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755 replies, Replies 181 to 190

My sister-in-law passed away early this morning.

My sincerest condolences. I always wish I had magic words for comforting the survivors, but I know that I don't. Your wife is very fortunate to have you standing by her side at this time.

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A summers walk in the north of England.

Very nice!

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Gratefulness is helpful, so I am grateful for it.

To have someone who loves me and who cares if I live or die!

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Iโ€™m scared.

Restraining orders, of course, are just a piece of paper. Lots of women have died by the hand of an abusive boyfriend or spouse who had a restraining order against him. Of course, there are some men who have had to take out restraining orders against women!

If you had to walk down a path through the forest, and you knew there were bears about, what would you do? I know that I, as a minimum, would get some bear spray!

One thing I became convinced of early in life was that I am responsible for my own safety and security. Police arrive after the crime has been committed to do the cleanup work. Sometimes the victims did not survive.

There are, however, "equalizers" available, and I would direct your attention to those. They are not, of course, for everybody. They require training and commitment.

There are other things you can do, of course. First, make doggoned sure that some "well-meaning" friend doesn't give your location away. Abusers are skilled manipulators, and quite adept at wheedling information out of friends, and especially out of acquaintances. Secondly, keep a low profile. Don't advertise on social media where you live or work, or where you are going on vacation. Some burglars have used Facebook to find out when intended victims were not going to be home.

Third, develop some "sixth sense" skills. While I was working as a private detective, I trailed a lot of people. I also developed a sense of knowing when someone might be trailing me.

Fourth, there are undoubtedly some "busybodies" where you live. Just let them know that you have been stalked by an abusive ex, and ask them to let you know and/or call the police if they see something that looks out of place, like a car parked for a long time with someone sitting in it (I always notified the police when I did a stakeout--it saves you a LOT of hassle!).

Fifth, have a "safe room" and an escape plan. Your "safe room" should have a deadbolt lock on it. It can be your bedroom or even your bathroom. You should also have an exit planned--make doggone sure that if you have to go out the back door, you are not trapped by a high fence. You must plan to always have your cell phone by your side--not in the bottom of a junk-filled purse!

I am a great believer in pepper spray. It will disable an attacker long enough for you to get away. Some even contain a dye, so it's easy to spot the stalker after you've run away.

Self-defense training is also recommended. You have to be ruthless when someone is attacking you--there are no "fair fights" when it comes to saving life and limb.

You can go from the little bunny rabbit that skips down the path through the woods to someone that the bears will strictly avoid!

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Would you be hurt by this?

You could say, "So, I heard you were in a show . . . I heard people here talking about it. How did it go?"

That lets him know that you knew about the show, and also points out that you were not invited.

Of course, maybe anyone could have gone without an invitation. This way, however, you can feel him out!

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Iโ€™m scared.

Empower yourself. Take self-defense classes. Where weapons are legal, learn to use one. You aren't going to be looking for trouble, you just want to be prepared if it finds you.

A life lived in fear isn't worth living. Meet your fears head-on!

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Would you be hurt by this?

Factor it all out. You go there to work and not socialize. Any kind of "romantic" thing at work almost always ends badly. Just work--get your paycheck and enjoy yourself!

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life sucks.

You have to stop believing that you cannot change things. SURE, the upper 1% wants to keep you on the rails they have laid down and never let you get ahead, but you can jump the track and do your own thing! You might have to work a job for a while, but you can start your own business or even run for political office! Junk thoughts tell us we cannot change anything and have to remain in a rut, and, YES, there are people who want to keep you in that rut so they can exploit you. But you CAN escape and control your own destiny. Do what you can and pray about the rest.

And be determined that the SOBs are not going to win!

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I cant decide whether to buy a caravan or rent a room to get away from my abusive brother.

You are living in a toxic environment. Your brother is mentally ill. While I have sympathy for the mentally ill, their illness doesn't give them the right to harm other people. Your mother is, indeed, an enabler. He couldn't pull it off without her. Your choices are:

1. Get everyone in family counseling.
2. Move out.
3. Write to Hillary Clinton and tell her that your brother has some big-time dirt on her. She'll take care of the rest.

Your police are worthless like so many in the US. If your brother puts you in the hospital, they would go "Tut! Tut!" to themselves and eat four more doughnuts.

I recommend moving out. You have two people in your household who are a sandwich short of a picnic. If you stay, you will eventually end up as crazy as they are. There must be some kind of agency in your area that can help. In the meantime--yes, record his tirades. Put them on an SD disk and keep it well hidden. I think that, next to moving out, your best bet is to have him charged with making terroristic threats. THAT is actionable, and he'd end up in jail. Of course, your dear mum would bail out his sorry behind, and then he'd probably try to kill you before the court date--unless, of course, you got a restraining order against him--and that would keep his sorry behind from coming back to your house!

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Sorry I've been quiet...

You have to convince yourself that you DESERVE good things in life! When we have a voice inside our head telling us that we don't--that's depression! Kick those thoughts out of your mind!

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