theres no story if its not told. i try to remind myself that everywhere i go.

Sometimes all you need is to let it out/rant. Sometimes the person themselves isn’t important. What’s important Is that you just talk.

I personally don’t have much to input with many topics, but I’ll generally read them at the very least.

Your presence is appreciated- always. And should you feel like elaborating, I can promise that it will be read. I can’t promise a turn key perfect solution, but I can promise an ear. And I can offer a perspective. That’s what we’re here for. 😊

I have come back to this post several times over the past day since you wrote it, hoping for some divine inspiration for some sage wisdom to impart on you. I can’t think of anything brilliant to say here.

Get out of your own head is the best I’ve got. Get all the way the eff out of your own head. Are you busy now? Whenever I’m analyzing life and the meaning of it all and why the h I’m even here... it’s because I’m overthinking.

The only thing that helps, especially when I’m feeling particularly down, lonely, or anxious, is to get ridiculously busy to the point of exhaustion. But that’s probably not healthy, idk, but it helps.

I hope you find the answers you’ve been looking for.

I was gathering up my advice only to find you deleted the reasons I needed for packing it....
....Sooo, given what is left, I would say kick the booze, get healthy, revise some of your outlook and go on an adventure.

Try to find some happiness.

I’m assuming you have seen someone given that you have been on medication in the past?

Legion. What do you want? Like, seriously, your life right now - what do you see yourself doing/where do you see yourself being that would be considered “ideal”? Can you envision any kind of situation or circumstance that would make you happy?

One thing is certian, life sucks when you're in physical pain (I too can attest to this).
What more can be done to medically narrow out the physical forms of pain you have?
Surely, where things are at can't be where it will stay...

You remind me of myself on really really bad nights. Also, I would like to say that some people (not that you're necessarily included with them) may not have the proper resources to try different medications until finding something that works well with their individual body-chemistry.

During the times where you're looking around, racking your brain of who you can actually reach out to and only ending up with classical literature characters... Writing down how you feel (or typing/drawing if you're too drunk). Don't text people your thoughts or post on social media.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I drink to a drunken stupor most nights unless I'm so tired from work/the day that I can almost immediatly pass-out. Perhaps, when this happens, you might be able to distract yourself long enough to fall asleep, and if/when someone is available, sharing your illustrated thought can still benefit you. If you truly have no one you can think of, just re-reading your writing from your sober point-of-view.

Alcohol has never made time, I would rather make disappear,grow shorter. It just makes life ,in my experience, slow embarrassingly. I don't remember the month of mid-Feb - March due to turmoil, scrubbed away by neuropathiside.

i dont want to come off as a jest, but i used to deal with that sort of thing in my younger years and i would beat myself up over it trying striving to make sense of why, oh why am i going thru this pain! and in a million ways as i would go about on a quest for help ( this was before help.com ). Nobody understood me.

So i got all worked up and preachy about what is the source of our pain that lies before us.. our chemical make up, our driven wills, how it is what we all need in our life an effort to display pure joy within/ among eachother.. but no..

at the time.. in my college days.. nobody cared. they just boozed, screwed, schemed full on debauchery onward with the masses of degenerates.

so. yea at times when it gets down right gloomy and dark with the abyss staring back at you. its only until you lighten up, turn around your insights. nothing turns your mind around when you find a comedian somewhere that you can truly look up to/ follow.. i always loved jerry seinfeild.. he's a smuck .. but not like bill maher smucky lol

at the same time, i cant speak for like serious actual medical pain. my pain always been sorta a mental/heartbroken one. hope this helps in a way.

I used to be on this site and I left feeling like the one place I felt safe wasn’t safe anymore. I understand what you mean by your “must dos”. I call them my “should dos”. Every day tell ourselves we should wake up, we should go to work, we shouldn’t cut ourselves, we shouldn’t think about jumping into traffic, we should call our family. I think the only reason I’m alive to is because I know my family couldn’t handle it. I understand that you’ve tried everything and that nothing has worked. The medication, the meditation, the exercise, the therapy. You’ve done everything you should have done to make yourself feel better and it hasn’t worked. I don’t have any life-changing advice yet because I haven’t figured it out myself. But you’re not alone

B vitamins will help. Get B-50 or B-100 at the drug store. They won't make you feel good, they just make you feel normal. And they stop the suicidal thoughts.

