Oh Araz :(

Read what you posted on my post and apply this to you! I have been the same, other people influence what I do and I hate it. I think you should look out for yourself. Maybe a break from each other will do some good. We will dive into the unknown together!

You be shown you aren't selfish by the amount you be given up and the compromises youve made.

You only get one life in this world, you have to live some of it your way otherwise you'll be full of regrets at the end.

Giving up on your desire to have kids must be one of the worst things ever.
It's awful that he changed his mind AFTER marriage.

Only you can really figure out the solution, it's too easy for someone else to sit here and say leave him when it's not their life.

As it stands now, regardless of all else, what do YOU WANT? No "buts" are allowed.
What do you want?

Then you may have just answered your own question

Sounds like it's time to break the news to the hubby...

No. It just means the relationship became a two-way road...for an uncomfortable change under his seat.

The issue shouldn't be up for conversation or debate. You can inform him that he's willing to stay or go, but unlike every plan that has been decidedly in his favor, this (his plans) shouldn't be one.
Obviously, i'm not a female, but if I were a new bride I would NOT let my husband go to some 3rd world Asian jungle known for its women, girls and $exx - MUCH LESS return to the same place with or without me.
---------
It's your turn. And i'm sure your way is a bit more inclusive for your husband than his plans have, of you.

- Exactly... But, as things stand, best not dwell on "suspicion."
Don't get hasty. Think things through and take your time. Big decisions require much consideration.

Backing big-Al up from a woman's point of view, I would definitely not be ok with my new husband going to Thailand without me!

Araz, I would maybe think about this for a bit longer.
I'd also give him the option before ending things -
Be a proper husband and father.
He can't expect to get married to a woman that wants children, and live a free life without commitment and ties.
If he can't get round that, you don't have an option

You're not a bad wife, he backed tracked on a 'promise' first. Sounds like you really want kids, so you should go for it, hes either with you or without you, you cant spend your life pleasing him. you need something out of it too.

Well from what youve posted it doesnt sound like the happiest marriage and clearly one that is taking alot of work and neither of you are getting what you want out of it. separation can be very scary, and its not something anyone really wants to do.you may find that if you were to go to samoa without him for however long, 6months, a year, that when you finally reconnect and come back together you are both in a better position to make things work? or you may find that you've both been able to be happy without one another and that being separate would infact be the best thing for both of you.

if you want kids and he doesnt then thats clearly a big difference and one he really shouldve decided on and been honest about before you got married. its the kind of thing that can be a deal breaker and in my opinino for good reason. nothing wrong with not wanting kids but dont say that to someone you know does want them.

as for you past you seem to have not done the things you want to for the benefit of other people rather than yourself and while that should have a weighting ultimately it is your life and you should be doing what you want to do. even if that does mean dissappearing with the peace corps for a while and going off radar. there is nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes if its going to be best for you!

i cannot imagine such betrayal, life is so absent without passion.

Thank you for sharing your aspirations, araz.
Mayhap I'm misreading (by all means, correct me if that's so), however seems you've all but explicitly stated your goals do not involve him directly. Whether to enhance the experience, or believing his escort prerequisite to success, is unclear.
As it stands, opting to stay is detrimental to your chances. Making a major career & residence shifts becomes monumentally difficult once rooted in commitment (debt, family). If adoption is unsuitable, you've a very strict biological clock to adhere to - by 40, miscarriage & defect rates rise steeply, I imagine you're familiar with the tolls such misfortunes take on those involved. Moreover, child care in modern society is extremely expensive and claims at least half of one's time to perform well; you'd have to save up, or someone highly reliable, or both, again within the time constraint. Although I do not know what to what end goes your current multitude of occupations, I suspect it isn't a dash for building up reserves.
You believe your mother would encourage you to stay. Why? As I've stated before, you need good reason to 'take a pill' in any association. I believe that my parents' primary justification in the matter would be children. My mother told me in the past, even though she felt stuck at times in a position not quite agreeable to her plans, she did it for the sake of my sister & I. Everybody's got regrets, things that make them look back on how the path turned out; but when you've come a long way, what keeps you looking ahead is the ones whose growth has just begun, and whose lives you've influenced - this may also be students and the like, but I'd speculate those who have gone as long beside you wouldn't count as legacy in one's perspective. Awaiting his shift from career orientation (or so it seems) to family orientation, which might not come, is perchance less effective than reclaiming it if & when it does.
Now, if you fear of slipping into a chasm, without tether, guidance or safeguard... Yes. Everyone falters. Measures can be taken to prevent injury, but there's no universal guarantee of safety. Experience may teach you legerity, or pain. It's a leap of faith which mayhap few will or can take. Nevertheless, its direction is one with your intent, which may not be so bad a way to go.
I'm truly sorry for writing this, really don't want to make decisions for others. But perhaps you could learn a bit from the errors of a failure.

