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Manthy
last online: 05/28, 16:49
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Update on my mom’s condition (Ilse/Aisha).

As most of you know, my mom has cancer and has been undergoing chemotherapy, a while ago the doctor took her off that due to her physical state and how advanced the cancer was. Since then, her condition has been declining at a rapid pace - I’m currently in South Africa with her. Those of you who were in contact with her, I’m asking you to not message, she no longer uses her phone and most of the time is not a state where she can talk, so it’s pointless telling her who messaged. Any messages should be directed towards me if you want more details. If messages are for words of encouragement, I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s not necessary. I know those who were close to my mom are thinking/praying of/for her.

Thanks.

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Since writing this post Manthy may have helped people, but has not within the last four (4) days.
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mom, messages, condition, state, cancer
Replies (44)
Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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So sorry to hear this. Best wishes.:(
soco
last online: 01/17, 6:13
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Tell your mom we love her and we are praying for her. Love you too Manthy. So glad you are there with her during this time.
@Padre_J_Roulston @Jebus-Zeus @Grim_Hardcastle

soco invited 2 users .
soco
last online: 01/17, 6:13
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Please keep us updated, Manthy.
Padre_J_Roulston
last online: 07/29, 18:58
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Thank you Manthy for letting us know. Your family is in my thoughts and Prayers.

Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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I am terribly sorry that your mom is suffering with cancer, and wish it were in my power to heal her. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am in Africa at this moment, also--West Africa.
PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Glad you are with her
**PamelaAnn**
last online: 07/19, 10:34
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So happy that she is not alone, and that you are there with her.
I wish you strength at this time.
BuckingFastard(JN)
last online: 12/25, 20:25
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So sorry for her and your family.

Thanks for the update.
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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Thinking of all of you at this incredibly difficult time. Hugs to you and your Mum.🤗😔
BigWilly!
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1788198357" title="Aug 31, 2026 17:45">Aug 31, 2026 17:45</time>
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Damn, that just plain sux.

Help me with:

Stroke of luck.
soco
last online: 01/17, 6:13
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Manthy's Mother is a long time user from the original Help website. Her username here is Ameliorate.
https://help-qa.com/users/49-ameliorate
The reason I bring this to light is to ask we make her a Moderator prior to her passing.
Who's in favor of this?
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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(1 week after post)
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Me.
Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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(1 week after post)
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Great idea:)
PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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I think it would be great
soco
last online: 01/17, 6:13
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That's four votes in favor. We could use a few more.
@Manthy @Padre_J_Roulston @Rockster160 @**PamelaAnn** @BuckingFastard(JN) @BigWilly! Thanks to everyone.
Rockster160
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1787896684" title="Aug 28, 2026 5:58">Aug 28, 2026 5:58</time>
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First off- my deepest condolences. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Manthy. Losing a family member- especially one you’re very close to- is heart wrenching. We’re all here for you.

@soco Personally don’t see the point- I can sometimes be a little dull in these areas.
I know it’s been discussed to have a commemoration page of some sorts- in addition, we could also add an icon to the user similar to the star mods receive, if that’s the goal here?
soco
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Rockster160 wrote:
First off- my deepest condolences. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Manthy. Losing a family member- especially one you’re very close to- is heart wrenching. We’re all here for you.

@soco Personally don’t see the point- I can sometimes be a little dull in these areas.
I know it’s been discussed to have a commemoration page of some sorts- in addition, we could also add an icon to the user similar to the star mods receive, if that’s the goal here?

The honor of being a Moderator is the highest and only honor we can bestow on members. There may be a few members that have regretfully passed from this life that were not moderators. However, those of us that remember Aisha/Ilse Terblanche Van Tonder on old Help recall her impact she had. It is my hope that this impact be rewarded by bestowing to her the honor of Moderator.
BuckingFastard(JN)
last online: 12/25, 20:25
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Rockster160 wrote:
First off- my deepest condolences. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Manthy. Losing a family member- especially one you’re very close to- is heart wrenching. We’re all here for you.

@soco Personally don’t see the point- I can sometimes be a little dull in these areas.
I know it’s been discussed to have a commemoration page of some sorts- in addition, we could also add an icon to the user similar to the star mods receive, if that’s the goal here?

Making her a moderator isn't a mark of honour, mods are just people to keep others in line.

I don't recall her showing any interest in being a mod.

I'm totally on board with doing something to honour her, she is an amazing woman.
We used to talk on a daily basis and that only stopped when she moved somewhere with poor internet.

She is a fantastic person and deserves so much more than what she has been dealt.
Padre_J_Roulston
last online: 07/29, 18:58
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BuckingFastard(JN) wrote:

Rockster160 wrote:
First off- my deepest condolences. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Manthy. Losing a family member- especially one you’re very close to- is heart wrenching. We’re all here for you.

@soco Personally don’t see the point- I can sometimes be a little dull in these areas.
I know it’s been discussed to have a commemoration page of some sorts- in addition, we could also add an icon to the user similar to the star mods receive, if that’s the goal here?

