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music=life
last online: 03/02, 13:45
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It’s been a long time but it’s nice to see that some people came back.

I guess I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 14 when I first came on the site and it’s gotten worse with age. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist for about two years and I still feel miserable. I wrote my first suicide letter 14 having write one since. But it’s getting harder and harder not to think about killing myself every hour of every day. All my friends are leaving me because of my depression they say they can’t handle it even though I try and hide it really hurts that they’re not there for me. I just wish I had that person that you could go to for anything

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Since writing this post music=life may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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Replies (20)
Helpbot
(0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and confidential assistance. While other Helpers are likely to reply to your post, please make sure you understand that your use of Help-QA.com falls under or TOS.

Note: I'm a robot that the Help-QA creators programmed. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.

Happy earth
(51 minutes after post)
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Hang in there. You can get through this.

Roccoflip
(1 hour after post)
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We, as a community, can be the ones you can come to for anything and everything. People here are happy to lend a listening ear or give some advice or share their own experiences.

You're in a place run off of love, and people are here for you. 😊

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(2 hours after post)
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Two ears.
No waiting.

Still doin stuff for starbyface
(2 hours after post)
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Hey, we're rooting for you. And I don't mean to do too much advertising, but I just joined something called 7cups and I think it's doing me some good (giving and getting support).

On the one hand, friends should be more friends than counselors. There needs to be positive to balance out the negative or they'll be conditioned to associate you with a glum feeling. On the other hand, you shouldn't have to bottle it up. That can be so harmful, like too much acid in the stomach building up and burning your esophagus. A therapist helps, trust me. The right therapist, one who knows what they're doing. You deserve that much.

In the meantime, or if you can't afford a therapist,

soco wrote:
Two ears.
No waiting.

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(13 hours after post)
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I'm sorry about your depression. When I was really young I felt like I didn't fit in and I thought about killing myself too. My dad had a pistol and I even got the thing out and looked at it a few times. Everything was just too much to handle and I cried a lot and was just generally miserable.

But you know things do change. Your life can get better. It can get a lot better. I've found that having a lot of friends is basically bullshit too. Most people don't really care about others, they just want something from you. Then you find yourself spending your time doing favors and lending money and going out of your way to be nice to people that wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire.. Okay maybe most people aren't that bad, but a lot of them are.

I kind of got out of my depression by getting involved in things I could do myself. I used to draw a lot, I would draw pictures of cars and buildings, and sometimes I drew pictures of naked women. I had a lot of fun doing that.. lol. I got a guitar and played that for hours a day. You can really immerse yourself in an instrument, and when you make nice sounds it gives you a warm feeling inside too. Plus banging on a guitar is a great way to let out aggression. I got two jobs and saved money and bought a motorcycle. Then I took long long long rides on that motorcycle and really had a lot of fun doing that.

But I know everyone likes to have other people around, and having someone you can talk to is important. Even though we're just a computer screen there are people here that care about each other. There are people here that care about you too.

There was something my mom told me when I was a kid and unhappy a lot. She said if you smile instead of frown you will feel better. It works. In fact they are just now getting proof of this because of botox injections. People who have this treatment can't move their face enough to frown and they have discovered that suddenly they are much happier simply because of their facial expressions...

So yeah start smiling more and come here and talk to us. You can come to us for anything, and we won't even try to borrow any money. Well, maybe not.

Orchid 2
(23 hours after post)
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Feeling good is all about where you direct your attention. It has nothing to do having friends. As the Doc said, friends are really over-rated.
Friends can be very unreliable and often unhelpful especially when there is no direct benefit to them.... That's just life. Everyone is fighting their own battle.... and they will seek people who uplift them not depress them.

Focus on creating your own happiness and empower yourself to cope without needing others. Invest your time and attention on things and activities that you love and know get you excited and inspired.
Also, there is a wealth of online information and videos that will teach you how to get stronger both mentally and emotionally.
You don't need friends for any of that.
When you create your own special life, you remain in control and no one can ever mess with you. Having friends is no longer a need but a bonus.

Last but not least, Be easy on yourself. You have come a long way. Look back and you will see you really are doing great, just keep going.
Things will get better.

Help me with:

I was told that

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(2 days after post)
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Oh, hello, music=life! So sorry about your struggles with depression. I have battled a few of those over the years, and as others had written, it does get better; do keep hope, even though it might be the hardest thing to do when you are depressed and all seems so dark and gloomy and hopeless..

Different things work for different people to overcome the depression. You write you would wish to have those kind of friends you could go to for anything. Wouldn't that be nice? I, personally, can't even imagine that; never had a person like that in my life. But I do hope that you will find us here quite helpful and uplifting.

I am not an expert on depression, but dealt with it a lot. I am also a member of a mental health forum. When you feel comfortable, you can give me a shout, and we can talk more; or feel free to write a post, there are quite a few folks on here who are mental health warriors.

Btw, your username would suggest that you find music quite inspiring and uplifting. Does it help you with your depression? What kind of music do you like?

Welcome back and all the best xx

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
(5 days after post)
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Thanks for all the advice guys. I still feel self destructive, like I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to go off my medication but I just want to stop no doctors telling me how to do it or how much to take. I know it’s a bad idea yet I’m still doing it

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(5 days after post)
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We are all still here if you want us. We can't make you do anything you've already set your mind to do.
Just wish you wouldn't.

