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755 replies, Replies 161 to 170

I've been scared of someone for years and because of the illness I had feel bad for even considering contacting them.

Just what is it you think he would do to you? You said you didn't think he would physically attack you.

Fifteen years is a long time to be running scared of someone. If you think he is stalking you, then that is an actionable offense and you can have him arrested for that. Years ago stalking was not an offense. Someone could follow you around, and if you talked to the police, all they'd do is say, "We can't do anything until he does something." Now the situation is different.

One thing you could do is set him up. You could have either a police detective or a private detective positioned to film his stalking behavior. Then you'd have evidence that could have him arrested and charged.

As a former private detective, I would also do counter-surveillance to determine if a client was, in fact, being stalked or followed. You might consider that option. It might cost you a few hours of billing, but you'd have the goods on the guy. Or, if you can persuade your local police department to have someone watch him following you, then you could have him dealt with for free. Note, however, that most police departments are not very proactive, and only respond to crimes. They are pretty rotten at preventing crimes in the first place.

Personally, I know that I could destroy any creature that walks the earth. So I am not worried about a physical attack. I have the means, skill and mindset to repel any attack from any predator--two- or four-legged. That power is available to anyone who is serious about acquiring it.

You could acquire that power, also. But you need to do SOMETHING, because life is too short to live a decade and half in fear, with no end in sight!

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Domestic violence and abuse..

My advice is to never hit anyone unless it is pure, physical, self-defense. And if you have to hit someone to defend yourself, you are in a very toxic relationship.

There are plenty of decent men out there. I am reminded of one young woman I know who seemed to go out of her way to date the worst men in the city. In fact, she wouldn't date anyone unless he was an "underdog," i.e., a member of a minority group, fat, poor, persecuted in some way, a rejected by his family, etc., etc. She wasted about five years of her life on guys with whom there was no future. Now she finally has a decent boyfriend who treats her like a lady.

Are you, dear Mya, someone who seeks out underdogs out of some misplaced sense of guilt?

Dating and relationships should be totally separate from social work. You should be looking for someone who will be a reliable, trustworthy partner--and who will treat you and your daughter right.

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I got Married year before.

Not wanting to celebrate an anniversary will have terrible consequences for you!

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My sister is crazy.

Untenable situation. Get out and let her do as she wishes. She has an agenda you do not know about.

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Would you be hurt by this?

You need to find out the deal. Inquire discreetly. Otherwise it will eat at you.

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My sister is crazy.

Just because she is your sister does not mean she is your friend, or even that she is a decent human being. She's neither.

I recommend that you get your things and go back home. There are undercurrents here of which you are not aware. She wants you out so she can do things she doesn't want the family to know about.

Can you think of anything you said or did that would make her "best friend" feel uncomfortable?

I feel sorry for anyone who marries your sister. She believes that the way to solve problems is to exhibit extreme degrees of anger and resentment. Those behaviors do not solve problems, but only exacerbate them.

In your situation, I would simply move out and let her worry about paying the rent. She probably has plans for her girl friend to do that, anyway. I pity the girl friend. It will be only a matter of time before your sister hates her and starts giving her the "anger and resentment" treatment!

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What happens after a death (practical not spiritual).

Jebus-Zeus wrote:
they feed all unclaimed dead bodies to the homeless

See "Soylent Green" with Charlton Heston. It was a great movie and very sobering!

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Using a financial calculator.

You can try this:

https://bizfluent.com/how-2049322-use-financial...

All calculators will be slightly different. In my MBA program, I used a Texas Instruments "MBA" model. It was great!

Good luck!

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What happens after a death (practical not spiritual).

No will, no money, no estate, no funds, no valuables, no relatives or friends willing to pony up funeral expenses--then the deceased is headed for a pauper's grave or cremation or medical school lab.

If the deceased owed money, it will be written off as a bad debt. If the deceased had an estate, a claim could be made against the estate, or even a lawsuit filed against the estate.

A Texas woman once had a boyfriend who was suicidal. She had invited him over to her apartment for dinner. He had sat down at the candlelight dinner, but excused himself and said he had to get something from the kitchen. When he didn't come back, she went into the kitchen and found him slumped on the floor, with his throat cut from ear to ear. Blood was everywhere. He had gotten one of her kitchen knives and used it to commit suicide. It was a despicable act, and she sued his estate for "intentional infliction of mental distress" and won.

I tell that story to illustrate that even the dead can be sued!

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I can't tell the difference between good intentions and manipulation anymore.

Then there are people who have good intentions when they set about to manipulate you!

As Docteur Ralph said, most people are out to use you. When you go to work, you are being used by your employer. Many of us are used by a spouse. A lot of us have been used by charities, and churches and other organizations.

But we have more power than we think. We can prevent ourselves from being totally exploited. We can quit bringing work home and staying late with no extra pay; we can refuse to support charities that simply line the pockets of their founders; we can say no to anything or anybody that just wants to use us. We can let our spouses know that certain things upset us and we can draw boundaries that are not to be crossed.

If you do a personal and totally honest self-assessment, and you find that you are doing a lot more things for others than they are doing for you--then you are probably being used.

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