No one is perfect. Life itself is not perfect. Allow yourself room to make mistakes. Because you have, and you still will.
Where is that meme...? "It's not about how many times you fall down, but about how many times you get back up."
And when you do get back up, reach back and bring someone else with you.

You need a new doctor/therapist, as the ones you've had were incompetent.

You also need to develop a passion about SOMETHING--art, cars, nature, astronomy, archaeology--whatever.

And you need to get out of the house.

First step--Starbuck's green tea latte, large size. And a cheese Danish.

You will feel better--I guarantee it!

If you haven't read it, the article following "Help me with: " at the bottom of Sherlock's post (right above ^), you may find it insightful for yourself or someone close to you.

Legion, I can't imagine your suffering but it has touched me deeply. Im in a similar psychological state and yes over a decade now. I don't have much to say but to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
I leave you with a hug and trust you will find the inner strength to keep going on.
(Please forgive me for going anonymous)

Sorry you're not doing well. I don't understand your problems enough to give you any advice but try to find a little bit of happiness in every day. Sure most of life is ****shit but every once in a while you can steal some time for yourself and sit back and enjoy it. I can't tell you to do what I do because it would probably be illegal or immoral where you live but whatever you need to do to put a smile on your face I'm all for it.

Maybe it is time to talk to a pastor or priest.

a muse then?

Change the self-defeating voice in your head to one that never, ever, ever abandons or judges you.

You choose the way you speak to yourself, and when you change that, everything else changes, too.

Instead of "oh, what a loser I am" make it "okay, that didn't work; I'll try again". It might take some time and practice, but you can do it.

LOTS of time and practice. My therapist used to tell me this too.

It's really only ONE switch to flip. Change "always" or "sometimes" or "once in a while" to NEVER, then solder it in place.

Think of it this way: the rest of the world will always be critical of you, and no matter what you say or do, someone, somewhere will be upset, hurt and angry. So, since they've taken on those chores, you don't have to. You can choose to NEVER be critical, upset, hurt, or angry at yourself.

"I'm here in this place because I made decisions I thought were right for myself at the time. Now, I recognize I need to change directions and choose both a new path, and new ways of reacting to the challenges in front of me. Starting this moment, I'm going to treat myself like my own favorite child, hold myself in very high regard, and refuse to allow negative and hurtful attitudes to hinder me from living my best life or being my best self."

BTW I just read a fantastic comment on Reddit in response to a similar post:

I care about you. I have felt some of those feelings too. I've ripped my hair out screamed cried. I'm not comparing my struggles to yours. But I understand to some degree and i know it hurts. Cos I've had times where i didn't want to live either 😢

And iu know how it feels cos I see people sharing ****shit on fb of share this on suicide so people know there's always someone listening.

Yet hardly anyone on there pays any attention to what I'm going through!

But us here we care about you.

Those people at the church were WRONG to treat you bad. It's not you at fault it's them

I won't judge u

People have just treated me badly on fb somewhere and I cried.

I get judged too. It hurts doesn't it.

But I said to them, you're you're a bully... at least I don't go round hurting people.

No matter what always stay true to you. I thought people would ALWAYS judge me like a heap of **. But there are some people out there who will accept you for who u r.i felt like biting back but I know some people are so cruel that even if I told them how they made me feel some would not care. So I didn't bite. Cos they only end up hurting me.

Never let other people be in control of your body. Never let anyone dull your sparkle.

You are so so brave. And even though it's hard for u to post u still did it and seeking help takes courage.

Your stronger than u think u r.
We don't have to have no fear. Everyone gets scared sometimes. But we always have to face that fear.

And when u feel alone facing that fear, come to us so we can stand beside u while u face those hurts and fears.

We care about you.

On your hardest days are the days when u r being strongest