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savanna.017
last online: 04/18, 15:18
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How do you pick a person?

I'm torn and I could only think to come here. I started a new job and work overnights at a gas station. While I was training I met this interesting person. The way he talks and acts, I feel we are kindred spirits. He's a cynic and very closed off.. but those moments I see him I so dearly want to know him. And I'm afraid of that.

In the past I fell head over heels for someone I worked with. I was frustrated to be his team mate and never have the opportunity to truly talk to him because of how fast paced our work was. I tried several times to initiate a friendship. We had deep texts, but he would never go farther. When we did finally become friends a year later.. it was so toxic. He was a narcissistic, toxic, asshole.. who felt nothing for me.. and I still loved him. And I bent my morals to know him.. because I had this irresistible urge to understand his perspective and story and unique personality. It was a puzzle to me. He gave me all the pieces openly and.. it was hallow. Cynics have a very broken perspective of the world.. and they don't want to change it.

And I see a pattern. A younger me would have reached out without hesitation, damn the consequences. But that toxic situation truly broke me.. And I don't know how to go about trying to start a friendship. I asked for his number, which he gave me happily, yet he's never texted. I texted him only once to offer him coming over for a fire, but he did not. He thanked me for inviting him, then was cut off because of work, and we just never mentioned it again.

People are.. change. Good or bad. I live my life in my own world, with my handful of people I have cultivated. Every once in a while I meet someone and I walk right up and offer my hand.. And I want to make this new friend.. I don't really know why.. I like my solitude. I have a boyfriend. I have a happy life for the most part.. and yet I know he understands depression and just has this very refreshing realness in the way he speaks.

how hard should I even try? I thought to send him a text along the lines of "Its an open invitation if you want to hangout just let me know when you have time. (its night shift so we sleep all the time and have very little free time) Cause I think we would make good friends. "

But I don't want to overreach for a person again. And I don't want to be consumed/driven by this weird obsession to understand certain people.

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Since writing this post savanna.017 may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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savanna.017 edited this post .

How do you pick a person? ¬ ¬ I'm torn and I could only think to come here. I started a new job and work overnights at a gas station. While I was training I met this interesting person. The way he talks and acts, I feel we are kindred spirits. He's a cynic and very closed off.. but those moments I see him I so dearly want to know him. And I'm afraid of that. ¬ ¬ In the past I fell head over heels for someone I worked with. I was frustrated to be his team mate and never have the opportunity to truly talk to him because of how fast paced our work was. I tried several times to initiate a friendship. We had deep texts, but he would never go farther. When we did finally become friends a year later.. it was so toxic. He was a narcissistic, toxic, asshole.. who felt nothing for me.. and I still loved him. And I bent my morals to know him.. because I had this irresistible urge to understand his perspective and story and unique personality. It was a puzzle to me. He gave me all the pieces openly and.. it was hallow. Cynics have a very broken perspective of the world.. and they don't want to change it. ¬ ¬ And I see a pattern. A younger me would have reached out without hesitation, damn the consequences. But that toxic situation truly broke me.. And I don't know how to go about trying to start a friendship. I asked for his number, which he gave me happily, yet he's never texted. I texted him only once to offer him coming over for a fire, but he did not. He thanked me for inviting him, then was cut off because of work, and we just never mentioned it again. ¬ ¬ People are.. change. Good or bad. I live my life in my own world, with my handful of people I have cultivated. Every once in a while I meet someone and I walk right up and offer my hand.. And I want to make this new friend.. I don't really know why.. I like my solitude. I have a newboyfriend. I friend but.. how hard should I even try. I thought to send him a text along the lines of "Its an open invitation if you want to hangout just let me know when you have a happy life for the most part.. and yet I know he understands depression and just has this very refreshing realness in the way he speaks.¬ ¬ how hard should I even try? I thought to send him a text along the lines of "Its an open invitation if you want to hangout just let me know when you have time. (its night shift so we sleep all the time and have very little free time) Cause I think we would make good friends. " ¬ ¬ But I don't want to overreach for a person again. And I don't want to be consumed/driven by this weird obsession to understand certain people.

