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20171211 231547
Piphanson
last online: 12/25, 21:45
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around.

I am sure I know what to do but maybe hoping for a different answer.

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Since writing this post Piphanson may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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answer, hoping, feelings, tonight, mess
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Roccoflip
Rockster160
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That’s definitely a tough one.

The really important thing is to draw back your perspective and think about what he may want. Is he too gone to think for himself?

Could he have used the drugs to loosen himself up because he’s curious and just needed a little courage?

If he’s never said anything before about it- I would hold off tonight. Maybe bring it up when you’re both sober and see how he reacts. If it’s positive you can mess around next time. Life is long and full of opportunities. Never feel rushed to jump to anything that might cause problems.

20171211 231547
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Piphanson
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Thank you so much for replying. Also, glad I found this site. I thought Help.com was permanently gone. Thanks

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Rockster160
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Glad to have you, and welcome back. 😄

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SlightlyUnique
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Have you ever asked him straight up out of curiousity (with or without chems?)

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Nix
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I think the answer here is hypnosis to make you straight and take me on a date.... no?

fine, i guess you should wait for him to sober up and talk to him about it.

sigh :(

20171211 231547
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Piphanson
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We have spoken on intimate levels about his ***sex drive when using.He gets attracted to male anatomy. He says Hello, how are you? is not curious. I can't do anything with him because I am already way too emotionally involved and I have never been able to have ***sex without deep feelings. Anyway,I appreciate the replies. I was just struggling with what I know to do and what I long to do. Oh and Nixx, I'll take you on a fine date.. thank you guys

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ProffVampy
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Depending what drugs it is i suppose, some are much less ppwerful than others such as pot. If hes just stoned thenchances are he knows what hes doing and thinks youre right person to take this steo with. If it's shrooms or lsd then id wait until hes finished tripping and see if he remembers what was going on and then how he feels about it :)

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DocteurRalph
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I wouldn't take advantage of him if he is too messed up to think clearly. Like everyone is saying, there are drugs and there are drugs. If he took three Xanax bars and drank on top of it then he won't be able to stand up or remember what he did last night. You would basically be ******raping him... don't do that.

But yeah if you just smoked a joint and got a little high and he was feeling frisky then go for it. I've had girls that weren't interested in me until we were out having a good time and suddenly they were all over me. I didn't hesitate. No different for you. But I've also had girls sloppy drunk just got done barfing in the bathroom hanging on me asking for a ride home. I don't do that, and it's no different for you.

You sound like you have a good conscience, you know what's right. It might seriously change the dynamics of your friendship with the guy too though. Is it worth it?

And yeah Help is back! Tell your friends and family.

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soco
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First and foremost, welcome to HelpQA Piphanson. Thanks for posting your dilemma.
If it were me I would try to put friendship above my personal pleasure. If any 'actions' would undermine the strength in the bond you two have, you know the answer. And don't let drugs or alcohol lower your inhibitions as they seem to go hand in hand.

Help me with:

We have another hurricane coming this way.

Roccoflip
Rockster160
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If you get emotionally attached, I would avoid the situation regardless. Don’t set yourself up for failure. It sounds like he’s in for “fun” and “play”- and if you are hoping /expecting to get more than that out of it, then even if he really does want to, it’s best to avoid the situation for your sake.

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Evansent
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Personally I think if he has to use drugs in order for him to be "experimental " then that's a bad idea.
I also think you both will regret it and lose friendship because of it.

20171211 231547
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Piphanson
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I

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Evansent
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I imagine it's pretty confusing as much as it is overwhelming for you.
But I do think it's better that "both of you" are going into this with your eyes wide open.
You seem like a nice lad, Pip. Try not to get entangled unless your sure you have a way out.*hugs you*

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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The chances are he is just messing around whilst high.
If he was high enough it could possibly lead to more, but that's all it would ever be.

Unless he is genuinely in.doubt of his sexuality this will never lead to anything real.

I'm a straight female, I have a lesbian friend.
We were out a yr ago and I was off my face, she kissed me and ididnt stop her.
This was only down to me being wrecked, I didn't then or now doubt my sexuality, it was nothing more than being ****shit faced and messing around.

Sounds like the exact same thing to me.

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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J.N-Bucking wrote:
The chances are he is just messing around whilst high.
If he was high enough it could possibly lead to more, but that's all it would ever be.

Unless he is genuinely in.doubt of his sexuality this will never lead to anything real.

I'm a straight female, I have a lesbian friend.
We were out a yr ago and I was off my face, she kissed me and ididnt stop her.
This was only down to me being wrecked, I didn't then or now doubt my sexuality, it was nothing more than being ****shit faced and messing around.

Sounds like the exact same thing to me.

She invited me to her place for more, I declined, that was the end of it, there's no weirdness between us, but nothing has happened since.

You could ruin a friendship by pushing it.

Sherlock by olga tereshenko d9qdidc
Sherlock
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I recommend leaving it alone. He is not in a normal, rational state when using drugs.

And you don't want to be named in that legion of individuals accused of sexual molestation of others.

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Manthy
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I took training on sexual assault a few days ago for work, and I learnt things I didn't even know before. The fact that you can withdraw your consent, or that even in a relationship you have to have mutual consent to have ***sex EVERY TIME. The other thing was this: an intoxicated person cannot give consent, if they say yes, still not ethically okay to take advantage of them.

If I were on the receiving end of it, being straight and wanting to experiment or whatever while drugged up, I'd hope that the friend I'm with respects me enough to know that as a sober person I'd not want to go through with it. I'd say, just respect them.

20171211 231547
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Piphanson
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I

Hayao
twosocks
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I would just hang back and not make any first moves. So that if something happens, you both know it was because he started it and wanted it. Just so there isn't any regret on either side. Good luck!!

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PepperJ
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stay his friend. Be supportive of him and try to get him to the point of wanting sobriety too. At this point in your lives, he CANNOT be anything more to you than a friend. Even if you were both consenting to ***sex, it's the wrong time, anyway, while you're trying to get your lives in order...

And...you said you wanted sobriety, but you were using....??

Anyway, I know getting sober is a long hard haul, so keep at it

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BuckingFastard(JN)
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Its even more of a no now you are in rehab

Even if he was gay a relationship started at that time would almost definitely fail.

focus on sorting yourself out, dont involve anyone else now.

Hayao
twosocks
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J.N-Bucking wrote:
Its even more of a no now you are in rehab

Even if he was gay a relationship started at that time would almost definitely fail.

focus on sorting yourself out, dont involve anyone else now.

Ok, I agree with J.N on that one. Maybe it's best to really just focus on yourself.

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Relationships are complicated. While you are sorting out a problem is not a time to enter a new one.

20171211 231547
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Piphanson
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I

Piphanson edited this post .

Really torn. I'll summarize. I'm gay and have intense feelings for a straight friend that is aware of my feelings. We have used drugs occasionally and he has always been female focused. Tonight we used a little and he wants to mess around. I am sure I know what to do but maybe hoping for a different answer.

A
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