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Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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Crying.

Recently I have made so much progress with my therapy. Ive been dealing with issues such as not going out alone, not driving the car, self esteem, confidence and anxiety issues.

A big problem for me was talking to my parents about doing things. It sounds silly but if I tell them what I am doing, like going to the park etc, they make me feel so nervous and I back out.

The last month I have been building up to driving again, and one of my goals was to go to an agility class with my dog.

Today I did it! I drove 25 minutes away on a road that I had never driven before. It was terrifying! I had such bad stomach ache before I went, especially because it was only the second time I ad driven with the dog, and never such a long way away.

I had a really good time and the drive home was easy too.

The problem is I kinda lied to my parents about where I was going. I knew that they would make me feel worse.

Anyway, I just told my dad tonight where I had been, and he was devastated that I lied to him. He made me feel like I was a complete liar and said I shouldnt lie if I expect him to be truthful to me. And basically that I deserve to be lied to.

Now I'm devastated too. I feel like my massive step forward was 5 huge steps backwards. At 30 years old my life shouldnt be like this, constantly answering to my parents. Im so much better when I am left alone to get on with my life by I just cant function when they are around, which is all the time.

Im just devastated

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Since writing this post Nix may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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CarolineFCY
last online: 07/21, 22:01
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Hey, I want to start out with -- oh my gosh, good on you for taking that chance and driving! That is super brave, imo. I'm so directionally skewed, I don't know if I could drive on an unfamiliar road for that long unless it was a straight shoot. Or I had a printed Google maps or sketch or written out directions in a notebook on my passenger seat. To know that you had a good time, had your dog with you, and found your way home easily -- my gosh, that's inspiring. I'm secondhand happy.

I do want to say that, even though I don't know your parents or the relationship you have with them, it probably would've been worth it to.. at least not lie, I guess? If they asked you where you were going, maybe you could've even said, "Just out for a bit" or "Gotta conquer my road anxiety" or "Gonna go get stuff done" in a proactive or cheery voice. I don't know if they would've grilled you for that -- but it's good to at least test the waters and find out if that flies with them.

On the other hand, he absolutely shouldn't have just focused on the lie bit. Couldn't he have paused his rant to congratulate you for your big step? He ought to self-reflect for a bit and think about why you'd feel like you have to lie to him. But seriously! Good constructive criticism should often be sandwiched between two positive things. He went about that all wrong. I'm sorry your progress was so glossed over.

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PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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Yay, Nix!

As for your dad: he'll get over it. He's used to you acting a certain way and when you don't, it throws him for a loop. He needs to be more supportive, for sure.

As for you: don't let it bother you. Keep doing what you're doing :)

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soco
last online: 03/19, 3:49
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He is right. You should not have lied. You already know this. He will get past this. I hope and pray you will too.

In the future just tell them you are going out. Period. No further explanation is necessary.

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Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(17 hours after post)
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This will blow over.

One, don't tell fibs to your parents.

Secondly, don't feel you have to tell them everything you do!

Ask for forgiveness. Then forgive yourself!

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smiley
last online: 11/26, 18:47
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(19 hours after post)
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Great job driving!

I agree with others who have said you don't have to tell your parents everywhere you go, but you shouldn't have lied. It's not a big deal though, and he will get over it.

314sftf
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Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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Sherlock wrote:
This will blow over.

One, don't tell fibs to your parents.

Secondly, don't feel you have to tell them everything you do!

Ask for forgiveness. Then forgive yourself!

I dont want to lie to them but I cant placate them with a vague excuse. They want details!

You're right though, he did forgive me.

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tricky
last online: 12/07, 20:09
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People lie because they want to avoid the reaction from other people. This is not totally their fault, they are being somehow forced to the action. If your parents were more supportive you wouldnt have lied, i think. They are partially to blame. Thus when you asked for forgiveness you should explain why you did lie and explain to your parents that you dont want to lie and dont enjoy lying, but that you want their support even when the truth is not what they want to hear....

If you can support yourself, I would encourage you to move out of the house... Lets say for just 1 year and then you can go back, if you dont like it or something...

glade to hear you are making progress, keep up the good work, you can do it, we got your back!!

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Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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The word supportive changes with age. When be become legal adults parents enable and blaming them is a self lie. They fear, you fear and the truth gets pushed back.
The time speeds away and your parents are running out of time as you are.
Patience, second and third chances go by and fear and excuses create more stress.

"Man who trip over same rock, pretty stupid".
Focus. If the house is on fire...put it out.
Earn, work, help and repeat. Play, feel and reward after.
It's like exercise; feels terrible but provides health.
Your parents will provide support and give you room. You'll be okay if you trust the right feelings and sometimes your own lie to you:)

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Lano
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1731554328" title="Nov 14, 2024 3:18">Nov 14, 2024 3:18</time>
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(2 days after post)
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Your dad had an opportunity to build a bridge when he found out you lied. He could have asked you why you felt like you needed to lie about it, or if everything was ok.

Instead he decided to dig the moat deeper by making you feel like crap for coming clean, which your brain is just going to take as negative reinforcement for being honest with him.

Kids lie to their parents. Fact of life. Parents lie to their kids. Also a fact of life. It sounds like you’re dad needs to man up, no offense. I’m kind of in an upset frame of mind myself.

As always i write this without reading all the replies. It sounds like you partched things
With your dad, which is good

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Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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(3 days after post)
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Nix don’t beat yourself up. You know what your Parents are like for being over protective.
You’ve took a leap forward. Well done! 😁

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Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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(4 days after post)
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Evansent wrote:
Nix don’t beat yourself up. You know what your Parents are like for being over protective.
You’ve took a leap forward. Well done! 😁

Yes. Good job.

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~CaitherrA~
last online: 12/27, 3:55
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I think your dad majorly overreacted. That seemed uncalled for. It’s your life, you need to do these things for yourself. I feel like there is more backstory, but it sounds like you’re making good progress on working on yourself and that’s awesome! You don’t need to tell anybody where you’re going. That can be a journey for another day, but until then you need to take one step at a time and just do what you can do. If you’re not comfortable telling your parents, then leave that out. It sounds like that’s difficult as well. Don’t feel like you need to do every little thing every time you take a step in the right direction.

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