Speaking only for myself, I do not wish to imply or suggest divorce. That would be too easy for him.
I look at it like this: he can get on board with the program and learn to be happy or he can try to fake happiness and freedom for the rest of his undivorced life.

Such great advice from all the members here, Araz.
I agree with the others I would not be happy letting my Husband go to Thailand (God rest his soul)
But on the other hand it sounds like you two clearly need a break.
All relationships and marriages go through upheavals. A little separation will do you good.
I also think you should've been supported and encouraged to do something your hearts desire. I can understand how frustrating it is to change for others.
It's your time now. To climb that dam mountain!

Whether you believe in Him or not, we were created by God in His own image. All He did was speak and we were created. And because God is love, we yearn more and more each and every day to feel the same way. It is almost needed more than the air we breathe.

But love is funny. We can't make our own, or buy it at Wal-Mart or Amazon. Our love must be given away and freely at that. So the love we so desperately need must be given to us. Now God loves us, but we cant see or touch Him. So we look for it from otbers. We start with family. We obviously know them the best so why wouldn't we. But if we can't get it from them we try those outside the family. Sometimes we don't make the best choice on who we choose. And we can be manipulated into thinking that they love us until the curtain is pulled back and the truth is revealed. Finally.

We marry because we feel loved. We divorce to make it known to others, that we really are not. And infidelity is not the main cause for most divorces. It is communication. Or should I say the lack thereof.

So if there is a communication breakdown then by all means get a divorce. If he or she stands in the way of you having what you need, why would you waste one more breath with them?

What was his response?

You and he saw two a bad marriage counselor. That's number one.

Your therapist wasn't so hot, either. That's number two.

I do not know your educational background, but I do not see a "need" to join the Peace Corps. If you already have teaching credentials, I'd apply for a teaching position in the state where you live. If you don't, I'd suggest that you pursue them.

You both need to step away from the "divorce" word. That's number three.

Here's what I deduce: he feels that he is not enough for you--that you have to add some kind of exotic adventure to your life. He feels that, sooner or later, he would be left behind.

That's why he changed his mind about children.

And here's the thing about Peace Corps duty: sooner or later, you have to come home. And then you are again at Square One, career-wise.

It's very hard for the two of you to talk right now, because each of you feel every word is charged and weighted with all kinds of meaning. It would be best to talk to a decent counselor now--if that's affordable. If not--you might try a pastor.

Your husband feels inadequate for your needs. He feels you need more than he can provide or give.

Remember, Araz, you are a very non-traditional Muslim woman. You have been casting off cultural restrictions left and right.

He's afraid that he will be cast off, too.

Hopefully this will provide some insights. Please try reassuring him that you don't need something exotic to complete your life, that you want to always be together and that you are not going to sally off somewhere without him.

Or has he already done that....?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I67tiZsX_f4

Other things to keep in mind:

In a marriage, there can be NO ultimatums.

One partner cannot act independently of the other. Everything must be a joint effort and a joint decision.

Anger and resentment are NOT tools of change in a marriage.

Beware of talking to your close friends about your situation. It is a fact that many people do not want to hear of other people's difficulties--and will actually encourage you to end the relationship so they won't have to hear any more about it.

Decided he didn't want kids after the marriage? Yup I'd "accidentally" get preggers. I hate marriage counselors that tell you to get a divorce. I don't think any marriage is perfect, they all need work. A lot of work.

I just read the other replies, I really like what Sherlock said, he knows about marriage and the Peace Corp too it sounds like. Good advice about no ultimatums, everything can be discussed at all times. I wouldn't give up on children if I wanted them. My wife wanted to quit having kids way before I did, a nurse even kicked me out of the hospital when we were having the fourth one and she was telling them to tie her tubes and I said "only if this one's a boy".... that didn't go over well. Her fifth child is my son Ben, ha!

Okay....didn't really read many replies, because I have to drive in a minute

I just have to say that if you are "afraid" to "rock the boat," that speaks of power and control issues. He's in control to the point where you behave a certain way. Not really a good situation. It's a precursor to domestic violence in many cases

Agree with this too. I don't really believe in divorce under most circumstances

One other thing: the majority of marriage counselors subscribe to the doctrine that the man is always at fault in a troubled marriage. Their mantra is, "Fix the man, and you've fixed the problem." But they also recommend divorce a lot because, well, that way you get rid of the man.

