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Would you be hurt by this?

If so, what would you do? I’ve been at my job for a couple of months now. I’m part time. Well, some of the people I know a little better than others. My favorite person in particular to work with is this guy. He’s in a band and the other night he had a show. I found out that day that he invited everyone in our department but me. And I’m not gonna lie I’m a bit hurt and a little embarrassed. The only reason why I found out about it is because the day of, another person who was invited mentioned the place and I asked what was that and he acted like he didn’t want to say. Then a supervisor walked out and asked who all was coming and of course, I was the only one not invited. And I haven’t said anything and played it off like it was fine but it’s not. Over the past couple of months I have helped him out a lot. So I’m kinda upset that he did this. He has tried to talk to me a couple different times since then and I’ll respond. But not how I used to. I kinda feel like I am done with him. Am I wrong to be upset about this? And what would you do? Would you say something or just let it go and find other work friends?

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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work, couple, kinda, upset, invited
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music=life
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That sucks! It’s hard being the new person and he probably didn’t mean to be a dick. They probably are all friends since they’ve worked together for a while. Since you’re still new he probably felt awkward inviting you.

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Rockster160
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Maybe he was embarrassed and didn’t want to come on too strong? I’ve been in a similar situation (being the guy) and I can definitely say there have been times where a lack of invitation was me not wanting to feel too out there.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
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Factor it all out. You go there to work and not socialize. Any kind of "romantic" thing at work almost always ends badly. Just work--get your paycheck and enjoy yourself!

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Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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Sherlock wrote:
Factor it all out. You go there to work and not socialize. Any kind of "romantic" thing at work almost always ends badly. Just work--get your paycheck and enjoy yourself!

It would hurt my feeling too. Good news is you will always know they showed their cards revealing their true character. Happens all the time with people and bad manners. Work hard to find a different circle to hang or have hobbies with:)

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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I would be also offended at this. However, as Rockster160 wrote, maybe the guy did not intend to offend you.

If you avoid him, and he did not want to exclude you, i presume he would come asking you what the matter is, and perhaps offer an explanation and an apology.

If he doesn't come to reconnect, it still might not mean that you have been singled out to be excluded. But stay more distant and cautios, but not hostile.

Hope it will get all sorted and you can carry on enjoying your new job. All the best.

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Evansent
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That kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. You are right be feel offended and upset.
The fact that he invited the whole department and excluded you is downright cruel.
You will be bothered by this for a long time so your better telling him exactly how this has made you feel. The guy might actually have a valid explanation for you.

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Nix
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Yes I would be offended and hurt

Billy mills
Lawn
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That sucks. It is hard if you are part-time and other people are there full-time, because you miss out on stuff.

Maybe he didn't actually invite people. Since it is a show, anyone can go. He probably mentioned to some that he was having a show. Then the supervisor asked who all was going to the show to make sure everyone knew about it.

You should just go to the show anyway. If you want to say something, just say, "Hey... I didn't know you were having a show? Mind if I come too?" Hopefully he will say, "Sure! Sorry, I thought XYZ person told everyone about it...."

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Billy mills
Lawn
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Oh wait, the show already happened? I would be upset about that but it still sounds like it could have been miscommunication rather than him intentionally excluding you (which would be a dick move).

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Anonymous
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It sounds like they're shunning you and that is just plain rude!

Of course you should feel hurt by it. It's a very mean thing they're doing.

Best advice I can give you is to find out if it's true, if you feel it's true, report any policy violations to management, and if they are part of that group go to their bosses or their bosses bosses. This is likely workplace harassment. Anybody correct me if I'm wrong?


I also agree with Sherlock up there, it's work not a party. But no need for people to be mean. They shouldn't be making things personal either. It's called "Professionalism"

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Anonymous
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Thanks to everyone who has responded. This has made me feel so much better and not so alone in this. I really appreciate it. Me and him are working together today. He was trying to talk to me earlier and make me laugh but I’m just really not in the mood for him. I’m trying to be professional and nice but it’s really hard to do. I don’t want it to be awkward but I feel like it already is. And the way he’s been acting today, I think he knows I’m upset about something.

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Evansent
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I can understand your reluctance, however your doing yourself no favours in keeping your feelings to yourself. He needs to know he’s done you wrong so you can both get back on an even keel.

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Jebus-Zeus
last online: 10/09, 19:48
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maybe he just doesnt know you good enough yet

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
last online: 10/23, 23:49
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I don't think it was something he did to be mean or exclude you. You are new, and he probably doesn't know you as well as everyone else. Heck maybe he likes you and is just shy to speak to you or is embarrassed to talk to you. I find it easier to talk to people I'm not attracted to... so yeah it could be anything. If it bothers you this much I would directly confront him and ask him why you weren't invited. That's the only way to find out for sure.

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Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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You could say, "So, I heard you were in a show . . . I heard people here talking about it. How did it go?"

That lets him know that you knew about the show, and also points out that you were not invited.

Of course, maybe anyone could have gone without an invitation. This way, however, you can feel him out!

Electric
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Sherlock wrote:
You could say, "So, I heard you were in a show . . . I heard people here talking about it. How did it go?"

That lets him know that you knew about the show, and also points out that you were not invited.

Of course, maybe anyone could have gone without an invitation. This way, however, you can feel him out!

👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
My SAME exact thoughts
as Sherlock says.....

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
soco
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I don't think you were shunned on purpose. I would chalk this up to an honest faux pas. He perhaps thought everyone knew about it, including you. It was not up to others in your department to invite you so don't hold their silence against them. It was just a normal day that you can't revisit. Why let the past cast a shadow on your future. Let it go and move on. He has forgotten all about it. So should you.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

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beautycomesfromwithin
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I would be upset. I will listen to what he says and make my decision from the answer he has given me. Be weary of him and keep conversation short and simple. 🙂

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
DocteurRalph
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So did you ever talk to him?

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I need help.

Anonymous
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No. I’ve had a few days off and he’s on vacation. We both go back this week. I think I might mention it just to see what he says.

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soco
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Make sure you word what you say so as not to attack or accuse him of doing something wrong. I still believe he was under the suspicion you already knew.

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We have another hurricane coming this way.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
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You need to find out the deal. Inquire discreetly. Otherwise it will eat at you.

A
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