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ProffVampy
last online: 05/07, 19:08
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The wave might be passing...

I think im feeling better?
Recap for those that missed it: was in a bad relationship, started to turn abusive so a drunk me did some un classy things but hes gone and thats over. It put me really far behind with my uni work and i was starting to crumble from the stress.

Well christmas wasnt great but then it never is in my opinion. my birthday was dissappointing as usual as theres nothing to do on boxing day. In general not my favourite time of year....

New years was good though! and I think i'm starting to feel better...managed to finish the biggest of my assignments and im half way through the next one. Still feeling not quite right...feel like 75% of me. Something feels numbed and dulled down and i'm not sure what. Feel like when i was on anti depressants years ago and was the reason i stopped taking them. I dont like not feeling like my full self.

Uni work is doing wonders for stimulating my mind and i always forget how much i enjoy it until im sitting there getting really deep into some kind of research.

Maybe im just not suited to being single? Its a bizzare feeling for me....first christmas in 6years or so i've been alone. Found im coping by partying more with my friends and living more intensely but i know that will burn me out eventually.

Still on waiting lists to see someone and still havent heard anything from them so i just feel in limbo...am i going to feel better on my own? will i slip back into the dark place i used to be in? Its a mystery...

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Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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How about Helpbotcide?

Oh, well!

You have found that, ultimately, it is up to you to make "you" happy.

We should never look to another person to "complete" ourselves. To complement ourselves, yes, but to make us "whole," no.

If you look to another person to make yourself complete, you are on the road to disaster.

It's also a mistake to think that any of us is an "island." We need other people. We need relationships. We need friends.

As in all things, a "balance" is what should be approached. You do not want to be a hermit, but neither do you want to seek a "rescuer" or "messiah."

Look at a relationship as to what you could bring to it, rather than what you could get out of it.

You are now living in the best of times--and the worst of times. The best of times because you are overcoming challenges, and the worst of times because you don't yet know how you fit into the cosmos. You can feel the tension between those things, can you not?

The good news: everything works out in the end! ;-)

314sftf
Nix
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I'm glad your feeling better.

Keep waiting to hear back from the waiting lists, even if you do feel better.

Maybe just enjoy being single for a while, focus on uni and dont worry about love. Maybe thats easy for me to say, I was born to be single lol.

Electric
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Nixx wrote:
I'm glad your feeling better.

Keep waiting to hear back from the waiting lists, even if you do feel better.

Maybe just enjoy being single for a while, focus on uni and dont worry about love. Maybe thats easy for me to say, I was born to be single lol.

What Nix said (and also Sherlock)

The law of nature says a relationship takes priority above most things. Therefore, if you become involved your academics takes a back seat - without fail.

You're back on top of the game because you're finally caught up with your Uni work. That's a good thing. As for the other 25%, call it the uncertainty factor. It's still okay to feel good about what you have done.
Keep your appointment, none-the-less.

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ProffVampy
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Im getting more used to being on my own and enjoying my own company. its weird though as ive never done it before and never lived alone before. Even now i have the cat with me but hes not very often good company!

I never found that my previous relationship (the long term one not the awful recent one) did take presidence over my academic work but maybe that was a bad thing? who knows.

I think i just feel a bit lost, as sherlock said im still finding my place in ths cosmos. I used to be so sure of it when everything was going smoothly for 4 years but 2017 has shaken that up and left me to find the pieces. but then i have discovered new parts of my personality, some good some bad. and had some old parts resurface too....those bits were largely. I have a both wonderful and horrible ability to suppress feelings of guilt that i should have for something i have done wrong, especially when im angry which i have been alot recently and it causes me to do and say some awful things to the people who annoy me.

I also find, studying clinical psychology, that i over analyse myself, and then try and ignore it because i know im being too harsh with it but i also know i should listen more because theres a reason im doing it and part of my reason is right. I knew i shoulnt have rebounded to my last relationship because i was only attracted to him because he was the opposite of my long term ex. Didnt mean he was good for me, didnt mean it would be better and i knew that but i chose to ignore it... suppose it was a learning experience but i couldve done without the stress

Electric
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I think the ability to analyze ones self is never entirely objective one way or the other. We may conclude things based on our emotions which do fluctuate.
A drunk guy at a bar was sullen and quiet. He drank on. After a while he began talking about all the injustices that were done to him from his woman - but he lacked character.
He finally said those famous words -
"I'm a good guy," to which I responded, " No you're not." Surprised, he looked at Me and said, "What makes you think that?"
I said, "Because, you're the one saying it."

And it works like that in so many different ways - we love ourselves, we hate ourselves and everything in between. Our self-judgement is usually biased.
Not to say we can't be reasonable with ourselves though.

314sftf
Nix
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Absolutely Al, one thing I covered with my therapist last week was evidence for the self criticism. And often its hard to find factual evidence and not opinion.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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We "overthink" most things.

The bottom line on relationships: "Does this person make me feel better about myself and the world, or does he/she have the opposite effect on me?"

Or: "Does this person build me up or tear me down?"

I have noted that for guys, control is a great issue. Most of them like to be in control.

Example: I was professor of military science at a large university. We had females in the ROTC program. Two or three times a year, a female cadet would come to me and say that she wanted out of the program "because my boyfriend doesn't want me to be in the Army."

"OK," I would say. "Is this boyfriend ever going to be anything but a boyfriend? Has he given you an engagement ring?" No, I was told, the boyfriend had not said or done anything to take the relationship to the next level.