Making her a moderator isn't a mark of honour, mods are just people to keep others in line.

I don't recall her showing any interest in being a mod.

I'm totally on board with doing something to honour her, she is an amazing woman.
We used to talk on a daily basis and that only stopped when she moved somewhere with poor internet.

She is a fantastic person and deserves so much more than what she has been dealt.

I second this.

**PamelaAnn**
last online: 07/19, 10:34
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YES....she should certainly be Honored....She is an outstanding woman....VERY helpful....Selfless...
I'm not so sure about the Honorary Mod idea.
I DO love the idea behind the Commemoration page though...
Original Poster
Manthy
last online: 05/28, 16:49
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New Update:

My mom went into a coma-like state last night or a little before that. We were unaware because it’s hard to tell if the noises she makes was in response to what we were saying or just breathing.

I noticed this afternoon while we were trying to give her morphine that she was not conscious, so I called the Hospice team to ask. And it is no longer possible to give her pain medication, also, we were told she needs to be left alone completely so that she can pass on in peace. So the family is gathering to say final goodbyes, and we’re leaving her alone after that.

Padre_J_Roulston
last online: 07/29, 18:58
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Manthy, I am so sorry. Know that you don't have to suffer through this alone.

PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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I'm so sorry, Manthy

I do have a thought though.... everyone should gather and say goodbye as suggested. When my Granny passed, they also said we should give her permission to let her go (that we would be okay), or make a promise about something and/or tell her that we would be okay. One of my Granny's sons had been estranged by the rest of the family and I told her I would get in touch and have dinner. She visibly relaxed.

But.... idk about the advice of leaving someone alone(??) I think my Granny liked having people around... and I think I would want people around(??)

All that aside, I'm so sorry for what you are going through and just know that the world was a better place with your mom in it. May she rest peacefully
BuckingFastard(JN)
last online: 12/25, 20:25
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I'm with pepper on the leaving her alone part.
She can have peace and quiet while also having someone at her side.


I'm so sorry for her suffering

Original Poster
Manthy
last online: 05/28, 16:49
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She wasn’t left alone, because it didn’t feel right. So don’t worry about that. She’s breathing very faintly now.

Max
last online: 07/27, 11:05
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Blessings and prayers. She'll have no more pain.
So sorry for your lost.
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Manthy
last online: 05/28, 16:49
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My mom passed away this morning, SA time. She went very peacefully. Not long after my last post.

Rockster160
last online: <time class="timeago" datetime="1787896684" title="Aug 28, 2026 5:58">Aug 28, 2026 5:58</time>
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I'm sorry for your loss, Manthy.
May your mother rest in peace. 😞

Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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I’ve only just heard Manthy, I’m so sorry. 😭😔
Evansent
last online: 08/18, 9:33
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Fly with the angels now sweetie, I’ll miss you.😭❤️
PepperJ
last online: 04/30, 3:52
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I'm so sorry, Manthy
BA1
last online: 10/31, 15:31
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Tender regards, Manthy.
soco
last online: 01/17, 6:13
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We love you Manthy. So very sorry for you and your family's loss. Your mom was very special to many of us here at Help. I am continuing to pray for you and your sister. Please give her a hug from all of us here.

And just a thought, at your wedding ceremony in June light a candle in her memory. She will watching and smiling the whole time.
soco
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Sherlock's trip to Africa. (Ilse's last reply on OH)
https://archive.help-qa.com/posts/602735-going-...
BuckingFastard(JN)
last online: 12/25, 20:25
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My sincere condolences
This is very sad news, but at least her suffering is over.
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Manthy
last online: 05/28, 16:49
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Thank you all for your kindness in this.
Sherlock
last online: 07/08, 10:43
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So very sorry. No magic words--but I know we'll all be together again.
Grim_Hardcastle
last online: 03/02, 15:09
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Sorry for your loss.

Jalex
last online: 01/14, 21:58
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I hope you're ok, sorry to hear about this you're both well loved members of the community. Hopefully she is finally at peace. We're always here if you need us.
Nix
last online: 11/28, 9:31
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Wow, thats just devastating. :'(

Aisha helped me through so much. Such a sweet, caring lady and truly one of a kind.

RIP Sister <3
~CaraMia~
last online: 08/07, 13:40
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Yes...Aisha helped me through a very tough time...
I will never forget her... 💗
And, I will do now what she advised me back at the original Help... 😊
Only this time, it is through tears....
RIP, Angel....
BA1
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She's in heaven.
Sherlock
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Soooooo soooooo missed!

Ask not for whom the bell tolls . . . it tolls for us.
DocteurRalph
last online: 09/26, 15:17
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Sorry about your mom. When my mom died it was the roughest time in my entire life. It kind of made a hole in me that has never really been filled. I did read something the other day that made me look at it in a new light though. It was a sign that said "Because someone I loved is in heaven, there's a little bit of heaven in my heart". Glad you stayed with her.

A
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