Still doin stuff for starbyface
(5 days after post)
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I saw my therapist this Monday, mentioned my long-lasting anxiety mindset of "it's okay for everyone else to do this thing, but not me," like I am the exception and if I do the thing, I'll be doing it the wrong way and get in trouble. She asked me, "What makes you the exception?" I didn't know why, but the odds always seem to be against me. So she asked me to think of instances where I'm a positive exception. I was able to think of how I'm really good at writing fanfic in character.

What about you? Why are you the exception where you personally don't deserve to be happy? Or rather... can you think of positive exceptions about you? You like music and you're into marketing, so you must be kinda creative.

Also, careful with just going off your medication. I know you've been dealing with this stuff for years and know what you're talking about with depression and medication; it's just that I've heard some horror stories re: my sister.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
(5 days after post)
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I just feel like everyone deserves to be happy more than I do. So instead of trying to make myself happy I put my focus on helping others

Still doin stuff for starbyface
(5 days after post)
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I hear you. Posting a bunch of encouragement on an anxiety forum helped me into a good mood after a panic attack/good cry a few hours ago. It's amazing what you'll say to a good friend (or a stranger you treat like a good friend) but you would never think to say to yourself.

1581744157174 1581744149313 miss bot
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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(6 days after post)
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CarolineFCY wrote:
I hear you. Posting a bunch of encouragement on an anxiety forum helped me into a good mood after a panic attack/good cry a few hours ago. It's amazing what you'll say to a good friend (or a stranger you treat like a good friend) but you would never think to say to yourself.

You nailed it Caroline. That is precisely why HELP was created so many years ago. Friends helping friends or friend's of friends even though each is a total stranger.

Well done our good and faithful servant!

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(6 days after post)
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Hi music=life, how are you feeling today? Hope it is better.

music=life wrote:
I just feel like everyone deserves to be happy more than I do. So instead of trying to make myself happy I put my focus on helping others

I am sure you realise that it is the depression which makes you feel like this. It is hard to stop listening to it, but not impossible. I keep reminding myself that they are just lies of the illness - why wouldn't I deserve to be happy? If that would help you, you can make a list with two collumns - write on one side how the depression makes you feel, and on the other side what is the truth. And when you feel depression symptoms you can remind yourself of the truth.

I have an anger management issue, I feel like I could just murder some people from my past who badly hurt me. But I know it is 'just' a symptom of my illness, so I manage to restrain myself from acting upon those feelings - just an example. Doesn't mean it is easy to do. I do hope that you will find a good way of copying and overcoming the depression, and a support which you might need.

What treatments have you tried so far? Are you still taking the medication? xx

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
(1 week after post)
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Mya wrote:

Hi music=life, how are you feeling today? Hope it is better.

music=life wrote:
I just feel like everyone deserves to be happy more than I do. So instead of trying to make myself happy I put my focus on helping others

I am sure you realise that it is the depression which makes you feel like this. It is hard to stop listening to it, but not impossible. I keep reminding myself that they are just lies of the illness - why wouldn't I deserve to be happy? If that would help you, you can make a list with two collumns - write on one side how the depression makes you feel, and on the other side what is the truth. And when you feel depression symptoms you can remind yourself of the truth.

I have an anger management issue, I feel like I could just murder some people from my past who badly hurt me. But I know it is 'just' a symptom of my illness, so I manage to restrain myself from acting upon those feelings - just an example. Doesn't mean it is easy to do. I do hope that you will find a good way of copying and overcoming the depression, and a support which you might need.

What treatments have you tried so far? Are you still taking the medication? xx

ive gone cold turkey fro my cymbalta and clonazapam I just want to be okay but now I just want to die more and more every second

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(2 weeks after post)
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music=life wrote:
ive gone cold turkey fro my cymbalta and clonazapam I just want to be okay but now I just want to die more and more every second

Oh, I am so sorry about that! But it might be the result of you going cold turkey. As far as I know, medication should be decreased gradually and under the supervision of a doctor.

Hope you are feeling better and found a new way to manage your illness and medications. I am sorry for late reply - dealing with some serious issues and didn't have time to look here. xx

Dr. ralph club zps9ornptsl
(2 weeks after post)
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Yeah you should never quit benzodiazepines cold turkey. Besides crapping your pants and not sleeping it causes serious mood swings and you lay in bed thinking weird thoughts... or at least I do. You should taper off of them slowly. Just take a half a pill or so at least before you go to bed or in the morning. Coming off of them fast is a really bad idea.

43ca60d0 2fa2 42fe b234 d2ff6891f6dc
(2 weeks after post)
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It’s been three weeks and The withdrawal symptoms have lessened. I know I shouldn’t be doing this cold turkey but I’m stubborn and this is how I’m doing it. My moms been helping me a lot and my foster dog is acting as a good emotional support dog. Overall I think things are looking up. Thanks all for being there for me

Bejbybird
Mya
last online: 08/21, 7:48
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(4 weeks after post)
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Oh, hi, that's great reading about your positive progress! So pleased for you, and may it continue. I like your dog! :)

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