I laid out my reasons why the girl should stay. In about 100% of the cases, the girl left the ROTC program at her boyfriend's insistence.

And, in about 100% of the cases, the boyfriend dropped the girlfriend like a hot potato.

BUT, you see, he wanted to see if he had that much power over her--to get her to make a life decision without making any commitment to her whatsoever.

About 50% of the girls wanted back in--but no could do. The other half just moped around.

In one case, a male and female cadet married after receiving their officer's commissions. The guy kept hounding his wife to resign her commission.

Finally, she did.

A few months later he left her. She tried to get back in--but it was too late.

Once the guys found out that they could control the girl, they no longer wanted her.

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soco
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How about trying a blunt? Just to take a little of the edge off the anxiety without fear of addiction

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

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ProffVampy
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soco wrote:
How about trying a blunt? Just to take a little of the edge off the anxiety without fear of addiction

hahaha my lovely you have no idea xD I don't tell you guys all my secrets ;)

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ProffVampy
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I know i am awful for over thinking things. especially when i am on my own. Its something i am having to get better at not doing now i live on my own!

And i would never stop doing something i wanted to do for a guy. Was one of the issues with my last long term issue. We wanted very different things and of course there is compromise but when just one side is making effort, changing, not doing what they want then yes its dangerous. i'm far too strong minded for things like that! Though, i do wonder whether if i get married and then got my doctorate how they would feel about that if they didnt have one...i'll cross that bridge when i get there!

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PepperJ
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I'm an overthinker, too. It sucks. Over a lifetime, it has made me too "serious" for my own good and it's sometimes hard to enjoy life. So....get over the over thinking and enjoy life :) Just don't enjoy it with a guy. Learn to enjoy it on your own :) :) Focus on uni and living your fullest life right now, and you will be so much stronger in the long run....and by being stronger, more sure of yourself, and more adept at this thing called life...you will find the RIGHT Mr. Right. The one who is getting strong right now in his own life for HIS future Ms. Right.

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PepperJ
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BTW, when is your bday? Mine is Dec 21 and it really is awful having a bday during "the holidays." Now that I'm an oldie, I'm fine with having most people forget about it...because I'm at that point where I'd just as soon forget bdays, too....

When I was a kid, my mom would be so pissed off on my bday...she had cooking, cleaning, buying and wrapping to do and she was ultra stressed....and would have me help her while she was stressing out. She glossed over the bday, as did other fam and friends. Plus...I just love summer so much more than winter :)

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soco
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Happy birthday PepperJ.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

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ProffVampy
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Mines on Boxing day, 26th dec. So litterally nothings open apart from for shopping but fighting through crowds in town isnt my idea of a fun birthday xD i ended up going to the cinema with one friend and a different one came over in the evening for some drinks. but i was full with a cold this year and my face hurt from swollen sinuses which was just lovely :/ I usually just blank most of the holiday season til New Years, my family is never about and its always dissappointing. I cant wait for the day that im incharge of christmas and i cook everyone dinner and host it :')

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soco
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Happy birthday to you also ProffVampy.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

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ProffVampy
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thanks soco :) 23 is a dull age...dont think its a mile stone for anything xD just a year further into adulting :/

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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Happy Birthday, ProffVampy and Pepper!

Confucius said, "Never complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many!"

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ProffVampy
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danke sherlock :)

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PepperJ
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ProffVampy wrote:
Mines on Boxing day, 26th dec. So litterally nothings open apart from for shopping but fighting through crowds in town isnt my idea of a fun birthday xD i ended up going to the cinema with one friend and a different one came over in the evening for some drinks. but i was full with a cold this year and my face hurt from swollen sinuses which was just lovely :/ I usually just blank most of the holiday season til New Years, my family is never about and its always dissappointing. I cant wait for the day that im incharge of christmas and i cook everyone dinner and host it :')

Happy Bday!!

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PepperJ
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soco wrote:
Happy birthday PepperJ.

Sherlock wrote:
Happy Birthday, ProffVampy and Pepper!

Confucius said, "Never complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many!"

Thank you, Soco

Thank you, Sherlock....and I agree. I would rather be old than.... not. :)

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Max
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PepperJ wrote:

soco wrote:
Happy birthday PepperJ.

Sherlock wrote:
Happy Birthday, ProffVampy and Pepper!

Confucius said, "Never complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many!"

Thank you, Soco

Thank you, Sherlock....and I agree. I would rather be old than.... not. :)

:)

Electric
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Ladies, my reverences for your delivery days.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
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Paddle your ***ass off and ride that wave! You think it's going to ride itself? Go Vampy go vampy go!

Help me with:

I need help.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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And, Vampy--don't spit out your gum on the sidewalk when you're in Singapore!

314sftf
Nix
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Sherlock wrote:
And, Vampy--don't spit out your gum on the sidewalk when you're in Singapore!

or ever! yuck!

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ProffVampy
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DocteurRalph wrote:
Paddle your ***ass off and ride that wave! You think it's going to ride itself? Go Vampy go vampy go!

Thanks Ralph :) Im getting there but my arms ache!

Nixx wrote:

Sherlock wrote:
And, Vampy--don't spit out your gum on the sidewalk when you're in Singapore!

or ever! yuck!

haha i know! Ive been before its great :) but no gum...and drug trafficking is still punishable by death!

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