Again, don't talk divorce, and don't waste time or money with biased marriage counselors or therapists. And remember that YOU and your HUSBAND have to live with whatever decision is made--the counselors and therapists will have already forgotten about you.

And, in case you didn't know, male egos are very fragile. It's not always about "control," but about feeling needed and not wanting to be abandoned.

You are doing a great job!

Remember, the male ego is more fragile than gossamer. We are always second guessing ourselves.

And, since women initiate 67% of divorces and almost always get the kids and 97% of the couple's assets, men are always wondering when the other shoe will drop. I have known men who were shocked and stunned by wives wanting a divorce--they say it came like a bolt out of the blue.

When he feels his place in your life is assured, he will want kids.

Stay away from bad counselors and therapists. Most of them live miserable lives.

Can you both get any time off work to go away fora few days?

Often being away from normal life, not having to rush around can help.
You can just enjoy each others company and get to talking in a relaxed atmosphere without any pressure.

There are times when a divorce is really the only option: in cases of physical or emotional abuse, serial cheating or addiction to drugs or alcohol.

In most cases, people who divorce take those same, unresolved issues into their next relationship--where they are still unresolved and then rise to the fore where they are in play again. In fact, most second marriages don't work out. Now you know why!

What happened to your husband's best friend had a real impact on your husband. You see, Araz, we live in a society in which someone will make a pledge at an altar to be your lifemate forever, and then will say something like, "My feelings have changed--I don't love you any more." Women do this more than men.

This advice goes against all "logic," but it is true, nonetheless. You can't always go with your feelings. People actually get married because it's a bulwark against feelings. Truth be told, there will be times when spouses have no use for each other. Marriage keeps them from just walking away from the relationship--at least it does 50% of the time! Marriage is a commitment to work through those issues.

Here's something else: men are easier to satisfy in a relationship than women. Women always seem to want more. Women often have unrealistic expectations of men, particularly of men who are their husbands. Some women use the excuse, "If he really loved me, he would do this or that." And the corollary, "Since he doesn't really love me, I am justified in doing whatever I want to do."

Here's a great site that talks about "love busters": http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3406...

Independent behaviour is one of the worst "love busters." Both men and women are guilty of it. Women tend to equate "independent behavior" with "women's lib." It's not. A husband's and wife's first duty is to each other--and that usually means that they curtail some of their freedoms. For example, the husband doesn't devote more time to his buddies than to his wife--and the wife doesn't announce that she's leaving for a promotion in another city without obtaining agreement from her husband.

I also know that if I were newly married, and I thought there was even a 1% chance that my wife would leave me, I would not want to have children. Why? Because if there's a divorce, the man will be financially broken by spousal and child support. And he knows that few women want a guy so financially encumbered.

Most divorces are unnecessary. They happen because someone is angry, scared or disappointed. As Soco said, people need to get into a relaxed atmosphere and let these emotions subside.

Whatever brought the two of you together is still there, but it has been layered by fears and uncertainty. Those layers can be peeled away--and discarded.

And one thing you can be sure of--those marriage counselors always have a lawyer they want to refer you to, and you know they get kickbacks whenever a client employs one of those lawyers. Now you know!

You might think about renting a cabin at a park. Imagine a nice fire going in the fireplace, cozying up to one another while drinking a glass of wine . . . this would probably be a good time to rent one. And you can still enjoy nature--no matter what time of year it is.

Mrs. Sherlock and I want to do that this summer in the States!

Im looking for one right now for my birthday :) Lake district of cotswolds, i cant decide

Go to the Lake District and retrace Wordsworth's steps!

but its so wet! gorgeous though.

I've been to the Lakes numerous times. I think the Lakes and the Cotswolds are very similar.
I have a friend who loves the Cotswolds,she goes there like it's her second home.
It might be a little crowded in June,saying that,it tends to be crowded most of the time with Tourists no matter what month you go.🙂

I can verify the lakes are nice

Where in the states?

We were thinking about DeSoto State Park in Alabama. There's a waterfall there, really nice cabins, a restaurant and nature trails.

It's not too far, either, from Little River Canyon, which is a must see. We were there last summer--and it was great!

Sounds wonderful! I've never been there

You'd love it. Even the Bigfoots there are very polite and accommodating!

If Mrs Sherlock doesn't want to go, I'll come!
Sounds great

Here's a webpage showing one of the cabins. Looks comfy!

https://www.google.ca/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0...

And rock formations . . .

https://www.google.ca/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0...

Y'all packed yet?

Pretty nice, huh?

https://www.google.ca/maps/uv?hl=en&pb=!1s0...

Looks gorgeous