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soco
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All I can say is be yourself. Let the true you be visible and understood. Yes you can hide facts in your life that are painful; I'm not recommending walking around work naked. As long as you stay real, someone will find that honesty real and something they wish to explore further. Do not dismiss actively participating in arts you like. For instance plays or musical performances. Make eye contact and simply say hello. Simply put: shine!

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savanna.017
last online: 04/18, 15:18
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The issue is i will no longer be seeingng him at work regularly,so I wonder how to start a friendship outside of the oppressiveness of a gas station

Helpcomanimatedyetiwithdot256
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Meseems he's not too interested in friendship. Likely less so with the dissolution of the occupational framework.

Pardon my potential parochialism, but I don't see in what way you're kindred spirits, since you exhibit such a negative view of cynicism.

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[quote]Test.[/quote]

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verge
last online: 03/08, 18:09
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I pick a person by loving them unconditionally, so I am very very picky. Works like a charm though!

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verge
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I remember you sharing experiences similar to this other times, the last one I remember from a long time ago was the boy at the bus stop. We're drawn to people who reflect aspects of ourselves that we need to understand better, the tricky part is when we get too curious about the weaknesses and focus on them instead of the strengths. The strengths are what can teach us the most, especially when it comes to overcoming familiar weaknesses.

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Nix
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I think you should keep it casual and let it happen, just chit chat, dont force things. TBH I probably wouldnt go hangout with someone I didnt know that well from work. Plus you have a boyfriend, so what are you hoping to get out of the relationship? maybe he feels uneasy about that.

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Sometimes you just have to go for it. But be prepared to pick yourself up again. If the ends don't justify the means, then you already know what you want to do.

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I think, dear Savanna, that you ignore red flags. They are there--but you try to look past fatal flaws. It has happened to all of us. Proceed boldly but cautiously.

Yorick
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just my thesis here

"you pick those you click with."

lot of times there will be the mystery fella. hate to say it.. but its just baggage once you get in there.

not making this up - I've done quite the opposite.. tried to get on the good side with some folks i believed were THE people i would like to have as a friend..

then something weird happened, wasnt getting anything back. relationships/ friendships is a 2 way lane.. they probably found me an annoyance or i owed my attention if i wasn't checking on em? wtf seriouslY? this really shot me down the hole. it felt fake and etc.

on the other hand there are genuine people who want the real thing..just that they are rather used to keeping to themselves and come off mysterious .. thus cutting off what might not meet their expectations. why? i would only guess because its possibly unfamiliar. Not everyone is forgiving free for all understanding with all the love that you can inhale jump off the bridge called life sort.

you nailed it right about cynics - they really do have a way with illustrating doom n gloom in ways a righteous has lordy words that come off biblical.

all hope is not lost as many would claim with their fancy words. never lose faith on people. my advice is dont come off too anticipated, chill keep inviting.. and invite him to the other side of life as you know it.

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Jetmoo
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You sound sooo like me.

As I have lived as an unwanted oddball on the outskirts being lonely, I end up drawn to other "odd balls" who don't "fit in" with others.

Because I don't want them to feel lonely, hurt and unwanted in the same way that I have felt.

I have learnt that we need to be careful who we reach out to and how we do it.


I am the type of person who would happily be anyone's friend, or be willing to try anyway (health & circumstances permitting).

But not everyone WANTS to be our friend. You can't make someone do something that they do not want to do.

You can offer thw invitation but when someone doesn't respond to it once or twice then it means they probably don't want to be friends. Or it might be the wrong time to be friends.

But to leave it in their hands if they want to contact you.

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Jetmoo
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I think I've answered this post in the wrong order.

I think they are a mentally abusive person and I'd advise you steer clear of those.

Sometimes it's hard to understand mental abuse. If u look up psychological abuse on Google u will find some good indicators to watch out for

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Jetmoo
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I also think that you seek to understand them and why they behave as they do, perhaps so you can be supportive to them and help them.

The problem is, that not everyone wants help. Not everyone wants to let others in. And by trying to eventually help someone through their struggles can be perceived as criticism of them which could make them resentful and turn nasty towards you

And they can perceive acts of kindness as suspicious and ingenuine. And react hurtful towards you.

People who have problems DO NEED HELP. But it must be done safely.

If you can't do.it safely then don't do it.

Keep yourself safe.

If u want to try and interact with someone like this then try and have a different person who you know well and trust with you and invite to meet in a public area.

A
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