships and marriages do not work out.
There is no shame when it comes to being lonly. As the old saying goes, "Lonliness makes for strange bedfellows."

You've been picking over old ground because it's easier to look back than look ahead but it tends to stir up a pot.

It's time to let this go and start examining yourself. Somewhere out there, there is a guy that is right for you, but it is equally as important that you are just as right for him.
In the end, only you can set yourself straight. If you don't, then you can keep expecting to trip over your own two feet in the morning for the rest of your life.

You have choices to make.

Anonymous
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It's best not to jump to conclusions, you should seek professional advice, you still have a counsellor or therapist you can contact? Make an appointment and discuss this - they can advise you best on what to do in your situation, but don't make any decisions regarding contacting him until you seek help. I believe the answer will be to still avoid contact. Perhaps when you cross the street to avoid him, if he crosses the street towards you, cross the street again to avoid him - that will let him know that you don't want him near you - and you need to make that clear. I don't think it's a good idea to speak to him again and you should avoid making eye contact. Pretend you don't even see him - you've made it a habit to notice him, break the habit.

Most importantly, get help from your mental health professional.

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Anonymous
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Thanks I have walked passed him and ignored him. He has done nothing to me and I've left him alone.
I have booked to see a counsellor for September.

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Anonymous wrote:
Thanks I have walked passed him and ignored him. He has done nothing to me and I've left him alone.
I have booked to see a counsellor for September.

Fantastic! :) Well done xx

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Anonymous wrote:
Thanks I have walked passed him and ignored him. He has done nothing to me and I've left him alone.
I have booked to see a counsellor for September.

yay! well done!!!

A
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